


Life Goes On

by WildDogJJ



Category: Daria (Cartoon)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:07:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 61,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27507334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WildDogJJ/pseuds/WildDogJJ
Summary: A chronicle of the past decade of everyone's lives.  See where everything's gone in the ten years after the conclusion of "Quinn" took place, right up to the present day.  (Rated M for language, sexual situations and moments of racial tension, none of which occur often enough to justify an E in my opinion.)
Relationships: Brittany Taylor/Kevin Thompson, Brittany Taylor/Original Male Character(s), Helen Morgendorffer/Jake Morgendorffer, Jamie White (Daria)/Original Character(s), Link/Daria Morgendorffer, Quinn Morgendorffer/Original Male Character(s), Sandi Griffin/Tom Sloane, Stacy Rowe/Charles "Upchuck" Ruttheimer III
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1

**"Life Goes On"**   
**by**   
**WildDogJJ**

**Author's note:** This story begins two years after Quinn and Jim's wedding

**Winged Tree Country Club, June 2012...**

For the second time in her life Daria Morgendorffer was attending a wedding ceremony at the rose garden of Winged Tree Country Club. The first time was when her sister, Quinn, had gotten married. Daria had been a bridesmaid at that one. Now, roughly two years later, she was a guest at the wedding of Sandi Griffin and Tom Sloane. Daria was okay with just being a guest as she wasn't particularly close to Sandi, despite the fact that over the past decade the latter had come to regard the Morgendorffers as more her family than the Griffins. Daria understood why and actually felt a touch of envy when she realized how the long, dark road Sandi had been forced down now had a happy ending. Sandi had come out as bisexual during her first year of college, which got her disowned by her family. Being completely cut off had forced Sandi to drop out of college and work as a stripper. Sandi made enough money doing that to put herself the rest of the way through college, which irked Daria as it served as a reminder that the world continues to value womens bodies over their minds. At times Daria had to remind herself that Sandi was just doing what she had to do and would've much rather made a living doing something that didn't involve dancing naked for a bunch of horny drunks. Sandi had finished college but by the time that happened the economy was in it's worst downturn since the Great Depression, forcing Sandi to continue stripping as the only alternative was long term unemployment. Through it all, Sandi had a string of failed romantic relationships. First came the girlfriend who was cheating on her, then a relationship with Joey black that fizzled out after a few months. Next, Sandi had a boyfriend who turned out to be gay and using her as a beard. Then came the girlfriend who had a crush on Quinn and was using Sandi just to get to her. Remembering that last one gave Daria the following thought...

_That was similar to how I got with Tom back in high school, though in the case of Quinn and Danielle the attraction was very one sided. It caused a temporary rift in Quinn and Sandi's friendship, just like the Tom thing did for Jane and I._

Daria remembered how, as before, the rift was temporary and the two former fashionistas soon reconciled and were friends again, just as was the case with Daria and Jane. In fact, the aftermath of what had come to be known as the Danny Incident turned out to be the turning point in Sandi's life. Daria remembered the story well. Apparently, Sandi and Tom had started hanging out and quickly hit it off. When Tom tried to get out of Thanksgiving at the Cove by insisting on spending it with Sandi his parents, thinking that they were already a couple, had insisted that he bring her along. Daria remembered how Quinn had told her of Sandi's plan, which reached the redhead through the ever churning gossip mill. Sandi planned to gain access to Tom's wealth by seducing him only to back out when she developed genuine feelings for him. As a result they'd started dating when they returned to Lawndale. Eventually, the economy had improved enough that Sandi was able to find work as an office assistant and finally leave her stripping days behind.

 _I wonder how Tom's generally straightlaced parents reacted when they found out she used to be a stripper_ Daria wondered before realizing that, given what she knew about the Sloane's, they most likely just swept that fact under the rug and pretended it didn't exist.

As Sandi and Tom exchanged vows Daria looked at the attendants. The Matron of Honor was, naturally, Quinn. The other bridesmaids were Stacy Ruttheimer (nee Rowe), Nicole White (nee Yagami), Tiffany Blum-Deckler and Jane O'Connel (nee Lane). Another reason Daria was okay with not being a bridesmaid was the fact that she'd just been Maid Of Honor at Jane's wedding a few months before. Daria found it amusing, though not at all surprising, that Tiffany was the only bridesmaid not currently married. She'd been Steve Taylor's trophy wife for a couple of years, right until Steve divorced her so he could marry the 23 year old secretary that he'd been banging on the side. Tiffany had foolishly (but unsurprisingly) signed a pre-nup that forced her to walk away with nothing, forcing her to move back in with her parents after the divorce.

Next, Daria looked at the groomsmen. The best man was Quinn's husband, Jim Carbone. The other groomsmen were Stacy's husband, Chuck Ruttheimer (formerly known as Upchuck), Jamie White (formerly of the three J's but now married to Nicole) and two friends of Tom's whom Daria didn't know. She thought of how ironic it was that Chuck was now Sandi's boss. Jamie had finished college the previous year (after taking a hiatus of several years to serve in the Army) and taken a job as a history teacher at a high school on Long Island. As such, Nicole was no longer Chuck's assistant at Feisty IT and he gave the job to Sandi as a favor to Stacy. Fortunately, Sandi was capable at her job.

As Daria finished her trip down memory lane the bride and groom had finished exchanging "I do"s.

"By the powers vested in me by the Presbyterian Church and the State Of Maryland," said the minister, "I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

As Tom and Sandi kissed the whole crowd erupted in thunderous applause.

* * *

**The banquet hall, later...**

The reception was now in full swing. As everyone partied and wished the newly married couple well Daria sat at a table with her boyfriend Link. Their relationship had been awkward at first do to the fact that when they first met she was a seventeen year old camp counselor and he was a twelve year old camper with anger issues. They got over it quickly due to the fact that when they did get together they were both in their twenties.

"You know, Daria," said Link, "I never got this. All this pomp and ceremony over something that could easily be done in a judges office with a signature and one witness."

"Well, Link," said Daria, "If we ever tie the knot we'll do like Jamie and Nicole and have a rushed elopement. Only you won't be going off to war two weeks later and coming back with no legs."

Watching Jamie and Nicole dance, Link said "It's hard to believe both of his legs are prosthetics when he dances like that."

Indeed, Jamie and Nicole were working up quite a storm. "I'd like to know how he keeps them on when moving like that" said Daria.

"Wanna ask him?" said Link.

"And set off a war flashback," said Daria, "No thanks. I've already attended two weddings that degenerated into riots, I'm not going for a third."

Link stifled a laugh. Daria had told him what happened at her cousin Erin's wedding and he'd seen how the reception at Quinn and Jim's wedding ended with the groom's father, Tony, inciting a riot by attacking Jim in a drunken rage. It was at this point that they were approached by Jane.

"How are you two lovebirds?"

"You know," said Daria, "Observing everything with snarky disdain."

"The usual, then," said Jane as she sat down with them.

Link asked "Where's the guy they paired you with?"

Jane answered "If it were up to me he'd be getting his pompous, old money ass dragged to hell right now. I wish Alan was here."

Daria was not the least bit surprised that Jane's husband hadn't attended the wedding. After he and Jane got back from their honeymoon he'd immediately took off for an excavation in some third world country she'd never heard of. "As opposed to playing in the dirt in a place most Americans can't even find on a map."

"Well," said Jane, "We'd be driving each other crazy otherwise."

Daria had her famous half-smile. Jane and Alan worked because their relationship consisted of brief periods of passionate romance and total intimacy separated by long periods of throwing themselves into their other loves, art for Jane and archaeology for Alan. It made sense as such an arrangement was comforting to Jane because of it's familiarity. This tendency towards chronic detachment was also why before Alan came along none of Jane's relationships lasted more than a few months.

"So," said Jane, "How are things in general?"

"Okay" said Link, though he wasn't very interested in having a conversation with Jane.

Daria added "Just great. I'm an unemployed PhD holder still living with my parents at age thirty. I'm the one person who's life has actually gotten worse over the past few years."

"Hey!" said Link, who was offended by the implication.

Ignoring him, Jane said "What about those two pieces you wrote for the Huffington Post?"

"Two gigs in as many years," said Daria, "I need a more steady income before I can even think of getting out of Lawndale."

Jane reassured her friend. "Relax, Daria. Your work's out there, it's only a matter of time before you start getting more consistent gigs. After all, I'm selling enough art now to actually employ an assistant."

"One," said Daria, "Your husband pays all of the bills so every cent you make is entirely discretionary. Two, your assistant is Nicole, who's just as obsessive as you when it comes to art. Even though your name's the one on it we all know who really painted that portrait of the Fashion Club as anime characters(1). Three, when people see that I have a PhD they assume that I'm already loaded and thus are only willing to pay a pittance for my stories and articles."

Jane said "You'll get there, Daria. It may take forever, but you'll get there."

Daria replied "It took Quinn less than a day to become a YouTube sensation. Her husband was similarly lucky."

"Daria," said Jane, "Comparing yourself to Quinn is a recipe for self loathing."

Daria said "Don't get me wrong, Jane. I'm glad Quinn and I are long past our childhood animosity. Still, I can't help feeling a little resentful of the fact that everything always seems to magically work out for her."

"Seems being the operative word," Jane reminded, "Quinn works just as hard as the rest of us. We just don't see it."

Daria looked thoughtful. She had to admit that Jane had a point. In fact, Daria often contributed jokes to both Quinn and Jim's channels. "Maybe I should start charging for my contributions to S'mores 'n' Pores and Jim The Car Guy."

Jane gave Daria a 'who are you kidding' look. She knew that Quinn and Jim always offered money for Daria's contributions, which the latter always refused on ethical grounds.

Link, meanwhile, was put off by having seemingly become invisible to his girlfriend and her BFF but said nothing about it.

* * *

**Morgendorffer House, that evening...**

Link's car pulled up the driveway and came to a stop. Inside Daria sat in the passenger seat. As he put the car in park Link noticed something.

"Your parents didn't come home yet."

Daria explained "They're at Le Grande. Tomorrow they're heading to the airport and going on a romantic two week getaway in Europe to celebrate their 37th anniversary. Since they were attending a wedding the day before leaving they decided to stay at a hotel tonight and get a head start on things....and thinking of that is starting to make me nauseous."

"I see" said Link.

"I sense a rebuke coming" Daria replied.

Link said "Daria, you totally blew me off at the wedding today."

"Link, what are you talking about?"

"At the reception," he said, "When Jane came over and talked to us. You both completely forgot I was there."

Daria took offense. "Gee, sorry I wanted to catch up with a friend I don't get to hang out with often because she lives four hours away."

Link said "You don't have to get snippy about it."

Daria said "And you don't have to feel neglected because I have a long conversation with someone who's been my best friend for the past fourteen years, fifteen in September."

"Do you even know what month we became a couple?" asked Link.

"January" said Daria.

Link said "You blew off our two year anniversary."

"Link, you're not still on that, are you?" said Daria, "It happens. I've already apologized many times."

Link explained "Daria, for the past several months you've been getting more and more distracted from our relationship."

"Well, excuse me for not making my whole world revolve around you" Daria snipped.

"Hey!" Link fired back, "That's not fair. I don't expect you to make me your whole life, but I don't think it's unreasonable to expect you to make some time for me. Lately, I seem to just be a go to guy when no one else is around."

Daria was about to tell him off, but immediately thought better of it. After all, he did have a point. Ignoring him to talk to Jane was just the latest in a number of increasingly frequent instances of her blowing him off to do her own thing over the last few months. Remembering this, she began to feel bad.

"Link, I'm sorry," she said in a gentle tone, "You're right. Lately I have been neglecting this relationship because I get carried away with other things." Suddenly, she got an idea. "Let me make it up to you tonight."

"How?" asked Link.

Daria said "I have the whole house to myself for the next two weeks, starting tonight." Smiling seductively and speaking in a sultry tone, she added, "Care to take advantage...sexy?"

* * *

**Daria's room, sometime later...**

Link was laying naked in Daria's bed while an also naked Daria was straddling him. She ground herself on him in a circular motion as she savored the feeling of Link inside of her. Link enjoyed the view of his girlfriend's bare breasts and the expression of animalistic passion on her face as she rode him to sweet oblivion.

"Mmmm...Link...ooooh...yeah..."

Link reached up and grabbed one of her breasts.

"Ah...Link...uh...oooh..."

With his other hand Link guided Daria's hips in a circular motion while bucking under her. The effect on Daria was increased physical pleasure as she was having one of her breasts, her clit and her G-spot stimulated all at once.

"OHHH...Link...YES..." Daria gasped as she threw her head back in pleasure.

Link, continuing to guide her hips, suddenly sat up and threw his arms around Daria as he gave one of her nipples a hard suck.

"Mmmm...yes...like that..."

Daria then thrust Link's head back and kissed him, plunging her tongue hungrily into his mouth. Link responded by sliding his own tongue into Daria's mouth. She proceeded to moan into her boyfriend's mouth as she sucked his tongue and continued riding him.

"Mmmm...mph...umph...Umph...UMph...UMPh...UMPH..."

Daria then broke the kiss and shoved Link down on his back as she proceeded to ride him ever harder. Whenever Link tried to reach up and touch his girlfriend with his hands she'd immediately grab his wrists and force his hands back down. The message was clear, Daria was in control and determined to get them both off her way. As she raked Link's chest with her fingers Link took the hint and lay back to enjoy the sensations as Daria proceeded to finish them both off.

"Ah...Ah...AH...AH...AH..."

As Daria bounced up and down on Link she looked down at his face. As their eyes met they seemed to feed on the animalistic lust that had consumed them both. Daria began to move wildly.

Link began to buck under her automatically. Daria threw her head back and yelled her impending climax.

"Oh...LINK...YES...YES...YES...AH...AH...AH...AHHHHHHHHH....YES," Daria screamed in ectasy, "YES...YES...AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

As the mutual orgasm subsided an out of breath Daria collapsed on the equally out of breath Link. Catching their breath they remained like that.

"D... _pant_...Daria.." said Link, "I... _gasp_...I love you..."

Daria said nothing, which Link would remember once the post coital high wore off. Once that was done she rolled off of her boyfriend and lay next to him.

"God.. _pant_...Link..." Daria gasped, "That... _pant_...was... _gasp_...incredible..."

Having caught his breath, Link suddenly realized that when he said he loved Daria she didn't say it back. "Daria," he said, "I love you."

Stroking his bare chest with her hand, Daria said "I know."

Link asked "Do you love me?"

"You know I do."

"Then why didn't you say it when we were having sex just now?" Link asked.

"Gee, I don't know," Daria said in her trademark deadpan, "Probably because we were having sex. I was just enjoying the pleasure and not really thinking."

Link said "After two years you should be able to say it without thinking."

Now a little put off, Daria said "Link, why is this a big deal to you all of a sudden?"

Link explained "Because it fits a pattern of you not being as invested in the relationship as you used to be."

Daria replied "Not invested. Link, I just rode you like a porn star and enjoyed every second of it. How does that indicate I'm not invested."

"Because," Link said, "Lately the physical aspect of our relationship seems to be the only thing you're invested in. We go on a date, we fuck, rinse and repeat. What happened to enjoying each other's company? What happened to sex being part of our get togethers and not the sole point?"

Daria retorted "What happened to me being the woman and you being the man? Link, you're a guy. If anyone should have a problem with our relationship being more physical than emotional it should be me."

"Do you have a problem with that?" Link asked.

"No," Daria replied sharply, "But I'm surprised that you do."

Link said "Daria, we used to say we love each other during sex all the time. In light of how the rest of our relationship's going I'm a little concerned you aren't doing that anymore."

"Link," Daria replied in a defensive tone, "Just because I don't say it doesn't mean I don't feel it." After this, she faced away from him and closed her eyes.

"Daria?" said a concerned Link.

Keeping her eyes shut, Daria said "Link, I'm tired. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed the sex but it kind of wore me out."

Link kissed Daria on the cheek. "Sorry, babe. I'll let you rest."

As Daria drifted off to sleep Link sat there looking thoughtful.

 _Well, she still loves my dick_ he thought, _but I'm starting to think she no longer feels that way about the rest of me._

* * *

**The next morning...**

Daria woke up to find Link still sound asleep.

 _I can't believe we had great sex and fought about it right after_ she thought, _I should apologize when he wakes up_. A naughty thought occurred to her. _Or, we can just forget about it and have sex again. I'd actually prefer that._ Her eyes suddenly went wide. _Oh, God! What if he's right? What if I have lost interest in the overall relationship and I'm just staying with him because I like the sex!?_

Rattled, Daria emerged from the covers and crawled to the foot of her bed. She sat on the edge for a moment as another thought occurred to her.

_We do seem to be acting less like a couple and more like friends with benefits lately._

She made her way to the closet and put on a bathrobe. Once that was done Daria went to her desk and started her computer.

_Might as well check my e-mail._

Daria found one new message, from SBC.com.

_What does a TV network want with me?_

She clicked on the e-mail. It read as follows...

"Miss Morgendorffer,

We here at SBC have found your recent op-ed, "What I Think About Valentines Day", on Huffington Post's website. The humor is dark yet entertaining and you possess a natural talent for parody. We would like you to come to our headquarters at Rockefeller Center in New York City to interview for a possible staff writing position for "The Evening Show With Frankie LePope". Please reply within one week of receiving this e-mail to schedule and appointment if you're interested.

Sincerely,  
Martin Goldstein  
Head Of Programming  
SBC-TV Networks"

Daria's eyes went wide with shock.

_I'm being offered a job in New York._

**To be continued...**


	2. Chapter 2

**Quinn and Jim's house, the day after Sandi's wedding...**

Quinn and Nicole were seated at the kitchen table catching up. Nicole and Jamie were staying with Quinn and Jim while in town for the wedding. It made sense as she and Quinn had first met as roommates at Boston State and been BFF's ever since. They'd even pledged for the same sorority, Theta Theta Theta, along with Stacy, who'd also gone to Boston State. After college Stacy returned to Lawndale after taking a job at WSBC. Quinn soon followed to take over Morgendorffer Consulting while her father recovered from a second heart attack. Nicole came along as she could not afford the rent on her and Quinn's Boston apartment by herself and had nowhere else to go. She could've moved back in with her parents but, after four years on the East Coast, Southern California just didn't feel like home anymore.

Quinn said "So, you're going off the pill?"

Nodding, Nicole said "Yep. Jamie and I talked it over and decided that we're ready for kids. How about you, Quinn? You and Jim planning to give my future son or daughter a BFF?"

Stifling a giggle, Quinn said "Talking about it, but we haven't made a decision just yet."

"How come?" Nicole asked out of curiosity.

Quinn said "Jim's unsure if having kids is a good idea. We both want them, but he's afraid he might not be up to the task of parenting."

"Why?" asked Nicole.

"Take a guess" said Quinn.

Nicole immediately understood. "Jim's afraid he'll wind up being like his father, isn't he?"

Nodding, Quinn said "He is. It makes sense given how toxic a parent Tony was."

"That man is a fucking psycho" said Nicole. Her tone was unusually harsh as she recalled her first encounter with Tony Carbone. Upon seeing her East Asian features he proceeded to verbally abuse her with excessive use of words such as gook, Jap and nip (due to her specific ancestry being Japanese).

Quinn said "Like I said, Jim's concerns make sense. Growing up in a toxic environment does normalize that sort of thing."

"Quinn," said Nicole, "Not every victim of child abuse goes on to be an abuser themselves."

"My father's proof of that," Quinn replied, "He never abused me or Daria." She paused for a second as something occurred to her. "Although, I think the reason he was such and hands-off parent was that he was afraid he'd repeat his fathers mistakes if he took a more assertive role with Daria and I."

At this point the front door, which can be seen directly from the kitchen, opened and Daria entered. She didn't knock because she had her own house key, given to her by Quinn so she'd have a place to go and cool off if things got weird at home.

"Speak of the devil" said Nicole as Daria made her way to the kitchen.

"Hey, sis" said Quinn.

Taking a seat at the table, Daria said "Hi, Quinn, Nicole."

Nicole noticed that Daria looked down but, since Daria always looked like that even when in a good mood, said nothing.

"So," said Quinn, "How are things? We didn't really get to talk much at the wedding."

"Not so good," said Daria, "Link and I had sex last night."

Raising an eyebrow, Nicole asked "How's that a bad thing?"

Daria answered "Because we got into a fight about it afterwards."

Nicole said "Disappointing."

Daria shook her head. "No, the sex was great. The problem was that Link said he loved me and I didn't say it back."

Quinn said "So. Jim and I don't always exchange 'I love you's while...you know...being intimate."

Daria said "It reminded Link that while our sex life is still white hot the rest of the relationship is rapidly cooling off. When he pointed this out I got defensive and practically bit his head off."

"Weird," said Nicole, "Jamie and I usually get our arguments out of the way first and make up by having sex, not the other way around."

Daria said "Well, this morning I thought about it and realized that Link's right, I am acting more and more like someone who's ready to check out on the relationship. We seem less like boyfriend and girlfriend and more like friends with benefits lately. It occurred to me that I didn't say I love him because I'm not entirely sure if I do anymore. Frankly, why stay together if one of us is only still in it for the sex?"

Quinn got it. "You want a relationship outside the bedroom as well and you're a little upset that you and Link don't seem to have that anymore."

Nodding, Daria said "Yes, and I'm concerned that it took Link pointing it out for me to notice." Daria paused for a moment. "That's not all that's going on."

"What else is happening?" asked Quinn.

Daria explained "I got an e-mail from SBC today. They want me to come up to New York and interview for a staff writing position."

Both Quinn and Nicole's faces lit up with excitement upon hearing that.

"Daria, that's great" said Quinn.

"What show?" asked Nicole.

Daria said "The Evening Show with Frankie LePope."

Impressed, Nicole said "Whoa! That guy's an icon. He's right up there with the likes of Jay Leno, David Letterman and Conan O'Brian."

"You have to go for it" said Quinn.

Daria sighed. "I have every intention of doing so."

Quinn noted the tone in her sister's voice. "You don't sound so sure. Granted, I know enthusiasm's not your thing, but this is the biggest late night talk show in America we're talking about. You've been dreaming about something like this since we were both still in diapers."

Daria said "That's just it, Quinn. If I get this job I'd have to move to New York."

Nicole interjected. "So? You've got friends there. Jane lives in SoHo while Jamie and I are just a thrity minute drive away on Long Island."

"That's not it," said Daria, "Moving to New York would most likely mean breaking up with Link. It's got me to wondering why I wanna take this job so badly. Am I doing it because I've always wanted to be a writer living in New York, or am I doing it so I have an excuse to break up with Link and therefore avoid any responsibility for the impending demise of our relationship?"

Neither Quinn nor Nicole know how to answer that one. Suddenly, Nicole got an idea.

"Daria, since Jamie's off for the summer and Jane doesn't need me for anything at the moment why don't we stay here for a few extra days while you schedule the interview and then we can all head up together?"

Quinn said "It's alright with me."

"Okay," said Daria, "I'll let you know when I've got the interview scheduled."

* * *

**Dega Street, later that day...**

Daria was hanging out with Link at his apartment. She's just told him about going to New York for a few days, but hasn't mentioned that it's for a job interview.

"Daria," said Link, "I can't take off from work right now."

"Actually," said Daria, "I'd prefer to go solo."

Link was hurt by this. "Why?"

Daria said "Because I want to spend some more time with Jane and Nicole. Having my boyfriend along would be too much of a distraction."

Deadpan, Link said "Way to make me feel better about it."

"I didn't mean it like that" said Daria.

Link rolled his eyes. "Daria, this is another example of you prioritizing things over our relationship."

Daria said "Link, don't be like that. I'm doing this because I prioritize the relationship. Some time apart will make it easier for us to get back on track. While we're on the subject, what's with you being so needy lately?"

"Because," said Link, "For the past six months you've been acting more and more disconnected. The only place we seem to connect anymore is the bedroom."

Daria explained "That's why I need to do this. A few days away might help me remember what life without you is like and give me some incentive to work on things when I get back."

Link replied "Or remind you of the freedom of being single and give you a reason to make it permanent."

"Link, don't be like that," said Daria, "If I wanted that I'd just break up with you, not ghost you while I'm in another city."

Link thought it over as Daria hoped he didn't see through her deception.

"I get that," said Link, "I guess a few days apart may lend some perspective."

Daria said "Thanks, Link" and kissed him.

**Outside, later...**

As Daria left the building and began to make her way home she had just one thought.

_Why do I not feel bad about lying to him? He has a right to know that I'm contemplating a move to New York, but what does it say about me that I see this as a potential exit strategy for our relationship?_

* * *

**Morgendorffer House, a few days later...**

Daria exited the front door with a suitcase, greatful that her parents were away and she therefore didn't have to endure one of her mother's well meaning but annoyingly useless lectures on how to behave during the interview. After locking the door behind her, Daria made her way to a yellow 2012 Ford Fiesta waiting by the curb.

Inside the mini SUV Nicole was in the driver's seat while Jamie rode shotgun. Daria entered the back and stowed her suitcase next to her on the seat. "Thanks for doing this" she said.

Smiling, Nicole said "No problem, Daria. You're always welcome to travel with us."

Jamie asked "Where are you staying?"

"Jane's loft in SoHo," said Daria, "She's expecting me."

Nicole said "You know, you're more than welcome to stay at our place in Glenville."

"Yeah," said Jamie, "It's no trouble at all."

Daria said "Appreciated, but if I'm in the New York City area I'd prefer to stay in the city, not a version of Lawndale that just happens to be on Long Island."

With that, they left. The SUV drove to the interstate and then took I-95 to Secaucus, New Jersey. Once in Secaucus, they took the Lincoln Tunnel exit. From there they took the tunnel into the city, then took 30th Street. Four blocks later they took a right on Broadway and followed that down past Houston, where Broadway became Mercer Street. Once in SoHo they found Jane's building. Jane was standing out front waiting for them.

* * *

**Jane's loft, evening...**

Daria and Jane were sitting on the couch watching Sick, Sad World. On the TV screen was a woman dressed in all black and wearing a ski mask as she filled a sack with cups of white fluid.

"She desperately wanted to be a mom...so she robbed the local sperm bank! Stealing Seeds, next on Sick, Sad World!"

As the TV cut to a commercial, Daria said "Why am I not surprised? Everyone seems to have babies on the brain lately."

"Well," said Jane, "Sandi and Tom just got married, Stacy and Chuck just had a second kid, Nicole and Jamie are getting ready to try having a kid while your sister and Jim are seriously considering it. Guess Baby Fever's going around."

Daria said "Please tell me you and Alan aren't already thinking about kids. You've only been married for three months."

Stifling a laugh, Jane said "Relax, Daria. My plans don't include parenthood." She immediately decided to change the subject. "So, how'd Link take the possidility of you moving to New York?"

Daria sighed. "I haven't told him," she admitted, "He thinks I'm up here just to catch up with you."

Jane raised an eyebrow. "Problems, I take it."

"Well," said Daria, "One of us is still interested, but it's not me. In fact, I'm beginning to think if he weren't so good in the sack we'd be broken up already."

"Stringing a guy along for your benefit," said Jane, "Did you and Quinn have a brain transplant?"

"You know what her and Jim have is real, right?"

"Yes," Jane replied, "But it doesn't change the fact that it was her pattern back in high school. Thanks for ruining my joke, by the way."

Daria sighed. "Sorry, this situation with Link has me all worked up. The fact that everyone I know is currently in a happy relationship doesn't help things."

Jane looked thoughtful for a second. Finally...

"This reminds me of the buildup to the Tom situation. I lost interest and started blowing him off more and more while he was growing less and less interested in me. Add the growing attraction between you and Tom and we had the perfect storm for a love triangle that nearly destroyed our friendship."

"This is a little different," said Daria, "Link's still interested in me, but I'm getting less interested in him. Also, I don't think there's a budding attraction between you and Link to complicate things further."

"True," Jane admitted, "Better to ditch him for a job in New York than wait until an attraction between him and your BFF gets so strong that they can't help acting on it. Tom and I should've ended things before they reached that point."

"Jane," said Daria, "You aren't still bitter about it, are you?"

Jane said "Why would I be? It was thirteen years ago. I'm just saying that the whole incident was as much my fault, maybe more so. If Tom and I had ended things sooner we could've avoided that whole drama altogether."

Rather than re-hash that old topic further, Daria got things back to her and Link. "So, you think Link and I should break up?"

"Possiby," said Jane, "But if the relationship's still salvageable you might wanna hold off on that."

Daria said "Okay, how's this for a scenario? I get this job and then decide I wanna try and work things out with Link. What then?"

Jane thought it over for a moment. "You have two choices. One is to turn down the job."

"I can't do that," said Daria, "For one thing, I've been unemployed for five years. For another, being a writer in New York is something I've wanted ever since I was stuck in the cesspool otherwise known as Highland, TX."

Jane said "The other choice is to bring Link with you."

Daria shook her head. "Link has a job and a life in Lawndale. I can't ask him to walk away from that to salvage a relationship who's demise may already be past the point of no return."

"Typical Daria," said Jane, "Never a simple problem or solution."

"Damn over thinking" Daria deadpanned.

Jane decided it was time to change the subject.

"Wonder what Quinn and her husband are up to."

* * *

**Meanwhile, in Lawndale...**

Quinn and Jim were in the master bedroom of their house. Both naked on the bed, Quinn was on all fours while her husband was doing her doggie style. She was loving it.

"Oh...Jim...ah...ah...Ah...Ah...AH...AH...OH...YES...FUCK...ME...JIM...YES...HARDER...FUCK...ME...HARDER...OHYES...OH...YES...OHGODJIMYES...GIVEITTOME...GIVEITTOME...FUCKME...FUCKME...KNOCK...ME...UP...FILL...MY...OHFUCKINGGODYES...MAKE...ME...A...MOM...FUCK...FUCK...FUCK A BABY INTO ME...KNOCK ME UP...GIVE ME...GIVE...FILL ME WITH YOUR KIDS...YES..."

The dirty talk had gone in a direction that was starting to kill the mood for Jim. He rapidly slowed his thrusts as Quinn felt him start to lose interest.

"J...Jim?"

Jim pulled out of his wife and immediately sat down on his usual side of the bed.

"Jim, what the hell!?" asked a disappointed Quinn. She'd been so close to orgasm when her husband stopped.

Jim said nothing, which caused Quinn to immediately go from disappointed to concerned. She sat next to him.

"Babe, what's wrong?"

Jim sighed. "Quinn, are you still on the pill?"

Quinn nodded. "Yes, since we're still undecided on kids."

"What was with you just now?" he asked.

"What do you mean?" Quinn asked in turn.

Jim said "As much as I like how dirty you talk when we get it on what you said this time kind of took my mind off the sex."

Quinn said nothing but gave her husband a look that he knew was a demand for further explanation.

"Quinn," he said, "You were saying things like 'knock me up', 'fill me with your babies' and 'fuck a kid into me'. What's up with that?"

"What?" said Quinn, "I like to talk dirty during sex and you normally love hearing me talk dirty."

Jim admitted "I guess it caused me to start thinking about why I'm on the fence about kids. Once that train of thought started I just couldn't stay in the moment."

Quinn put a hand on her husband's shoulder and tried to reassure him. "Jim, you're afraid you might not be up to that kind of responsibility. I get it."

"But I know you want kids," said Jim, "I want that too. The problem is my father made the first eighteen years of my life a living hell and that really messed me up. I'm afraid I might do the same thing to our kids."

"Jim," said Quinn, "You're not your father. You won't be like that."

"Quinn," Jim replied, "I don't know how to raise children without brutalizing them."

Quinn said "Your mother did good. Frankly, she's the reason you turned out as stable as you did."

"That's the thing," said Jim, "I know how to be a good mother, I don't know how to be a good father."

"There's a difference?" said Quinn.

Jim nodded. "Add to that my anger issues from childhood."

"Jim," said Quinn, "My father had a similar childhood to yours and he has many of the same issues, but he never once abused Daria or me."

Jim had to admit that Quinn had a point. "I know, I just can't help worrying. My father abused me, both of his parents abused him. His father was similarly abused by his own father. What if it's a cycle that's doomed to repeat itself no matter what?"

It was at this point that Quinn got an idea. "Jim," she said, "You should speak to my father when my parents get back from Europe. He can give you some perspective. Also, you can turn to others for an example. Chuck and Stacy are great parents to their own kids, and they both grew up in love starved households."

Jim smiled as it dawned on him that he already had a pretty strong support network. "Thanks, Quinn" he said as he kissed his wife on the forehead.

Smiling, Quinn said "So, my ever so sexy man, you've got some unfinished business."

Jim said "Quinn, I'm not really in the mood for sex now."

With a pout, Quinn said "Jim, I really need to have an orgasm. You gonna get me off, or do I have to break out the vibrator and do it myself?"

Jim briefly considered his options. He wanted to give Quinn an orgasm. Then again, watching his wife get herself off might get him back in the mood for more sex. He made his decision. Rather than tell Quinn with words, he let his hand do the talking by placing it...somewhere.

"Mmmm...yeah, Jim..." Quinn cooed.

* * *

**New York City, the next day...**

Wearing a business suit and stylish wire frame glasses, Daria was making her way to the SBC building at Rockefeller Center. Jane accompanied her.

As they approached the entrance Jane said "Well, here we are."

"Wish me luck," said Daria, "I'll need it."

"See ya back at the apartment later" Jane said, "You remember which train to take to get back to SoHo?"

Nodding, Daria said "Yeah. Thanks, Jane."

"Later, amiga" said Jane with a wave as she left.

**A waiting room, later...**

Daria was sitting down waiting her turn to be interviewed.

"Miss Morgendorffer" the secretary suddenly called out, "Mr. LePope will see you now."

Daria rose from her seat and made her way to the door of Frankie LePope's office. She paused for a moment to take a deep breath.

_Here goes nothing._

Daria proceeded to enter the office.

**To be continued...**


	3. Chapter 3

**New York City, day...**

Daria sat in front of the desk of late night talk show host and comedian Frankie LePope. Frankie was a man in his late thirties with black hair that was slicked back and a chisled movie star face. Daria noticed one thing about him up close that the cameras never revealed, his blood shot eyes. Not only that, but he reeked of whiskey.

"So," he said, "As a staff writer for my show you understand you may have to do a few extra things besides writing funny zingers."

"Such as?" asked Daria.

Frankie explained "Nothing too bad, just run an occassional errand when my medication runs low." Looking at his watch, he added "Speaking of which, it's time for my afternoon dose."

Frankie opened a desk drawer and got out his medication, along with a bottle of scotch. He didn't even try to hide the fact that his 'medication' was cocaine. Using a pocket comb to arrange some of the coke into a line on his desk Frankie proceeded to snort it through a drinking straw that he always kept in his pocket. He followed this up by drinking a large swig of scotch directly from the bottle before putting everything back up.

Without thinking, Daria said "Nothing like hard drugs and booze to ensure continued good health."

Stifling a laugh, Frankie said "Good one, Miss Morgendorffer."

"I just made a dry, insulting observation about your vices," said Daria, "Can we just skip to you telling me I cheated myself out of a job."

After a brief laughing fit, Frankie said "Remarks like that are actually why you're perfect for this job."

Daria was unsure whether or not to feel relieved as she was also unsure whether he really thought that or it was just the scotch and nose candy talking.

"You see," Frankie continued, "You have the kind of dry with that makes for great comedy. So long as you don't consider it a problem that I like me some scotch and Colombian sugar you're perfect for the job."

Daria was stunned speechless. Most people take offense when she points out their shortcomings.

"Daria Morgendorffer," said Frankie as he extended his hand, "Welcome to The Evening Show."

Amazed and pleasantly surprised, Daria shook his hand.

* * *

**Central Park, later...**

Daria was strolling down Literary Walk. As she looked at the bronze statues of famous characters from literature she contemplated her situation.

_Finally. After five years and a ton of dissappointments I finally have a steady job. Granted, my boss is both a coke head and an alcoholic, but that's par for the course among showbiz types._

Daria suddenly looked somber as the logistics of what to do next dawned on her.

_Housing in New York's outrageously expensive, I'll have to save a little each month until I have enough to get my own place. Fortunately, Jane already made it clear that she wants me to room with her and Alan in the meantime. Hopefully, after just a few short months I can afford a place._

She frowned as another problem occurred to her.

_Link. This means I have to break up with Link. Granted, that's probably for the best regardless. Doesn't mean it's easier to take. I can take it. In fact, I'm starting to grow comfortable with the idea that I took this job in part as an exit strategy. The problem is that he doesn't even know I was up here to interview for a job. He's still invested in our relationship while I've essentially checked out on us already._

Daria immediately imagined how the conversation would go.

_"You're right, Link, I have lost interest in the relationship. I didn't say that I loved you the last time we made love because I don't love you anymore. I've gotten so board with you that I constantly blow you off to do my own thing. I only seem to wanna be around you when I'm horny. The rest of the time I'd rather write, watch TV or hang out with my sister, unless Jane's in town, in which case Quinn's just as out of luck as you are. Now I've taken a job in another city, I'm moving in with Jane and I think so little of you that I kept you in the dark about my plans until they were past the point of no return. The only thing I'm getting out of our relationship is great sex and losing that is a small price to pay for all the other stuff I want. Goodbye, Link."_

Daria hung her head and sighed.

_God, I'm such a selfish bitch._

* * *

**Meanwhile, in Rome, Italy...**

As Daria was walking through Central Park three-thousand miles and six time zones away Tom and Sandi were seated at an outdoor restaurant in the Italian capitol. They were on their honeymoon and looking at the menus.

"It's like dinner at Quinn's" said Sandi of the food selection.

Tom replied "Well, her husband is of Italian ancestry."

"The Carbone's aren't Roman," said Sandi, "Jim's mother is from the Veneto region, while his father's side of the family is Neapolitan."

Tom said "And you used to hold brains in disdain."

Smiling, Sandi said "I also used to believe in Santa Claus. Then I grew up."

Tom flashed his new wife an endearing smile. Sandi could actually match Daria in terms of wit, and Tom loved her for it. Indeed, while Sandi could be a controlling bitch she had a way of making it easier to take than it would be coming from Daria. In fact, Tom knew that was why his relationship with Daria didn't last while his relationship with Sandi has resulted in a trip down the aisle.

"Point taken" said Tom.

At this point, a waiter came up to the table.

"Scuzzi" he said as he held out a bottle of red wine, "Il vino rosso per ti."

"Grazie," said Tom. He then sturggled with what to say next.

Seeing this, the waiter said "I do speak English, signor."

Relieved, Tom said "Thank God." He looked at the bottle. "Chianti 2009."

"Si, signor," said the waiter, "May I take the order?"

Tom said "I'll have the lasagna."

"Buono, messer," said the waiter as he jotted the order down before turning to Sandi, "And for you, bella donna."

Flattered, Sandi said "Voligio scampi e linguinie, e tiramisu per dolce."

Tom was flabbergasted as he didn't know that Sandi could speak Italian.

"Buono, messera," said the waiter, "Uno lasagna, scampi e linguinie, e per dolce tiramisu, si?"

Nodding, Sandi said "Si, grazie."

With that, the waiter left. Impressed, Tom said "How come you never told me you can speak Italian?"

"Because I only speak a little," Sandi admitted, "I know enough Italian to get around, but not enough to hold an entire conversation."

"It's still impressive," said Tom, "Where'd you learn it?"

Sandi said "My mother's maiden name is D'Mico. I picked some up from my grandparents when I was a kid. I learned some more in college to fulfill my foreign language requirement."

"Why Italian?"

"Because Spanish is boring and French is overrated."

They both laughed.

What neither of them noticed was two familiar faces coming up the sidewalk. Sandi and Tom did not know that Helen and Jake were also in Rome, nor did the latter know that Sandi and Tom's honeymoon was in Rome.

Spotting the couple, Jake said "Helen, look. Those two look like Tom and Sandi."

Helen looked. "Jake," she said, "I think that is Tom and Sandi."

Jake was amazed. "I didn't know they were honeymooning in Rome."

"Neither did I," said Helen, "I only knew they were in Italy."

Jake got an idea. "Wanna have dinner with them?"

Rolling her eyes, Helen said "Jake, they're on their honeymoon. Leave them in peace."

"But," Jake whined, "I'm hungry."

"Jake," said Helen, "Let's not spoil things for them."

Jake said "Helen, I'm not saying we stay with them all the time. Let's just say hi and get some dinner while we're at it."

Without waiting for a reply Jake immediately made his way to the restaurant. Helen sighed.

A short time later Sandi and Tom were still making conversation.

"God, this is sooo romantic," said Sandi.

"Well," said Tom, "Romance is derived from Roman."

Rolling her eyes, Sandi said "That's so...geeky." After a brief pause, she grinned as she added "And yet, it turns me on when you get like that. Tonight, ti voglio cocolare...hard."

Tom playfully asked "Does that mean something dirty?"

"Sort of," said Sandi, "It literally means 'I want to cuddle you' but I only said that because I don't know the Italian word for fuck."

"Why, you dirty girl" Tom playfully replied.

"Hey, kids, small world."

Tom gasped while Sandi blushed with embarrassment as Jake and Helen were right there.

* * *

**Meanwhile, in Lawndale...**

Quinn was at Chuck and Stacy's house, where she and Stacy were chatting over tea in the kitchen. Next to Stacy was her three month old daughter, Quinn Ruttheimer, while her three year old son, Chucky, was playing with toy trucks on the floor.

"Chucky, don't leave the kitchen" Stacy reminded the small red haired boy.

"Okay, Mommy" Chucky replied.

Seeing this, Quinn said "He's sooo cute."

Little Chucky smiled. "'Anks, Ann Quinn."

Stacy smiled as she found it adorable when her son mispronounced Aunt Quinn.

Turning to the three month old baby, Quinn cooed "Don't worry, Quinn, I haven't forgotten you. Yes, you aunt Quinn thinks you're adorable."

Noting how the baby was named after Quinn, Stacy said "That's gonna be confusing when she get older."

"Maybe a nickname would help" Quinn suggested.

Stacy said "That's why Chuck's been calling her 'Q', after the scientist in all those James Bond movies."

"God, that's sooo like him," said Quinn, "Though Jim would probably do the exact same thing."

Deciding to get back on topic, Stacy said "So, Jim's worried that when you have kids he'll wind up repeating all of his fathers mistakes."

Nodding, Quinn said "That's why I came over. I mean, your mother was emotionally abusive toward you but you practically revolve your whole world around your kids. How do you do it?"

"Easy," said Stacy, "I just remember how it felt when my mother treated me like a burden and use that as incentive not to be like that with my own kids."

"What about when they misbehave?" asked Quinn, "How do you keep your temper from getting the best of you there? I ask because Jim doesn't know how to discipline children without beating or emotionally traumatizing them."

Stacy said "Chuck and I had that problem last year, while Chucky was in the terrible twos. He was a nightmare to deal with."

"How'd you fix it?" asked Quinn.

Stacy continued. "See, at first we both just hoped it'd go away on it's own. We did that because Chuck's parents used to hit him when he got out of line, as did mine, but we'd agreed early on not to do that with our own kids, no matter what. Problem with that was it left us at a total loss on how to correct Chucky's misbehavior, until we saw an episode of Supernanny and learned about time outs. After that, we designated an area where whenever he acts up Chucky as to stay and be quiet. How long he has to be like that varies in direct proportion to the severity of what he did. It's worked great so far. When he's old enough for school and starts making friends we'll add groundings to the mix."

Quinn nodded. "Makes sense. To be honest, I'm a little worried about how I'd do as a mom. My mother was such a workaholic that both Daria and I often felt neglected growing up."

"Quinn," said Stacy, "You'll do fine. You're not your mother."

"I know," said Quinn, "I've already promised myself that if I ever have to choose between my job and my kids, kids win every time." After a pause, Quinn went on to admit "Although, that choice is made easier by the fact that both Jim and I are self-employed."

"How come Jim isn't here?" Stacy asked, "since it's him who's worried?"

Quinn said "He's helping Tom by picking up a car he secretly bought for Sandi, a Porsche 911. Tom's wants to surprise her with it when they get back. By the time I thought to come over and ask you about parenting he'd already left. Also, I didn't wanna bring him around only to find out you had no advice to give."

"Makes sense" said Stacy, who immediately decided to change the subject. Looking at her watch, she said "It's evening in Rome now. What do you think Sandi and Tom are up to?"

"Knowing them," said Quinn, "A romantic dinner followed by hot sex."

* * *

**Meanwhile, in Rome...**

At the outdoor restaurant Jake and Tom were engaged in conversation while both Helen and Sandi were both looking cross at their respective husbands.

"Remember when we caught that squirrel?" Jake asked.

"That was fun," said Tom with a nod, "Especially since we went go carting afterwards."

"Speaking of racing," said Jake, "Don't you drive a Ferrari?"

Forgetting that Sandi's right there, Tom said "Yes, and I secretly bought Sandi a Porsche 911 as a wedding present. Jim's picking it up today and I'm gonna surprise her with it when we get back."

Irritated, Sandi growled "You just spoiled the surprise, Tom."

Tom didn't answer as he was too engrossed in his conversation with Jake to even hear her.

Sympathetic, Helen told Sandi "Get used to it. This is what married life is like for everyone."

Jake, meanwhile, said to Tom "I ask because Helen and I are gonna tour the Ferarri assembly plant in Maranello. Wanna come with us?"

Helen immediately jumped in. "Now, Jake..."

"We'd love to" Tom interrupted.

Sandi said nothing as she stared daggers at both men. _Tom_ she thought, _I know I said I wanted to have sex when we got back to the hotel, but you've just killed any chance of that happening._

Jake and Tom continue with the small talk while their respective wives start to have fantasies about murdering their men.

* * *

**Jane's SoHo loft, later...**

Jane was about to start a painting when she heard the buzzer for her door. Putting down the brush, she made her way to the door and opened it. It was Daria.

"Well?" asked Jane.

"I got the job," said Daria as she entered, "I start in two weeks."

Closing the door, Jane said "Congratulations, amiga."

"Well, next comes the hard part" said Daria, "telling Link that I took a job in New York and we have to break up."

Raising an eyebrow, Jane said "I thought you wanted to break up with Link."

"I do," said Daria, "But in the process I have to tell him that I lied to him."

Jane eyed her BFF with curiosity. "I thought you hated lying."

"Now you know why I want to break up with Link," said Daria, "I've lost interest to the point where I have no problem with going behind his back in order to end things."

Jane immediately understood. "If you hadn't gotten this job, you would've just kept going through the motions with him, wouldn't you?"

As they both sat down on the couch, Daria admitted "Probably. In only one of my breakups was I the one doing the dumping."

Jane knew Daria was talking about breaking up with Tom just before graduating high school.

Continuing, Daria said "All my other relationships ended with him deciding I'm more trouble than I'm worth."

"Daria," said Jane, "You need to break this pattern. Let's look at your post-Tom relationship history. You cheated on the next boyfriend and went about it in a way that ensured you'd get caught. You did that so he'd dump you and spare you the trouble of dumping him. In fact, you had a couple of relationships where after you decide it's not working you start hooking up with other guys without breaking up first just to give your main squeeze a reason to dump you. Then, you had a couple of relationships where once you decided it wasn't working you started being really bitchy in an attempt to drive him away. Bottom line, you don't like to break up unless he initiates it."

Daria thought it over for a second. _Jane's right_ she realized, _Whenever I lose interest in a relationship I don't break up with him. Instead, I try giving him reasons to break up with me. God, am I that messed up?_ Out loud, Daria said "I see your point. I just wish I could figure out why instead of just telling him it's not working I try to drive him away instead."

"Second nature," said Jane, "Making people dislike you is such a natural thing that when you lose interest instead of just saying so you try to make him lose interest as well. Also, I remember how much it hurt when you dumped Tom. You wanted to avoid a repeat of that kind of guilt so rather than end things yourself you deliberately give him reasons to end things instead."

Daria said "Okay, but why, after following that pattern for the past twelve years, does the prospect of doing that with Link make me feel guilty."

"Daria," said Jane, "You're thirty. Maybe you're getting more mature."

Daria said "Jane, turning thirty doesn't automatically confer extra maturity on someone, but that's a subject for another time." Suddenly, something occurred to her. "It's because I didn't give a damn about the other guys once the initial spark wore off. I still care about Link. I'm no longer romantically interested, but I still like him as a friend."

"Then it's obvious what you need to do when you get back to Lawndale," said Jane, "Tell Link how you feel, end things, but do it in a way that leaves the door open for a platonic relationship in the future."

Daria sat there looking thoughtful.

* * *

**Rome...**

Sandi and Tom are back at the hotel. Unfortunately, rather than make love like she'd originally wanted they're having an argument instead.

"Dammit, Tom," Sandi hissed, "First, you invite Jake and Helen to join us for dinner despite protests from both Helen and myself. Then, you get so into a conversation with him that you forget I'm even there. You spoil a surprise in the process. For that, I should push the Porsche off a cliff and confiscate your Ferrari. To add insult to injury, you arrainge to tour a car factory with them, over both mine and Helen's objections!"

"Sandi," Tom tried to explain, "I was trying to be polite."

"Polite!?" Sandi barked, "What about me!? Dammit, Tom, this is supposed to be our honeymoon!"

"Sandi," Tom protested, "It's just one day!"

"Until the next time, you mean" she practically hissed.

Raising an eyebrow, Tom asked "What's that supposed to mean?"

Sandi said "Jake started talking about guy stuff and you got so into it that you became oblivious to everything else, including me!"

"Sandi, that's not true!" Tom protested.

Sandi responded by giving him the cold shoulder. "Whatever."

"Come on, Sandi," said Tom, "Look, I'm sorry, okay."

Sandi continued to ignore him.

"Sandi, please," said Tom, "Okay, yes, it was thoughtless and insensitive of me to schedule a day with the Morgendorffers on our honeymoon. I'm sorry for that. I just didn't think. I'll make it up to you."

Sandi continued to give her husband the silent treatment.

"Come on," Tom begged, "You know I wouldn't intentionally do anything to upset you."

Sandi finally spoke. "Tom," she said, "Do me a favor and don't talk to me for a while!"

Hurt, Tom said "But, Sandi, it's our honeymoon."

"Good," she said, "Now you know how it feels to get the brush off."

"But, Sandi..."

She cut him off.

"Just go."

"But..."

"DON'T TALK TO ME AGAIN TONIGHT, GODDAMMIT!!"

"eep."

**To be continued...**


	4. Chapter 4

**Lawndale, afternoon...**

Quinn was on her way home from her visit with Stacy. As she pulled her car into the driveway of her and Jim's house she saw a yellow Hummer pull into the driveway next door.

Quinn and Jim's next door neighbors were Kevin and Brittany. Their life followed a fairly predictable pattern post high school. Brittany was accepted at Great Prairie State (along with the rest of the cheer squad) while Kevin had to repeat senior year. As a result, she'd dumped him at summer's end. Kevin was bummed both by this and by the realization, once school started, that no longer being the quarterback had put his popularity into free fall. Fortunately, Kevin graduated this time. However, Quinn knew (and was proud of) that it was only because she'd tutored him. Without her Kevin would've most likely kept flunking before going on to be the quintessential loser who'd peaked in high school. Ironically, that still happened. Brittany came back for the summer and immediately got back with Kevin. It was just supposed to be a summer fling, one last 'on' period before calling it quits for good.

That changed midway through the summer. At the Landon's Fourth Of July Cookout Kevin and Brittany snuck off and had sex. Granted, they'd been sexually active since freshman year but this time was different. This time not only was Brittany not on the pill but they didn't think to use a condom. Two weeks later she missed her period. Kevin initially freaked out when he realized that he'd gotten Brittany pregnant. Brittany freaked that instead of going back to Great Prairie in the fall she'd now have to stay in Lawndale and raise a kid. Kevin, after a talk with his father, decided to marry Brittany. Brittany, unable to see any alternative, said yes when he proposed.

They'd married that October and in April of 2002 Ultra Tommy Thompson was born. Quinn thought of how they'd taken one of Daria's remarks seriously and actually named their first born after Ultra Cola. The baby's middle name was chosen as an homage to Tommy Sherman. Brittany went to Lawndale State part time while Kevin bounced from one job to another as her father, never able to say no to his little girl, supported them financially. It took an extra year, but Brittany managed to graduate college with a degree in physical education. After this, she took a job as a cheerleading coach/gym teacher at Lwandale High. In the years since then they'd gone on to have four more kids. First, a daughter named Angie, after Brittany's high school BFF. Then, twin daughters Nikki and Lisa, also named after friends of hers. Brittany had just given birth to their fifth child.

While they seemed happy, there was one major flaw in Kevin and Brittany's marriage. After giving birth to the twins Brittany had trouble regaining her pre pregnancy shape. To remedy this she'd enlisted the aid of a personal trainer, a well hung black stud named Daryl. The attraction between them was immediate and so intense that an extramarital affair began almost right away. Four years later the affair was still going on and showed no signs of cooling anytime soon. By now almost everyone in town knew what was going on. Kevin, however, was one of the few who didn't know about Brittany and Daryl. Due to his stupidity, Kevin didn't even suspect that his wife's relationship with her personal trainer was not strictly professional. In fact, Brittany and Daryl routinely hooked up at the house, while Kevin's home, and he STILL didn't even suspect that his wife was cheating on him.

Now, they'd obviously just come home from the hospital as Brittany had just given birth to her and Kevin's fifth child. This one was a boy whom they'd named Kevin Thompson Junior. Quinn walked over to say hi.

"Hey, guys."

Helping Brittany out of the car, Kevin said "Hey, Quinn. What's up?"

"Hi, Quinn," said Brittany.

Pointing to the baby wrapped in blankets, Kevin said "Check out my new son."

Quinn looked at the baby and gasped in shock. The child was black, just like Daryl.

"Oh...my...GOD!"

Smiling proudly, Kevin said "Yeah, I know! I'm such a badass stud that I actually produced a black kid! Pretty cool, huh?"

Brittany, naturally, made no effort to correct her husband's assumption as Quinn felt a great swell of pity for him as it's painfully obvious that Kevin Junior's biological father is Daryl. Quinn was about to tell Kevin that they need to have a talk when her cell phone went off.

Looking at the number, Quinn said "I gotta take this."

Kevin and Brittany accepted this explanation.

As Quinn walked toward the house she spoke into her cell.

"Sandi, what's wrong!?"

* * *

**Meanwhile, in Rome...**

Sandi was talking to Quinn on the phone on the nightstand as she didn't have an international plan on her cell.

"Quinn," she said, "Tom and I just had a huge fight."

"What happened?" Quinn asked on her end.

"Your parents happened," said Sandi, "We ran into them and they immediately invited themselves to join us for dinner."

"Oh, God" gasped Quinn.

"Did you know they were in Rome?"

"No," said Quinn, "I knew they were in Italy but they didn't tell me where and I never thought to ask."

"Well, they're here in Rome" Sandi confirmed, "and they've managed to ruin my honeymoon."

Quinn said "I'm almost afraid to ask, but how did this lead to a fight with Tom."

Sandi explained "Tom and your father started talking and got so into the conversation that they forgot I was even there. They immediately scheduled a trip to the Ferrari plant in Maranello without checking with me. Also, I now know about the Prosche waiting for me when we get back."

Quinn knew about the car. "Jim's picking it up today. In fact, he's probably dropping it off at your house as we speak."

Sandi said "I was so upset that I practically dragged Tom back to the hotel and gave him the mother of ass chewings. How could he be so clueless?"

"Sandi," said Quinn, "All guys are kind of clueless like that. They're just wired that way. I can't even tell you how many times Jim's done something that really pissed me off because he wasn't thinking."

"How do you get past it?" Sandi asked.

Quinn said "By remembering that he didn't mean to do anything to upset me and it was an honest mistake."

Sandi said "Tom should've known that I don't wanna spend our honeymoon looking at cars with your parents."

"Yes," said Quinn, "But that's not how guys think. He probably didn't realize what he was doing until it was already too late to take it back. Trust me, even before the fight he was sorry."

"He said so," Sandi admitted, "He tried to apologize to me, but I was too angry to listen."

Quinn spoke in a reassuring tone. "Sandi, this really isn't that big of a deal. You and Tom'll be fine. However, allow me to give you some advice for the future."

"Okay" said Sandi.

Quinn said "There's going to be a lot of little things that piss you off over the years, that's true even in the best marriages. Let them slide. Save your wrath for big things, like infidelity or diverging life goals. The kinds of things that make a relationship insustainable. Let go of things that are just a minor annoyance, like having to spend a day doing something you have zero interest in."

Sandi said nothing but looked thoughtful.

"One more thing," added Quinn, "Make up before going to bed. Jim and I have a policy of never going to bed angry and it's worked out great so far."

* * *

**A short time later...**

Tom, clad in boxer shorts and a t-shirt, was listening to a robe clad Sandi air her grievances in a calm manner.

"...so that's why I was so upset. Now, after calming down it occurs to me that it's just one day and the rest of our honeymoon is still salvageable."

"Sandi," said Tom, "I'm sorry. Mr. Morgendorffer just got me so worked up that I didn't think. After something like this I'll remember to keep my head in the future."

"I know," said Sandi, "Sorry I was such a bitch earlier."

Tom said "I was being a stupid jerk, you had every right to be bitchy."

"Forgive me?" Sandi asked.

"No," said Tom, "because there's nothing to forgive. I'm the one who was totally inconsiderate."

"I forgive you for that" said Sandi, "and I love you."

"I love you too" said Tom. After this they kissed.

Sandi then stood up and began to untie her bathrobe. "Now that we've made up.." she said as the robe fell to the floor and she stood naked before her husband, "...let's seal the deal with some makeup sex."

They would spend the rest of the evening going at it until thay were both spent.

* * *

**Lawndale, a few days later...**

A red 2007 Ford Mustang pulled up the driveway to Haus Morgendorffer. After that the car's enging was shut off. As Daria emerged from the passenger side Jane came out of the driver side.

"Home, sweet home" said Jane.

"But not for much longer" said Daria.

**Inside, a short time later...**

Daria and Jane were sitting in Daria's room. Looking at the still padded walls, Jane said "So, Helen never got around to making good on her redecorating threats?"

"No," said Daria, "and that should surprise no one."

"True," said Jane, "So, what about the Link situation?"

"I've been thinking about that" said Daria, "and managed to come up with a solution. I'm just going to go to his place, tell the truth and explain my desire to break up with him and still remain friends."

"I see" said Jane. "By the way, are you sure you don't mind me staying here a few days?"

Daria said "Well, I need to stick around here long enough to tell everyone that I'm moving to New York and I'm now a staff writer for the Evening Show. Also, at some point I need to break up with Link."

Deadpan, Jane said "Being casual about breakups, Daria? You are turning into Quinn."

Retrieving her cell phone from her bag, Daria said "Might as well get things started."

She dialed a number and waited for a few seconds until...

"Hey, Link, I'm back...It was fun...Listen, can we get together this evening at Pizza Prince? We...we need to talk."

* * *

**Pizza Prince, evening...**

Daria and Link were seated across from each other in a booth.

"Link," said Daria, "We need to talk about our relationship."

Link said "Yeah, I've been meaning to talk about that. See, I..well..." Link took a breath to calm his nerves. "It's like this. While you were in New York I did some thinking. Remember the night after Sandi's wedding? We had sex and fought about it afterwards because I said that I loved you and you didn't say it back."

Daria said "You're still on that?"

"Actually," Link continued, "I didn't say it during the sex, I said it afterwards. The reason I said it then is the same reason you didn't say it at all, I don't feel it anymore. I said I loved you out of obligation. Truth is, as hot as it was, the sex felt less like a couple making love and more like two people just trying to get each other off. It caused me to realize that we've both just been going through the motions lately. Don't get me wrong, Daria, I still like you as a friend, but I think this relationship has pretty much run it's course and we should break up."

Daria stifled a laugh.

"What's so funny?" asked a confused Link.

Daria said "Link, I was about to break up with you. Turns out you just saved me the trouble." After a brief pause, she went on. "Look, Link, I like you as a friend but I'm not in love with you anymore. I was worried that you wouldn't take it well, so it's ironic that you've come to the same conclusion."

"Yeah," Link admitted, "It is kind of funny. So, it turns out that we both wanna break up."

"Yes," said Daria, "but I also want us to remain friends."

"I want that too" said Link.

Daria took a deep breath before continuing. "Link, I have a confession to make. The real reason I went to New York was to interview for a job. I didn't say anything because I didn't wanna upset you prematurely. I felt bad about lying to you, which makes this conversation even more ironic since while I was questioning my motives you were deciding to end things regardless. Does that bother you?"

"Not really," Link admitted, "To be honest, I would've done the same thing in your position. Frankly, what we had was nice but it's run it's course."

"So" Daria asked, "are we still friends?"

"Of course" said Link.

Words could not describe the amount of relief Daria felt.

* * *

**Quinn and Jim's house, the next day...**

Daria and Quinn were at the kitchen table talking. Daria has just updated Quinn on everything.

"So" said Quinn, "You took a job in New York and broke up with Link."

Daria said "I'm surprised how easy that second one was. I've spent the past week a nervous wreck, worrying how Link would take my desire to end things, and it turned out I was worked up over nothing. He wanted to end it just as much as I did."

Quinn suddenly looked sad. "So, I guess this means you're moving."

Daria knew why her sister seemed so sad. "Quinn, I couldn't stay at Mom and Dad's forever."

"I know," said Quinn, "It's just that since you came back after grad school I've gotten used to having you around again."

Daria said "Quinn, this doesn't change things between us. New York's only a four hour drive from here. Besides, Nicole and Jamie live on Long Island and you've kept in touch with them."

"She actually wants me and Jim to move up there" said Quinn. "I'm tempted, but I have a life here."

"Speaking of your life" said Daria, "how's that been?"

Quinn said "Jim and I are seriously thinking about kids. He was nervous about how he might measure up as a parent, but not anymore."

"What changed his mind?" asked Daria.

Quinn said "I had a conversation with Stacy and she gave me some pointers to relay to Jim." Seeing the look on Daria's face, she added "Jim had some business to take care of, that's why he wasn't there. I also told him how my father didn't become an abuser despite being abused himself. Jim realized that he's not doomed to become the toxic piece of shit his father is."

"So," said Daria, "You guys made a decision?"

Nodding, Quinn said "One last summer with a bikini body. In September we start working on having a child."

Daria looked thoughtful for a few minutes. She thought of recent events.

"So" Daria said, "I'm a staff writer for a nationally broadcast talk show, Tom and Sandi are married, Chuck and Stacy are parents, Jamie and Nicole are trying to have a child while you and Jim have finally decided to take that plunge yourselves. What happened to us?"

Smiling, Quinn said "We grew up, that's what?"

The two sisters exchanged smiles before continuing to make small talk.

**To be continued...**


	5. Chapter 5

**Spring, 2013...**

Jane was driving her Mustang on Glen Oaks Drive in Lawndale. Daria rode shotgun while Trent was in the back seat. Since the previous summer Daria had been rooming with Jane and her husband, Alan, at their loft in SoHo while she saves money for her own place. Now, they were heading back to Lwandale to spend Easter with the Morgendorffers. Jane and Daria had taken the subway from Manhattan to queens in order to both get the car and pick up Trent. Jane kept her car at Trents because his building had a parking garage while parking in SoHo is impossible. Also, Jane only ever used the car to travel outside the city, so parking it at the corner of Spring and Mercer was impractical. Daria often wondered why Jane even had a car since she lived in Lower Manhattan, but logic was never Jane's strong suit. As the car pulled into the driveway of 1111 Glen Oaks Drive, Daria took note of her parents cars. Jake had long since upgraded from a Lexus to a Lincoln while Helen now drove a Prius. Daria was amused by the fact that her mother used to drive a big red SUV but now drove a hybrid. It made sense as a vehicle that gets fewer than ten miles per gallon was much more attractive in 1998, when gas was ninety cents a gallon, than in 2013, when $3.00 a gallon was considered cheap.

"Well," said Jane, "Here we are." Looking at her watch, she added "Made good time too."

Daria remarked "You know, Jane, just because you drive a muscle car doesn't mean you have to treat I-95 like it's a race track."

"Cool" said Trent, who in his usual detached fashion did not elaborate any further.

The three of them made their way to the front door. Daria rang the bell and a few seconds later Helen answered.

"Daria, welcome home sweetie."

"Hey, Mom."

Helen had aged well. At 62 she didn't have a single gray hair, though Daria suspected that was because her mother dyed it.

Turning to the Lane's, Helen said "Jane, Trent, welcome."

"Hi, Helen" said Jane.

"Hey, Mrs. M" Trent added.

Once inside the house, Daria asked "Where's Dad?"

As she closed the door behind them, Helen said "In the kitchen."

Both Daria and Jane turned white as sheets.

"Relax," said Helen, "I'm restricting him to serving drinks until Jim arrives."

This was a huge relief to both Daria and Jane as the cooking skills of Jim Carbone were infintely superior to those of Jake Morgendorffer. Also, Jim could stop Jake from doing anything crazy.

"Speaking of Quinn's husband" said Daria, "When are they arriving?"

Helen said "After they pick his mother up from the airport. Also, Quinn says she and Jim have an announcement to make."

Daria had a suspicion as to what this was, since Quinn and Jim had been trying to conceive since the previous summer.

"Who else is coming?" asked Jane.

Helen said "The Ruttheimer's. Chuck's parents are out of town and Stacy's once again on poor speaking terms with her mother."

* * *

**Baltimore/Washington International Airport...**

Gina Sorrenti had just gone through customs after a seven hour flight from Milan to Baltimore. She'd switched back to her maiden name after her divorce. For thirty-six years she'd been married. She'd grown up in a village roughly thirty-minutes drive east of Vicenza, Italy. In her early twenties she'd fallen hard for an American soldier stationed in Vicenza named Tony Carbone. She married him and come to the US with him. The marriage had produced three kids and innumerable headaches. Tony was an abusive psychopath whom she'd only stayed with so long because her deep Catholic beliefs made divorce not even an option to her. She did her best to protect the children from the incessant wrath of their father, but success was limited. Their eldest child, Chris, was an alcoholic since his own divorce was the final straw that broke him. Their youngest, a daughter named Anna, had been estranged ever since falling in with some hippies after high school and harbored an almost fanatical hatred for her father. Her middle child, Jim, was Gina's crowning success. He was a successful YouTuber and happily married. At least one of them had escaped major damage. Tony's conduct at Quinn and Jim's wedding was what caused Gina to finally decide that leaving him would be worth eternal damnation. Tony, of course, retaliated. Over the course of his professional life Tony had made a lot of friends in high places and used these connections to get her stripped of her US citizenship and deported back to Italy. She had to take excommunication and believed she would now burn in Hell when she died, but she didn't care. There was nothing Satan could do that Tony had not already done.

As Gina passed the last checkpoint she saw her son and his beautiful red haired wife. Seeing her approach, Quinn and Jim smiled and waved. Gina and Jim hugged.

"Mom," said Jim, "How are you?"

"I'm good, Jim" she said.

As Gina spoke both Quinn and Jim noted how being back in the old country had made her Italian accent more noticeable as she was once again typically speaking in her native Venetian dialect.

"Gina" said Quinn as she hugged her mother in law, "how was your flight?"

"Molte bene," said Gina, "I'd never flown first class before."

Smiling proudly, Jim said "Getting you an upgrade was easy with my wife's very formidable powers of persuasion."

Gina said "Grazie, Quinn."

Quinn said "Um...I don't know how to say 'you're welcome' in Italian."

"That's okay," said Gina, "After primarily speaking it for 35 years my English is still fluent, and it's prego."

Jim stifled a laugh. Growing up his mother had only used her native tongue during visits from her side of the family or when very upset. When angry, Gina habitually mouthed obcenities in Italian. As such Jim could cuss up a storm in his mother's language, but that was the full extent of his knowledge of the Venetian dialect of Italian. He could also swear in the Neapolitan that his father's side of the family sometimes used, which included such colorful phrases as _stazitt_ (shut up), _managg'_ (dammit), _s'faccim_ (cum stain), _finocch'_ (faggot), _mezzofinocch'_ (pussy), and the mother of them all, _va'fancul_ (go fuck yourself).

* * *

**Morgendorffer house...**

Daria and Jane were seated on the couch talking with Helen.

"..so, in short" said Daria, "my boss is a womanizing cokehead who doesn't take me seriously because I'm a woman."

Remembering what Eric had been like, Helen deadpanned "Welcome to the club, Daria."

All three women laughed. After the laughing, Jane noticed someone missing.

"Where's Trent?"

Helen's face turned pale as a possibility occurred to her.

"Oh, God!"

She made a beeline for the kitchen. Once there, she found Trent watching intently as Jake stirred a pot full of...something. Something that smelled horrendous.

"Jake" she said, "What are you doing?"

Smiling proudly, Jake said "Teaching Trent how to make kitchen sink stew."

Helen gasped in horror.

Jake took a spoonful from the pot. Turning to Trent, he said "Care to do the honors?"

"Cool" said Trent as he took a sip. His eyes went wide. "Whoa! This is pretty good!" He took a large soup ladle from the counter and took a huge scoop, which he drank with gusto.

Beaming, Jake said "He likes it!"

Before Helen could stop him, Jake took a sip with his spoon. Suddenly...

"GACK!...HACK...BLECH..."

Helen rolled her eyes. Jake was once again gagging on one of his creations. As she proceeded to perform the heimlich maneuver on her husband both Daria and Jane entered the kitchen.

"Dad choking on another one of his creations" Daria deadpanned.

Taking another sip, Trent said "I don't know why, this stuff's pretty good."

Daria said "And I don't know why it's not making you wretch, Trent."

"Are you kidding?" Jane asked rhetorically, "Trent and I subsisted on countless things unfit for human consumption when we were kids."

A dry remark was right on the tip of Daria's tongue when the door bell rang.

"Daria" said Helen, "Could you get that while I help your father?"

Daria made her way to the front door. Once there, she opened it to find the Ruttheimer's standing there.

"Hey, Daria" said Stacy Ruttheimer (nee Rowe), who was pushing their one-year old daughter, Q, in a stroller. Her hudband, Chuck (formerly known as Upchuck) was holding the hand of their son, Chucky, who was a week shy of his fourth birthday.

"Why, if it isn't the ever so lovely and...grrr, feisty, Miss Morgendorffer" said Chuck.

Daria was not the least bit put off by the Upchuck relapse as she knew it was just a harmless attempt at humor.

"Hey, guys" said Daria.

Little Chucky sniffed the air. "What's that smell?"

"Dr. Morgendorffer's latest culinary monstrosity" Daria replied with a grin as she let them in and closed the door behind them.

"Your dad can't cook" said Chucky, who'd recently gotten into the habit of pointing out everyone's flaws in a snarky monotone.

Reminded of someone else, Daria said "Stacy, are you sure his father isn't actually Butt-Head?"

"Who?" asked Stacy.

Daria explained "A mentally challenged delinquint I knew back in Texas. He and his best friend, a pyromaniac named Beavis, used to follow me around when they weren't busy making Highland, Texas even more of an insufferable hell than it had been to begin with."

"I've overheard you mentioning them over the years," said Chuck, "From what I could gather they were as dumb as Kevin and Brittany."

"Actually," said Daria, "They made Kevin and Brittany look like Rhodes Scholars by comparison."

Trying not to laugh, Stacy said "You mean that's actually possible."

"Unfortunately, yes" Daria dryly remarked.

* * *

**An hour later...**

Daria, Jane, Helen, Jake, Chuck and Stacy were all catching up in the living room while Trent amused Chucky by playing his own version of kids songs on the acoustic guitat he'd brought with him. As he played, Trent sang the following lyrics...

_I've been working on the railroad_   
_Every pointless day_   
_I've been working on the railroad_   
_While my life gets pissed away_   
_I've been working on the railroad_   
_Taking all their scorn_   
_I've been working on the railroad_   
_Wishing I was never born_

As he finished the song Chucky giggled and clapped.

"Thanks," said Trent, "Wanna hear an original?"

Chucky nodded. Trent proceeded to play a riff that should be familiar to Daria fans.

_You're an angel in black_   
_You sure have a knack_   
_For putting my heart, on a shelf in the back_   
_I'm waiting my turn_   
_Oh, when will I learn_   
_My poor heart, you're giving it freezer burn_

It was at this point that the door bell rang.

"I'll get it" said Helen as she went to answer the front door.

Gina, Jim and Quinn were standing there. Helen was especially happy to see Gina.

"Gina, it's been too long!"

"Helen, how are you?" said Gina as she pulled Helen into a hug and gave her a kiss on each cheek, a customary Italian greeting among close friends and family.

Helen then led them to the couch where everyone else was. They proceeded to great each other.

"Jake, how are you?" said Gina as she hugged and kissed him in the same manner as she had Helen.

Returning the gesture, Jake said "I'm good, Gina. Um...Is this okay?"

Nodding, Jim said "That's how it's done in the old country."

Gina was more reserved with Chuck and Stacy as they were not famiglia.

"Signora and Signor Ruttheimer," she said, "How are you?"

"We're good, Mrs. Carbone" said Chuck.

"Actually," said Gina, "it's Miss Sorrenti now."

As she took a seat, Stacy said "I can't believe Tony had you deported for divorcing him."

Rolling her eyes, Gina said "That disgrazia! My ex-husband always was a vindictive bastardo."

Curious, Stacy asked "What part of Italy are you from, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Not at all," Gina replied with a smile, "I'm from a village called Otonio, in the Veneto region. So was my father, and his father before him, all the way back to Roman times."

Stacy asked "And your mother?"

"Sicily," said Gina, "Her family migrated north during the Allied invasion of Sicily in World War II. They believed Mussolini's propaganda that the Americans and British were bloodthirsty savages. Of course, once in Veneto they realized the real monstri (monsters) were Hitler's Nazis, so my mother joined an underground resistance movement. That was actually how my parents met. My father was a resistance leader."

Nodding, Jim said "I know the story. My grandfather had been a loyal Fascist until they started rounding up Jews and handing them over to the Nazi's. That caused him to secretly switch sides."

Gina added "After the war my mother and her family stayed in Veneto because by then she'd fallen in love with my father and their old home in Sicily had been destroyed in the fighting."

Quinn said "That sounds like a story Nicole told me. Her grandfather on her father's side had been a kamikaze pilot who'd chosen to parachute from his plane rather than crash with it. The Americans captured him and in he spent the rest of the war in a prison camp in California.* Knowing he could never return to Japan with honor he cooperated with his captors. In return he and his wife were given US citizenship after the war."

*( **Author's Note:** During World War II most American run POW camps were on the US mainland in order to make it nearly impossible for any who escaped to return to their side.)

Looking at Stacy's baby, Gina asked "And who's this adorable bambina?"

Smiling proudly, Stacy said "My daughter, Quinn Ruttheimer."

Gina said "You named her after your best friend."

Nodding, Stacy said "Yep. We call her Q in order to avoid any confusion."

Turning to Jim and Quinn, Gina asked "When are you going to give me a grandchild?"

Quinn and Jim exchanged smiles.

"Should we tell them?" Jim asked.

"Let's" said Quinn. Standing up, Quinn said "Everyone, Jim and I have an announcement to make." She paused for dramatic effect. "I'm pregnant."

Instantly forgetting that Quinn's thrity years old and married, Jake angrily stood up and got in Jim's face.

"YOU GOT MY LITTLE GIRL PREGNANT!?!"

Keeping his cool, Jim said "Actually, both the decision and effort were mutual."

"I'LL KILL YOU!!!"

Before her could make good on that threat Helen shouted "JAKE, TWO HEART ATTACKS!"

Jake turned to his wife. "But Jim knocked up our little girl."

Daria remarked "I don't think that label still applies when she's thrity years old and married."

"But, she's too young" Jake protested.

Rolling her eyes, Helen said "Jake, she's the same age I was when I became pregnant with Daria."

"NO, SHE'S NOT!" Jake angrily barked, "YOU WERE..." He suddenly remembered that Helen turned thirty-one while pregnant with Daria, which meant she was roughly the same age that Quinn was now. "...but, we were..." He then remembered that Quinn and Jim had been married almost three years at this point. "...but, we had jobs..." Then he remembered that Quinn and Jim are both self employed internet personalities and actually making more money than he and Helen had at that age, even when one takes inflation into account. "...but..." Jake now struggled to come up with a reason to be upset. "...but..." He finally conceded that he'd seriously over reacted. "...sorry."

As Jake sat down feeling supremely embarrassed, Stacy said "Congratulations!"

Added Chuck "Now I can bring you along for Dad events, Jim."

Looking at Daria, Jane said "Well, it's never a dull moment in your family."

"Unfortunately" Daria remarked in her best deadpan.

* * *

**Later...**

Quinn was on her cell phone.

"...and Dad almost had another heart attack, but he managed to remember that Jim and I are married thrity-somethings before it got to that point."

On the other end of the line, Nicole said "Sounds right. Welcome to the club."

Like Quinn and Jim, Nicole and Jamie had also been trying to conceive since summer. They pulled it off sooner as Nicole had just begun the second trimester of her own pergnancy.

"By the way" said Quinn, "When's yours due?"

"September," said Nicole, "You?"

Quinn said "Either late October or early November."

Nicole said "Well, looks like our kids are gonna be lifelong BFF's after all. At least, they will if you guys decide to move to Glenville."

Quinn rolled her eyes. "Nicole, Jim and I have a life in Lawndale."

Knowing it was useless to argue, Nicole said "I know. It's just, well, we've practically been inseperable since we were eighteen. I guess I miss having you around."

Wanting to get off the subject, Quinn said "Um...I gotta go. Later, Nicole."

"Bye, Quinn."

They both hung up. As Quinn rejoined the others in the living room she wondered why she didn't want to leave Lawndale before remembering exactly why. Stacy, Sandi, Chuck, Tom and her parents were still in Lawndale. Once in the living room Quinn took a seat next to Stacy, who was watching Q sleep.

"Nap time?" asked the red head.

Nodding, Stacy said "Yes." Getting on to the topic of Quinn's pregnancy, she added "When are you due?"

"Either late October or November, based on when I had my first missed period. My gynecologist also recommended an pediatrician for after the baby's born and I asked for a nutritionist as well."

Stacy, who hadn't spoken to a nutritionist during either of her pregnancies, raised an eyebrow.

Knowing what her friend was thinking, Quinn said "I'm not leaving anything to chance. I'm going to eat right all throughout this pregnancy to ensure a healthy baby."

Smirking, Stacy said "That'll go out the window when you start craving sushi and tofu sandwiches."

Quinn scrunched her nose. "Stacy, ewwww!"

After a slight giggle, Stacy said "Well, maybe not that, but something. Mark my words, Quinn, you will crave and when you do God help the suicidal fool who stands in your way."

Helen and Gina, having overheard, both nodded.

"It's true," said Gina, "I craved raw anchovies druing each of my pregnancies."

Added Helen "You may even develop a taste for your father's cooking."

Quinn gasped in shock.

"Look at the bright side" said Stacy, "Nicole's been trying to get you to try sushi for years. Now, maybe, you can finally shut her up about it."

Quinn couldn't help laughing.

Suddenly looking solemn, Gina stood up and walked over to Jim.

"Jim."

"Yeah, Mom."

Gina said "I need to have a word with you in private."

Jim gulped nervously as this usually meant a conversation that he'd rather gouge out his eyeballs than have.

* * *

**The back yard, a short time later...**

Jim and Gina were about to have an uncomfortable conversation.

"Mom, I know what this is about," Jim said, "You know I consider what Dad did unforgiveable. He nearly killed me at my own wedding and got you kicked out of the country."

"I know" said Gina, "but the news that you and Quinn are having a baby has made me think about the one thing that trumps everything else...family."

Jim said "Mom, you know as well as I do what Dad did to this family. He treated you like crap the whole time you were married. Have you forgotten all the times you had to take a hit in order to protect us from his wrath?"

"I haven't forgotten," said Gina, "That's why I finally decided to damn my soul to get away."

Jim said "Think of what he did to all of us. In addition to treating you like a house slave he cheated on you every chance he got. Because of his toxic parenting I suffer periodic bouts of low self-esteem, my brother's an unemployable drunk and my sister wants nothing to do with any of us."

"Never the less" said Gina, "he is your father. Family is a sacred institution. What kind of animale turns their back on their own blood?"

Jim winced as this reminded him that his estrangement from Tony had caused the rest of the family to view him as subhuman. In the minds of most Carbone's if one can't be loyal to blood then one can't be loyal to anything. He braced himself for what he knew would come next.

"Jim" said Gina, "I want you to finally make peace with your father."

Jim felt a like his mother had just asked him to do something abominable.

**To be continued...**


	6. Chapter 6

**Haus Morgendorffer, Lawndale...**

Jake, Helen, Daria, Jane, Quinn and the Ruttheimers (Stacy, Chuck and their kids) were making conversation in the kitchen while Jim was outside with his mother, Gina.

Helen said "You know, Quinn..."

Before she could get another word out they heard the sound of Jim's raised voice coming from the back yard, followed by the sound of Gina yelling.

"Oh, my!" said a worried Helen.

**Meanwhile, in the back yard...**

Jim and his mother were arguing. The source of contention was her insistance that he make peace with his estranged father.

"Mom" Jim angrily said, "He strangled me at his own wedding!"

"Jim" Gina retorted, "He was drunk."

"And I'm sure the courts would've seen it that way" Jim said in a Daria-like deadpan.

Angry, Gina said "Charging family with criminal offenses!? Disgrazia!"

Jim said "I didn't, Mom. I could've charged Dad with attempted murder but I didn't. Isn't that enough!?"

"No" Gina sharpely replied, "Not when it comes to family."

Jim said "Mom, however it is in Italy this is America."

Gina said "Family is the most important thing. It's the only reliable line of defense against a cruel and sinful world. Why do you think it's divinely ordained? Why do you think marriage is a holy sacrement?"

Jim retorted "That didn't stop you from divorcing Dad! You were willing to suffer excommunication and an eternity in Hell to rid yourself of him!"

"Just because I'm willing to damn my own soul," Gina hissed, "Does not mean I wish to see you suffer the same fate."

"Mom, we've had these conversations before," said Jim, "You hint at wanting me to make peace with Dad, I explain why I won't and we leave it at that. Why are you being so insistant this time?"

Gina said "Because nothing's more important than family. How do you think it'll affect the baby to see that it's father and grandfather aren't on speaking terms?"

Jim said "It won't damage the kid as much as having Tony is his or her life would, a fact that I know you're fully aware of, so why don't you tell me the real reason? Why, after being content with the occassional token gesture for three years, are you suddenly dead serious about my father and I making peace?"

"MY SALVATION!" Gina shouted, "I spoke to the priest back home. The excommunication will be lifted on two conditions. One, I remain celebate for the rest of my life. That first one I was doing anyway, so it's no major thing. Two, I get you two to make peace. This is my pennance for divorcing Tony."

Jim remembered something. "Mom, you were excommunicated. You can't make confession."

Gina explained "That's why Father Giuseppe and I had the conversation in his office, not the confessional. It was a matter of advice, not confession."

The Catholic Church's knack for technicalities never ceased to amaze Jim. It was one of the reasons why as an adult religious observance was something he rarely, if ever, did. He took a deep breath to calm himself before speaking.

"Mom, the church insists on a lot of things that make no sense in this world. Placing the sanctity of family above even sound logic is one of those things. There are other religions besides Catholicism, religions that won't insist you live your life in a way that makes absolutely no sense. You aren't going to burn in Hell because Dad and I are estranged and you aren't going to burn even if you move on post-divorce, assuming there even is a Hell to begin with. Mom, I really don't think you're eternally dammned just because you left Dad."

"I believe...no, I KNOW I am" said Gina.

"And I used to believe Santa was the one giving me all of those toys for Christmas," said Jim, "That doesn't make it true. Mom, I'm not making peace with Dad and you're not going to Hell when you die."

"Jim, please..."

"No."

* * *

**Inside, a second later...**

Gina ran in and headed straight for the living room, crying the whole time. As everyone let out a collective gasp of shock Jim entered and closed the sliding glass door behind him. He said nothing as he went straight to the dinning room. Daria peered into the dinning room to see Jim open Jake's liquor cabinet and take out a bottle of Jack Daniels.

"Straight for Dad's booze," said Daria, "Not a good sign."

"Mom," said Quinn, "I'll take care of my husband, you see about Gina."

As Helen went into the living room to talk to Gina, Quinn entered the dinning room to speak with Jim.

"Jim, what's going on?"

Jim sighed as he took a swig of Jack straight from the bottle.

Quinn said "Jim, we could hear you guys yelling outside. Your mother's crying in the living room and you're helping yourself to my father's booze."

"I don't wanna talk about it" Jim replied in a curt tone.

"Too bad," said Quinn as she channeled her inner Helen, "because we're gonna talk about it. Now, are you going to tell me what's going on or do I keep pestering you about it until you do?"

Jim knew his wife wasn't bluffing. After a defeated sigh he said "Mom wants me to make peace with Dad. She didn't take my refusal very well."

At this point Jake entered the dinning room. He'd overheard what Jim said.

"She wants you to make peace with that psycho!?" Jake exclaimed.

Jim took a swig of Jack.

"Yeah, despite the fact that he attacked me at my own wedding."

Jake's voice took on a bitter tone as he said "My Dad didn't even bother coming to my wedding. Said it was because the dog needed it's nails clipped."

"I wish my Dad blew my wedding off," said Jim, "Instead of showing up, getting drunk, making a scene and attacking me at the reception, all because he doesn't like my wife."

"My Dad hated Helen!" Jake said. His voice rose with his anger as he began quoting his father. "'You're with this freedom hating slut, Jake!' 'So, you're a hippie now, just to impress some rich bitch!' 'HOW DARE YOU BRING THAT JOINT SMOKING WHORE INTO MY HOUSE, JAKE!!!!'" Jake paused for a moment before continuing. "Dammit, now I need a drink!"

As Jake got a bottle of gin from the cabinet Quinn let out a defeated sigh. Both her husband and her father were now too busy wallowing in their own self-pity to even notice that she was there.

* * *

**Daria's old room, later...**

Daria and Jane were sitting on Daria's old bed. They'd decided to take a break from all the drama by watching some TV.

On the TV screen were a bride and groom standing at the altar. The background looked like a hospital and the grooms side of the family were all in straight jackets.

"She married the love of her life...in a psych ward! My Insane In-Laws, next on Sick, Sad World!"

As the TV cut to a commercial Quinn entered the room.

"Daria, Jane, can I talk to you guys?"

"Sure" said Daria.

Taking a seat next to them on the bed, Quinn said "Jim's mother wants him to make peace with his father."

"That explains a lot" said Jane.

Added Daria "I take it she didn't like it when he refused."

Quinn nodded. "I tried to talk to him, but that went nowhere."

"What happened?" asked Daria.

"Dad happened," Quinn answered, "He overheard, starting ranting about his own father and now he and Jim are too busy getting drunk to even notice anything else."

"Typical Morgendorffer get together" Daria remarked.

"Better than when Lane's get together," said Jane, "fortunately, that doesn't happen often."

"Damn dysfunctional families" deadpanned Daria.

Quinn explained "I get why Jim doesn't want to. We all saw what happened at the wedding."

"You know," said Jane, "As much as I like to bust on you guys, your family's not so bad. Look at my family, look at Jim's family. My parents were chronic no-shows, Jim's father is a horror show."

Quinn said "I hope Jim doesn't make up with his father." Pointing to her lower abdomen, she added "I don't want that toxic influence on my baby."

"That ship already sailed" said Jane.

Raising an eyebrow, Daria said "What do you mean?"

Jane said "Quinn married Jim, and you guys can't seriously expect me to believe she didn't know what she was getting herself into." She turned her attention to Quinn. "Quinn, you knew full well what Jim's father is like. You had to know what you were taking on when you married Jim."

Quinn said "They're estranged."

"That happened after the wedding," said Daria, "Would it make a difference if they weren't? Quinn, you married Jim, not his family. If he decides to make peace with his father you need to either accept that or leave him. Same if he decides to remain estranged. Besides, it's not like Tony would move in with you guys. Frankly, Quinn, whatever Jim decides you're both making a sacrifice."

Quinn said nothing.

Daria said "Look, Quinn, Jim's already in an impossible situation. Pleasing his mother means letting Tony into his life. Continuing on the current course means losing his mother. If you love him then don't complicate the situation by making him choose between his family and you."

"Daria," said Quinn, "Tony's a psycho."

"Quinn," said Daria, "He's Jim's father. Yes, they're estranged, but his mother, who by all accounts is a decent human being, wants peace. Jim may owe her too much to refuse."

"What about the baby?" asked Quinn.

"Set reasonable boundaries," Jane suggested, "If Tony comes back into your lives make it clear that endangering your child is one line neither you nor Jim will allow to be crossed." Something occurred to Jane at that moment. "Why are we talking as if a reconcilliation between Jim and Tony's already happening?"

Quinn said "Because it's going to happen. Gina did a lot for Jim, and now the bill's due. Jim's not going to welch on this debt, because I won't let him."

Daria and Jane both gave Quinn a curious look.

Quinn explained "Look, this is what his mother wants and, unlike his father, Jim does owe her something. We can work it out so it's not a detriment to our unborn child. Frankly, if Jim's mother wants him to make peace with his father then he owes it to her to at least try. As much as Tony damaged his kids, he would've damaged them even worse if Gina hadn't been there to protect them."

* * *

**Meanwhile, in the dinning room...**

Jim and Jake were still ranting about their respective fathers. They're both a little drunk, but not so bad as to be incoherent.

"Threw me in Buxton Ridge when I was eleven" Jake growled.

Jim said "My Dad did the same thing when I was thirteen. Told me it'd whip me into shape."

"MY DAD SAID THE SAME DAMN THING!" Jake yelled.

Jim seemed to suddenly calm down. "It worked. It was a year of hell, but it worked. I was a fat little butterball when I went to Buxton Ridge, but after a year I was in top shape and I've been in shape ever since."

"I suffered seven years there!" Jake ranted bitterly.

Remembering, Jim said "I only suffered one year of military school. That's how long until Mom's pestering got to the point where Dad yanked me out just to shut her up."

Bitter, Jake said "My mother never protected me from Mad Dog."

Jim said "My Mom shielded me from Tony every time she could. She even took a few smacks to protect me from him."

Now sad, Jake said "I wish my mother did that, but she was too scared of my father to ever stand up to him."

"My Mom constantly stood up to Dad," said Jim, "I don't know if I would've even survived childhood if it weren't for her."

Jake suddenly had an epiphany through the alcohol. "Jim," he said, "You actually had it better than I did."

"You're right," said Jim, "As much as I hate to admit it, you're right. In fact, I think my Dad actually did care about me in his own way. He just didn't know how to show it. All he knew was war and brutality. He joined the Army to escape a home life more toxic than your's and mine combined, he endured heavy combat in Vietnam. In fact, I think he found a family in the Army. He..." It suddenly dawned on Jim. "...he was just doing his best with what he had, which wasn't much. Also, Mom did more for me than I can ever repay."

Jake said nothing but nodded in agreement.

"Jake," said Jim, "I need to know, if he'd lived how would you and Helen have limited the potential damage your father might've done to your girls?"

Jake said "By drawing a line and standing up to him when he crossed it." Suddenly, he remembered something from his own life. "You know, after my father died my mother told me he was actually proud that I stood up to him in defense of Helen. According to her, he said I was a man after all. In fact, she claimed he didn't come to the wedding because he was ashamed. He wasn't ashamed of me, he was ashamed of himself for how he'd always treated me." He let out a sigh. "I never delieved her, but thinking about it now it actually makes sense." After a mirthless laugh, Jake said "I guess Mad Dog had some humanity left in him after all."

Jim said nothing but looked thoughtful.

* * *

**Yorktown, VA, a week later...**

Jim's 2010 Camaro SS was coming up the street towards his childhood home. Inside, Jim was driving while Quinn rode shotgun.

"Are you sure you want me to do this?" Jim asked.

Nodding, Quinn said "Yes. Jim, we've already talked about this. It's been three years, maybe your father's changed in that time. Also, your mother wants this and she's been good to both of us. You owe her too much to refuse. Finally, we make it clear that there are certain lines that your father's not to cross. If he can't accept that then we'll just cut him off again."

"Quinn," said Jim, "I'm surprised that you're actually in favor of reconcilliation."

"I wasn't at first" Quinn admitted, "but then I took some time to think about it. In addition to the other reasons I gave I also remembered that Memorial Day picnic we had all those years ago, the one that both your father and my grandmother ruined. Remember what I said to you the next morning?"

Jim said "Quinn, I was pretty hung over."

Quinn said "You were also upset that your father had ruined things. I told you I love you and that if I ever decided to spend the rest of my life with you I was willing to take everything that came with you, including toxic in laws. Now, it's time for me to make good on that promise."

Jim had to admit that his wife had a point. "Thanks for coming along, Quinn."

At this point he pulled his car into the driveway of the house where he grew up. As he shut off the engine Jim let out a sentimental sigh. As toxic as his father was he had to admit it wasn't all bad growing up a Carbone. There were plenty of good memories to balance out the bad ones. In fact, he was beginning to suspect that being simultaneously subjected to his father's brutality and mother's kindness may have actually balanced him out.

Soon, they were making their way to the front door. Jim nervously rang the doorbell. Soon, the door opened. There was Jim's father, Tony Carbone. Tony's hair had gone completely gray but otherwise he looked the same as he did three years earlier. He was pleasantly surprised to see Jim.

"Jim!?"

"Hey, Dad."

Nothing could've prepared either Jim or Quinn for what happened next. Tony actually hugged Jim.

"God, I missed you, kid!"

Both Jim and Quinn were stunned speechless.

* * *

**The living room, a short time later...**

Tony was sitting with Jim and Quinn. Jim was explaining the reason for the visit.

"...so I figured after three years it was time we try patching things up."

Tony nodded. "Jim, I'm sorry about what happened at the wedding." He then turned to Quinn. "Sorry I called you a cunt."

Quinn just nodded as Tony being nice was going to take a LOT of getting used to.

"Jim" Tony continued, "I'm sorry I attacked you at the reception."

Jim didn't know what to say.

Quinn spoke up. "Tony, I have to ask, what's with the genuine remorse? I didn't even think you were capable of such a thing."

Tony sighed. "It's been a rough three years. Losing everyone left me with some time to reflect on the kind of husband and father I was. Jim, I know you hate me for the way I always treated you. I only did it because that's how you make a boy into a man."

Jim found his voice. "No, Dad, that's how you make a decent person into a total train wreck."

Tony suddenly wanted to rip Jim a new one, but immediately thought better of it. "I really don't see it that way, Jim. I did what I had to to toughen you up, and it actually worked."

Jim and Quinn both gasped in shock as the attempt to justify abuse included a genuine compliment.

"Jim" Tony admitted, "You married a woman I hate, despite my objections. I was angry at you for that until recently. I realized something. When I got on you at Thanksgiving and actually shoved Quinn to the floor you responded by punching me out. You married Quinn despite my brazen attempt to stop you at the last minute and you fought back when I attacked you at the reception. You actually have the balls to attack a Ranger trained ex-Delta Force operator and mercenary, along with the viciousness to actually survive and occassionally win such a fight. Jim, I was wrong, you are a man."

Jim tried to process what was going on. On the one hand, his father was still a toxic psycho. On the other hand, Jim actually has his approval now. It was a lot to take in.

Quinn decided to iron out some of her own issues with Tony. "What I don't get is where this intense hatred of me comes from."

Tony explained "I was angry. Jim had a hot shot career in the world of finance and walked away from that for you. I thought you'd destroyed his future and wanted to make you suffer for it. I'm just a naturally angry son of a bitch."

"Why?" asked Quinn.

"Upbringing," Tony explained, "My parents were the classic high school couple who tied the knot after graduation because he knocked her up on prom night. Mom wanted to be an actress and having a kid straight outta high school put that dream forever outta reach. She took her frustration out on me, never missing an opportunity to show how much she hated me for ruining her life and making Dad go along. They loved the other kids. Hell, they spoiled Vito completely rotten. They always treated me like shit. That's why as soon as I was eighteen I ran off and joined the Army. Each subsequent kid my parents had was treated better than the one before." Seeing the questioning look on Quinn's face, Tony added "I guess Jim never told ya. I'm the oldest of seven. After me is my brother, Gianni, then my sister, Janice, my brother, Bruno, another sister, Ginny, follwed by my youngest sister, Paulina, and finally Vito."

Quinn actually did know about these siblings. In fact, she and Jim regularly visited Ginny at her place in Massachusetts as she was Jim's godmother. It came as no surprise, however, that Tony didn't know that she knew.

"So" said Quinn, "You brutalized your wife and kids because you really don't know any better, do you?"

"Call it what you want," said Tony, "Parenting 101, go wit' what you know, and what I know is making damn sure they fear you. If your kids don't fear you then you aren't doin' your job."

Finally finding his voice, Jim said "That's another thing, Dad. Both Quinn and I are afraid you'll do that to our child if we let you back into our lives."

"Take it easy, pussy-ass" said Tony, "how you deal wit' your kid is your business. If anything, I'm gonna spoil that kid rotten."

"And we're holding you to that" said Quinn, "unless you wanna be estranged for good."

Tony shrugged. "Fair's fair." He then took a deep breath. "Jim, Quinn, youse guys ever repeat what I'm about to say and I'll kick both of your asses into tomorrow. Jim, I accept that you an' me don' see eye-to-eye on most things, but you're still my son an' I love ya."

Jim and Quinn were both stunned.

"I don' hear a thank you" Tony growled. A second later, he softened his tone. "Just kidding. Long as you don't tell nobody I said that it's thanks enough. Don't want people thinking I'm a pussy, after all."

Jim smiled as he knew this was as good as it was gonna get. "Welcome back, Dad."

He and Tony hugged.

Quinn smiled. While she'd have preferred Tony remain out of the picture she's willing to let him back in on probationary status, especially since she could tell that this conversation had healed a lot of old wounds.

* * *

**Lawndale, a few days later...**

Quinn was visiting with Sandi at the house the latter shares with her husband of 10 months, Tom Sloane.

"So" said Sandi, "Jim actually made peace with his father?"

Quinn nodded. "Tony's still a toxic asshole, but he's less of an asshole than I remember. He actually agreed to the conditions Jim and I laid out for letting him back into our lives."

"You think he'll keep to it long term?" Sandi asked.

"If he doesn't" Quinn answered, "then he'll be out of our lives again, for good this time."

Sandi decided to switch to the other major piece of news. "So, now you're pregnant."

Quinn said "Yep. Jim and I are gonna be parents."

"That seems to be going around," Sandi replied, "Stacy's got two kids, Nicole just started her second trimester and now you're pregnant."

Knowing what her friend is thinking, Quinn said "Sandi, it hasn't even been a whole year since you and Tom got married. Don't feel like you have to have kids just because the rest of us are."

Sandi said nothing but looked thoughtful.

* * *

**New York, evening...**

Daria was walking home from work, having just emerged from the Pence Street subway station in SoHo. Now, she was making her way to Jane's place at the corner of Spring Street and Mercer, where she was staying while saving up to get her own place. She's deep in thought.

_I can't believe everyone I know is now married and/or having kids. It seems like yesterday I was a misanthropic sixteen year old in Lawndale, now I'm a thrity-one year old TV writer in New York. I'm the only one not starting a family at this point. I guess it's now the time for us Millennials._

Daria thought of how things went with generations. After World War II there was a massive baby boom. When the products of that baby boom settled down they created a second baby boom in the eighties and nineties that produced the Millennials. Now, in 2013, the Millennials were starting a third baby boom it seemed.

_Except me, that is._

Suddenly, Daria stopped walking as she felt something brush against her leg. Then she heard...

"meow"

She looked to see a small black and white cat nuzzling her ankle. Daria sighed.

"Look, I don't have food. Pester someone else."

As Daria walked the cat, that couldn't have been more than a few months old, followed her. It meowed until Daria finally stopped and turned around.

Looking at the kitten, Daria said "You're a pushy little thing, aren't you."

The kitten looked at Daria with adorable, expectant eyes.

"meow"

Daria sighed as she picked the kitten up.

"Fine! I don't have food, but I know where to get some."

The cat let out another meow before it started purring in Daria's arms.

"Those meows sound like the roar of a certain fire breathing monster from Japanese cinema."

Purring, the kitten settled into Daria's arms.

"Guess I'm starting a family now, too," she said, "On that subject, I think I'll call you...Godzilla."

Daria silently fell in love with this cat as she continued to carry it home.

* * *

**Meanwhile, back in Lawndale...**

In the bedroom of their Crewe Neck house Tom was sitting in bed reading a book while his wife, Sandi, was in the bathroom. His reading was interrupted by the sound of her voice.

"Hey, sexy."

Tom looked up from his book to see Sandi standing before him in a lacy black night gown that was transparent enough for him to easily make out her breasts. His eyes wandered down to find that she wasn't wearing panties.

Smiling, Tom said "Seems like you're up for some sex before calling it a night."

Moving provocatively and licking her lips, Sandi spoke in an erotic tone. "Do you want me?"

Tom put down his book and enjoyed the show his wife was giving him. "Always."

Sandi sensually crawled up from the foot of the bed and over him. Through the sheets she could feel how much this was turning her husband on. Once their faces were level, she licked his lips.

"Take me," Sandi whispered breathlessly, "I want you inside me." She licked him again. "Fuck me."

Tom was pleasantly surprised. "What's the occassion?"

"Just take me and ravage me all night long" Sandi responded.

Sensing there was more to this than just run of the mill horniness, Tom said "Sandi, what's going on?"

Sandi rolled off of Tom. She decided it'd be best to come clean with why she's begging him to ravage her as he'd probably figure it out when the missed period happens.

"Tom," she said, "I want a baby."

Tom's jaw dropped.

"When did you decide this?!"

"Just today" Sandi admitted.

"Sandi" said Tom, "we've only been married for ten months." Something occurred to him. "If you only decided this today that means you're still on the pill."

Sandi said "I was gonna stop taking it tomorrow. I just wanted to get a practice run in tonight."

Tom rolled his eyes. "So, let me get this straight. You were gonna stop taking the pill after today and have sex with me every night. When exactly were you gonna tell me you're trying to get pregnant? When I notice you didn't have a period?"

Sandi sighed as she realized that she hadn't thought this out very well.

"What gave me away?"

Tom said "The big production intended to put me in the mood for sex. Normally, you just straight up tell me that you're horny and, if I'm not in the mood, threaten to break out the vibrator if I don't pounce ASAP. Why the sudden urge to have a kid?"

"Look" Sandi explained, "Quinn told me that she's pregnant today."

Tom said "So, you want a baby just to keep even with your best friend?"

"That's one reason," Sandi admitted, "Also, all of my friends are having kids. Stacy's got two already, Nicole's in her second trimester and now Quinn's pregnant. I was starting to feel left out. Also, I was going to tell you after the first round of sex that I planned for us to be having right now." Sheepish, she added "I figured you'd be more inclined to agree after I rocked your world in bed."

Tom said "So, you're wanting a child because your old competitive instincts kicked in today?"

Nodding, Sandi added "Also, we had this conversation back when we were just dating. We both agreed that we'd like to have children someday."

"I know," said Tom, "I just figured you'd prefer to wait until we'd been married for more than ten months."

"I've changed my mind," she said, "I want to get started on having a kid now."

Tom said "Sandi, I'm okay with that. I just didn't expect it to happen so soon."

"Is there a reason you want to wait longer?"

"Yes," said Tom, "Sandi, a child is a huge responsibility. We both need to be ready. Everything we do is going to revolve around the kid for at least two decades."

Frowning, Sandi said "And you aren't ready to make that sacrifice just yet."

Tom said "I didn't say that. I just wanna be sure you really want this, that it's not just some spur of the moment impulse."

"I do," said Sandi, "I want a child. Yes, my reasons include keeping up with my friends, but I also like children. Even when I was the queen bitch of Lawndale High I had a soft spot for children. It's just another hidden depth of mine."

Tom said "Those hidden depths are why I fell in love with you in the first place and why I'm still in love with you over three years later. I just didn't see this coming. Sandi, are you sure you're ready for this?"

"Yes," Sandi replied, "I know I'll be a better mom than my own mother was. I'll never pressure our child to be like us. I'll never try to squeeze him or her into a box that they'll never fit in just to stroke my own ego. Any and all children we have I'll love unconditionally, and I know you'll do the same."

Tom smiled as he realized that while Sandi hadn't given much thought to the timing she'd clearly taken everything else into consideration. Besides, the sooner they had a son to carry on the Sloane legacy the better as his parents had been on him to get to work making an heir as soon as he and Sandi exchanged I do's. "Okay," said Tom, "Let's do it. Let's have a kid."

Sandi smiled as she kissed her husband on the cheek. After this, she smiled seductively.

"You know, Tom," Sandi said in an erotic tone, "I may not be able to concieve tonight, but I'm still really horny..." She placed her hand somewhere on Tom's anatomy. "...and so are you."

They proceeded to have sex.

**To be continued...**


	7. Chapter 7

**New York City, November 2, 2013...**

Daria sat in her apartment typing on her computer. In the previous few months she'd fully established herself as a New Yorker. She was doing well at her job. The jokes and sketches she wrote for The Evening Show were among it's most popular segments, though it did bother her slightly that she was never credited for any of them. Unlike the male staff writers, Daria's name was never mentioned in the credits. She was just expected to take a paycheck while receiving no recognition. Not helping things was her boss's ongoing drug and alcohol addiction. She quickly discovered that her unofficial duties included getting him out of whatever jam he got himself into while wasted. She stopped typing as she remembered all the times Helen had to do the exact same thing for Eric.

_I guess I turned into my mother after all._

Daria looked around the small one bedroom that she now called home. After rooming with Jane and her husband in SoHo for close to a year Daria had saved enough to get her own place. She now lived in a one bedroom apartment on 49th Street between Tenth and Eleventh Avenue's, in the neighborhood known as Hell's Kitchen. The irony was not at all lost on Daria given the current state of her neighborhood. Originally known as Clinton, the neighborhood acquired the name Hell's Kitchen as for much of it's history it was a run down slum rife with crime and poverty. For much of the 20th Century Hell's Kitchen was known for it's squalor and shady activities, such as drug dealing and prostitution. That changed in the 1990's as Hell's Kitchen benefitted from the city-wide gentrification started by then Mayor Rudy Giuliani and went from being a slum to being a fashionable neighborhood. The neighborhood was now a nice place who's residents were mostly high paid professionals such as herself and upper middle class families.

Daria's cat, Godzilla nuzzled her. She picked the cat up and stroked him in her lap.

"Yes, Godzilla, your wish is my command."

Godzilla responded by purring contentedly. He suddenly scurried off her lap when the phone rang. Daria proceeded to answer.

"Abandon hope, all ye who call here."

"Happy Birthday, sis" said Quinn on the other end of the line.

"Thanks, Quinn."

Quinn said "So, how does it feel to be another year older?"

"Funny thing about that," said Daria, "So far being thirty-two feels no different from being thirty-one." After a brief pause, she added "Or twenty-one, for that matter. Once your old enough to buy booze without a fake ID life seems to run out of milestones." She paused for another split second. "Except the ones you don't wanna reach, like menopause, being old enough to collect social security and dying."

Stifling a laugh, Quinn said "Same old Daria, you...OOOOF!"

"You alright?"

Quinn said "One of the baby's just tried to punch his way out of me...again."

Daria replied "I still can't believe it turned out that you're pregnant with triplets."

"I can't believe I'm due any day now," Quinn replied, "Wouldn't it be weird if I went into labor today?"

"God, I hope not," said Daria, "Although, it would keep the tradition of you stealing my thunder alive if you gave birth on my birthday."

Quinn said "Daria, I haven't hogged your spotlight in years."

"I know," said Daria, "Just a failed attempt at humor. At least you aren't gonna blow out the candles on my cake like on my third birthday."

"I can't believe you remember that" said Quinn with a friendly laugh.

"Kind of hard to forget when Mom and Dad have it on video," Daria remarked, "Along with a ton of other things we both wish never happened."

"Sorry I can't come up and visit" said Quinn, "But, you know, pregnant with triplets and all."

Daria said "Remember when Jim found out you were carrying three babies instead of one?"

"Are you kidding," Quinn remarked, "Jim won't stop bragging about it. He keeps saying how his super sperm gave me three babies in one shot."

"Even though that's not how it works with triplets," said Daria, "It was your fertilized egg that broke up into three people instead of staying as one."

Quinn said "I know, but I figure there's no harm in letting Jim believe something that makes him feel better about himself. You know, you should've heard Tony when he found out they were boys."

"Talking about molding them into soldiers and athletes" Daria jokingly guessed.

"More like singing Jim's praises for being potent enough to put three boys in me with one shot" Quinn explained.

Daria had to admit that reconciliation between Jim and his father had been working out surprisingly well so far. Tony was still a devout believer in toxic masculinity and militarism, but at least now he wasn't being a domineering asshole about it.

Changing the subject, Quinn asked "So, do you have anything special planned?"

Daria said "No, but everyone else does. Jane wants me to come with her to Nicole and Jamie's place out on Long Island. I know they're planning a surprise party."

"Isn't the point of a surprise party for you to not know until the last minute?"

Daria said "You know Jane, she can't keep a secret no matter how hard she tries. Besides, Tom and Sandi coming up and staying with them, despite the presence of a one month old baby and Sandi herself being five months along, was a strong tip off."

"Sorry I can't make it" said Quinn, "But I need to be here when the kids come out."

"I understand" said Daria, "Besides, I'll be down for both Thanksgiving and Christmas. You'll have ample opportunity to make it up to me."

Quinn went silent for a moment.

"Quinn?"

"Sorry, kind of started thinking of Dad's kitchen sink stew. It made me hungry. Damn pregnancy cravings."

"And Dad finally figured out the secret," Daria joked, "Serve while pregnant."

Laughing, Quinn said "Later, sis."

"Bye, Quinn."

* * *

**Meanwhile, out on Long Island...**

Inside the suburban two-story that he and Nicole call home Jamie was setting up for Daria's birthday party. Tom, who was staying over with Sandi, was helping out.

"Thanks for helping, Tom" said Jamie.

Tom, in the process of hanging a banner that read Happy Birthday Daria, said "No trouble at all. You know, you and Nicole didn't have to let us stay here. The Cove's only an hour away."

Jamie said "Nicole insisted."

**Meanwhile, in the kitchen...**

Nicole and a visibly pregnant Sandi were sitting at the table catching up. In Nicole's arms was a one month old baby girl with both East Asian and Northern European features. The baby's name was Rachel White, she was Jamie and Nicole's daughter.

"Rachel's sooo cute" Sandi remarked.

"Thanks" said Nicole. Noting how Sandi's baby bump was much more pronounced than her own had been at six months, Nicole said "I can't believe you aren't due till March. You look like you could burst out at any minute."

"Twins," Sandi proudly explained, "I'm having two kids for the price of one."

"You know the gender yet?" asked Nicole.

"One boy and one girl," said Sandi, "I always wanted both a son and a daughter, now I'm getting my wish in one fell swoop." After a pause, she added "And I'm still even with Quinn."

"No, you aren't," said Nicole, "She's having triplets."

"Identical triplets" Sandi corrected, "While I'm having fraternal twins. Yes, Quinn's fertile enough to have one of her eggs split into three babies, but my husband's potent enough to fertilize two of my eggs."

Nicole decided not to get into a scientific debate as she remembered her own brush with Tom's potency. For those readers who don't know, Tom and Nicole dated for a few months before she met Jamie. The relationship ended when Nicole missed her period. The resulting pregnancy scare revealed just how incompatible she and Tom were as a couple. Fortunately, it turned out to be a false alarm. Nicole wasn't actually pregnant but merely thought she was because she didn't know that her birth control at the time had some side affects, including delayed periods and false positives on pregnancy tests. Once she realized she wasn't pregnant Nicole broke up with Tom because during the whole ordeal he'd managed to drop the ball at every critical juncture.

"Earth to Nicole" said Sandi.

Nicole came out of her self-reflection. "Sorry," she said, "I was just thinking about that time before I met Jamie, when I dated Tom for all of two months. Sepcifically, what ended things with us."

"I remember," said Sandi, "You thought he got you pregnant. I think I was dating Joey Black at the time."

"You were" said Nicole, "and Jamie was finishing up his third deployment in Iraq." Another memory flashed through Nicole's head. "I just remembered how Jamie and I met. He'd just gotten an IRR and was back in Lawndale."

"I remember that," Sandi replied, "We threw a welcome home party for him. You guys couldn't take your eyes off each other. Of course, then Kevin had to get drunk and ruin it."

Nicole remembered that incident. Kevin, after way too many drinks, thought it would be funny to sneak up on Jamie and do a jump scare. The problem was that this set off a war flashback. By the time Jamie realized Kevin wasn't an Iraqi insurgent he'd already managed to break the latter's nose and knock out some teeth.

Remembering, Nicole said "You know, the fact that I still wanted Jamie after seeing him freak out like that is what caused me to think it might be more than just a physical attraction. A month or so later we went on a double date with Quinn and Jim. Things just took off from there."

Nicole remembered how it hadn't been easy. Things seemed perfect for the first year, so much so that by the following summer she and Jamie were living together. That was when the toughest test of their relationship began. Jamie was called back into the Army. After a long talk with her friends Nicole decided that she was willing to stay with him through the year-long separation that was sure to follow. As she and Jamie ironed things out Nicole got a crazy idea. She decided that since she was willing to stay with him through a miliatry deployment then she might as well take the full plunge. A few days later she and Jamie eloped at the courthouse with Helen as a witness. After a brief honeymoon Jamie reported for duty at Fort Jackson, South Carolina while Nicole stayed in Lawndale. She and Jamie were temporarily keeping the fact that they were married a secret, intending to surprise everyone when he got back. It didn't work out that way. While visiting Jane in New York Nicole got the phone call that every Army wife dreads. Jamie's platoon had been ambushed during a routine patrol on the streets of Baghdad. In the resulting firefight Jamie had successfully ensured the survival of most of his teammates at great risk to his own. An enemy sniper shot off Jamie's left leg with a high powered rifle, then an RPG blast put so much shrapenel in his right leg that it had to be amputated. The encounter earned him both a one way ticket back home and the military's highest decoration, the Congressional Medal Of Honor.

The following months were a major trial for them both. Jamie was struggling with PTSD so severe that he even tried to kill himself at one point. No longer having legs, he was confined to a wheelchair until the wounds healed and he could be fitted with prosthetics. Nicole stuck by him through it all, her love for him never once wavering. She got him into therapy and his PTSD got better. The nightmares and flashbacks decreased in both frequency and intensity and eventually stopped altogether. At the same time, he was fitted with prosthetic legs and spent the next several months in physical therapy learning how to walk again. Now, Jamie walked, ran and did everything else one does with their legs so well well on his prosthetics that when he wore long pants one couldn't even tell that he didn't actually have legs anymore. In fact, there had been a few times when people who didn't know Jamie before were shocked to find that his shins were titanium alloy and his thighs were ceramic molds into which the stumps that remained of Jamie's natural thighs fit perfectly into. There were some things he still couldn't do, however. He could no longer drive a car as he can't feel the pedals. He got around this by two means. Sometimes, Nicole drove him around in her car. The other solution was that Jamie's own vehicle was a Kawasaki Ninja ZX motorcycle, which Jim constantly pestered Jamie to let him drive during visits.

Nicole was suddenly brought back to the present by the sound of her watch beeping.

"What's that?" asked Sandi.

Looking at her watch, Nicole said "It's time to feed Rachel."

"You want some privacy?" Sandi asked.

Getting a bottle of formula from a bag on the table, Nicole said "No. I don't breast feed."

Sandi asked "How come?"

"Because I can't" said Nicole. Pointing to her-D's, she explained "One of the things they didn't tell me when I got these upgraded from B's to D's is that getting a boob job destroys the milk ducts, not that it would've made any difference if it did. At that time all I cared about was that the guys stop seeing me as a tomboy and start seeing me as a woman."

Stifling a laugh, Sandi said "I remember when I was that age. All I cared about was being the most attractive and popular girl in school. I still can't believe you got implants at age fifteen."

Nicole made the same comment that she always makes whenever someone brings that up.

"What can I say? It's different in California."

They both laughed.

( **Author's Note:** For those who don't know, Nicole's originally from Encino.)

* * *

**Evening...**

Jane was walking with Daria toward the front door of Nicole and Jamie's house.

"So" said Daria, "A get-together with the White's."

Jane said "Just a quiet dinner at home, no biggie."

Daria knew better, but decided to play along.

"Nice and quiet, just how I like it. Minus the screaming baby, that is."

Jane opened the front door. Daria decided not to make mention that it wasn't locked, another tip off. Once inside...

"SURPRISE!!!!"

Nicole, Jamie, Sandi, Tom, Trent, Jessie, Nick and Max were all there, along with a few people Daria didn't recognize.

"A surprise party. How original."

* * *

**Lawndale, the next morning...**

Jim was in the kitchen cooking breakfast when Quinn, wearing a maternity nightgown, waddled in.

Seeing this, Jim said "Quinn, I thought you were still asleep. I was gonna surprise you with breakfast in bed."

Quinn said "That's sweet, babe. I couldn't sleep. Those babies kept me up all night with their constant kicking. It's been getting so intense that it actually hurts now."

Jim was instantly worried. "Quinn, are you sure you're okay. Frequent kicks that hurt aren't normal."

Quinn waved off her husband's concern. "I'm fine, Jim. Just...AH!"

She suddenly bowled over in pain. It was so intense that Quinn actually had to grab hold of the counter to keep from falling.

Shutting off the stove, a now very worried Jim said "Quinn, you're not fine."

Quinn said "Jim, I'm just...URGH!!!"

She winced in intense pain once again. That's when Jim saw clear liquid flow from between his wife's legs and form a puddle on the floor. Quinn looked up at her husband.

"J-Jim....AH!...Wh..."

"Quinn, I think your water just broke!"

Quinn's eyes went wide.

"GAH!!!!"

* * *

**Cedars Of Lawndale, a few hours later...**

Quinn was in excruciating pain as she lay on a table in the delivery room, her legs being held wide open by stirrups. The doctor was knelt between her open legs, assisted by a team of nurses, while Jim was by her side.

"AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" Quinn screamed.

The doctor said "You're doing great, Mrs. Carbone."

"Hear that, babe," said Jim, "You're doing great!"

Quinn screamed "I'M DYING!!! OH, GOD, I'M DYING!!!!!!!!"

Worried, Jim looked at the doctor.

"Relax, Mr. Carbone," the doctor said, "First time mother's always think they're dying."

Jim breathed another sigh of relief as Quinn pushed again.

"AHHHHHHHH!!!" She then turned to Jim. "I'M GOING TO FUCKING CASTRATE YOU FOR DOING THIS TO ME, GODDAMMIT!!!"

The doctor, upon seeing how much that scared Jim, said "They say that a lot, too."

* * *

**Evening...**

A visibly exhausted and relieved Quinn was sitting in her hospital bed holding three newborn baby boys in her arms. Jim stood next to her, staring at their three sons as if entranced.

"They're so beautiful," said Quinn, "Our sons are the most beautiful things I've ever seen."

Jim stared in speechless amazement at the three new lives he and Quinn had created.

Despite being identical triplets, each baby had a different look in his eyes. One looked so sure of himself that he seemed ready to take on the whole world. The second baby stared in wide eyed amazement at everything, as if he was so excited to see the world outside the womb that he could hardly contain himself. The third baby was completely expressionless, as if he already knew everything and cared about nothing.

At this point, a nurse came in with a clipboard. "Pardon the interruption," she said, "They're typing up the birth certificates as we speak. What names do you want?"

As Jim pointed to the egotistical looking one, Quinn said "Thomas Quentin Carbone."

After the nurse jotted the name down, Jim stopped pointing at Tommy. When the nurse looked up again, Jim pointed to the curious looking one.

"Timothy James Carbone" was the name Quinn gave for the curious one.

After the nurse jotted the second name Jim pointed at the one who looked like he didn't give a damn.

Quinn named the detached one "Theodore Darius Carbone."

And thus were Tommy, Timmy and Teddy born.

* * *

**Hell's Kitchen, New York City, a short time later...**

Daria was once again typing on her computer while Godzilla napped on the desk when the phone rang. Daria answered.

"You've reached the Lowest Circle Of Hell, Lady Satan speaking."

Fighting the urge to laugh, Jim said "Daria, you are now officially an aunt."

Daria replied "So, Quinn did me the courtesy of waiting until after my birthday to have the kids."

Jim said "Theodore Darius Carbone was born today at 4:oo PM, followed by Thomas Quentin Carbone at 4:10 and Timothy James Carbone at 4:15. There were no complications in the birth and all three boys weigh seven pounds, two ounces and are perfectly healthy. Their mother is also in good condition."

"And that sounds very rehearsed" Daria remarked.

Jim explained "Sorry, but it's easier to contain my excitement by writing the info down and just reading it off."

"So" said Daria, "You and Quinn are parents now."

"Yep."

Daria asked "Any particular reason you and Quinn chose those names?"

Jim said "Teddy's first name is after the priest who officiated at our wedding, father Theodore O'Neil. His middle name, Darius, is after you. We named Timmy after your old language arts teacher, Mr. O'Neil, in the interests of fairness since he's Father O'Neil's brother and his middle name, James, is after me. Tommy just seemed to round things out nicely and his middle name, Quentin, is just a more masculine version of his mother's name."

Daria couldn't explain how, but she just knew that Teddy was going to be a male version of her while Tommy would become a male version of his mother and Timmy would confound everyone by developing an identity not the least bit similar to anyone they knew. Realizing this, Daria flashed that famous half-smirk of hers.

**To be continued...**


	8. Chapter 8

**Sandi and Tom's house, Spring, 2014...**

Quinn, Jim, their four month old triplets, Chuck, Stacy and their kids were all gathered with Tom and Sandi in the sitting room. The reason for the get together was that Sandi had just come back from the hospital. As her husband, Tom Sloane, smiled proudly Sandi held a newborn baby in each arm as she'd just given birth to twins, one boy and one girl.

"Oh, Sandi," Stacy squealed with excitement, "You're a mom now."

Nodding, Sandi said "Yes, I most certainly am." She then proceeded to introduce each of her twins. Holding up the boy, she said "Our son, Shane." She then held up the girl. "And this is Alexis."

While everyone else gushed Quinn was a little distracted as she was holding Tommy while pushing Timmy in a stroller. Tommy was getting fussy...again.

"It's okay, Tommy."

Jim, who had Teddy, could've sworn that baby had just shot his brothers a disdainful look. Probably just my imagination. He didn't notice a Daria-like smirk suddenly form on Teddy's face.

Continuing to hold Tommy, Quinn said "I can't believe you had twins while I had triplets, Sandi."

Sandi grinned triumphantly. "Gah-ohd, Kuh-winn, you make it sound like you're the only woman who's ever had more than one kid at a time."

Quinn chose to disregard Sandi's brief relapse into the alpha-bitch that she'd been back in high school. Looking at the twins, she said "Oh, Sandee, your kids are soooo cute!"

Suddenly, Tommy started screaming for attention. Noticing this, Jim thought _If I didn't know better I'd think Tommy's trying to hog the spotlight_. In truth, Daria had recently paid a visit during which she'd pointed out something interesting to Jim. Apparently, Tommy was starting to show personality traits reminiscent of Quinn as a child while Teddy was developing traits similarly reminiscent of Daria. Timmy, on the other hand, just seemed to mimic one of his brothers or the other.

"I can't believe how it's gone since high school," Stacy remarked, "I'm a news reporter, Quinn's a YouTuber and Sandi married into old money."

"Hey" said Tom, slightly put off by the insinuation that his wife married him for his money.

"I didn't mean anything by it," Stacy reassurred him, "I know Sandi would still love you if you worked at Burger World."

"Yes" said Sandi, "But let's not put that to the test."

Everyone laughed at that one.

After the laughter, Chuck said "It's the classic rags-to-riches story. Rich guy falls for stripper, stripper marries rich guy, they live happily ever after."

"Guys, about that," said Sandi, "I really don't want the twins knowing that their mother used to dance naked on stage for a living."

Quinn said "I get that. It's embarrassing."

Five year old Chucky immediately pointed at Sandi. In a snarky monotone, he said "You used to show people your boobs."

Both Chuck and Stacy blushed with embarrassment when he said that.

* * *

**WSBC newsroom, the next day...**

Stacy was pouring herself some coffee from the office urn. Like all media outlets, WSBC kept police scanners in the newsroom in order to catch major stories as they broke. One of those scanners happened to be right by the coffee urn. As Stacy sipped her coffee she listened to the scanner out of habit. This scanner was tuned to the Baltimore Police Frequency. Something suddenly came on that immediately caught her attention.

"Attention, all units! Possible hostage situation at Landon Tower, all available units please respond!"

Stacy spilled her coffee on the floor as she ran to get the nearest camera crew and comandeer a news van.

* * *

**Downtown Baltimore, later...**

Landon Tower was surrounded by armed cops in full riot gear as gunshots could be heard coming from the building. Stacy had been a field reporter long enough to be able to maintain professionalism even with chaos and bloodshed going on right behind her. The camera crew with her were similarly battle tested.

The crew chief said "Live in five...four...three...". He silently counted off two and one, at which point the camera started recording.

Holding her microphone steady, Stacy said "Thank you, Alex. Behind me is Landon Tower in Downtown Baltimore, where a hostage situation is ongoing. A gunman stormed the building and began shooting people at random. Police are on the scene attempting to persuade the attacker to surrender. SWAT are standing by but are not yet making a move as yet. Apparently, after the initial rampage the gunman has barracaded himself on one of the upper floors with several hostages. The shooter's identity and motives are not known at this time. We'll bring more as it develops. Stacy Ruttheimer, WSBC Action News."

As the cameraman cut to the studio Stacy turned to face the building.

"Keep that camera ready," she said, "We may have to go live again at any moment."

No sooner had she said that when gunshots rang out from an upper floor window. One bullet hit an officer in his leg, causing him to fall to the ground.

"Roll camera!" commanded Stacy.

* * *

**Meanwhile, at Tom and Sandi's mansion...**

Sandi had just put her twin babies in their cribs. She was about to take advantage of the opportunity to take a nap herself when she felt her cell phone vibrate. She took the phone out of her pocket. The number was Tom's private office line at Grace, Sloane and Paige. She immediately answered.

"What's up, Tom?"

"Turn on the TV! Put it on WSBC!"

Sandi, spurred by the urgency in her husband's voice, ran into the master bedroom (which was right next to the nursery) and didn as he asked.

"...the ongoing hostage situation at Landon Tower. Correspondent Stacy Ruttheimer is on the scene."

Sandi gasped as the TV cut to Stacy, standing in front of what looked like a war zone.

"Thank you, Alex," said Stacy, "The ongoing situation at Landon Tower continues to escalate, resulting in an officer down with a non-life-threatening gunshot wound. The shooter, we've learned, is Bryan Markel, an employee who was recently let go. So far, he has refused to surrender. Police have refused to enter the building as Markel does have hostages and..."

Suddenly, there was another blast of gunfire. This was followed by a dead body being thrown from the window where the shots were coming from.

"OHMYGOD!" Stacy exclaimed, "It appears Mr. Markel has just executed a hostage!"

Watching this on TV, Sandi gasped with dread.

* * *

**On the scene...**

The gunman briefly stuck his head out the window to make a threatening gesture with his weapon, then pulled back before anyone had a chance to retaliate. Among the cops on the scene was a hostage negotiater who'd just placed the shooter on speaker.

"YOU FUCKING SONS OF BITCHES!!" Mr. Markel shouted from the speaker, "TWENTY YEARS OF MY SWEAT, AND ANDREW LANDON THINKS HE CAN JUST TOSS ME OUT LIKE GODDAMN GARBAGE!!! I'LL SHOW THAT PENNY PINCHING WHITE-WASHED N@#$%&!!!!!!!!!!!"

"What do you want?" the negotiator asked calmly.

Markel said "Andrew Landon...IN A FUCKING BODY BAG!!"

Keeping his cool, the negotiator said "You know we can't give you that."

Over the speaker could be heard the sound of a woman screaming in terror.

"LOOK!" shouted one cop, pointing to the window of the office Markel and his hostages were in.

Stacy looked up and gasped. "Oh...God!"

Markel was holding a young woman at gunpoint. He handed her his phone and demanded that she talk. Everyone listened on the speaker.

"H... _sniff_...hello? M...my name is Holly Wilson. I...I... _choke_..."

Next came Markel's voice.

"TALK OR YOU'LL FUCKING DIE, YOU BITCH!!!!"

"Pu... _sob_...P...Please, d...don't hurt me...."

"TELL THEM!!! TELL THEM WHO YOU ARE OR I'LL FUCKING BLOW YOUR BRAINS OUT!!!"

"I...I'm m...married...I...I have three k...kids...please, j...JUST LET ME GO!!!!!!"

Markel snatched his phone back.

"GIMMIE LANDON, OR I WASTE EVERY MOTHERFUCKER HERE, STARTING WITH MRS. WILSON!!!"

Knowing it wasn't a bluff, the negotiator said "Alright, we'll call Andrew Landon here. Just give us time!"

* * *

**An hour later...**

Stacy was still in front of Landon Tower. She was once again live.

"We've learned that the gunman wants to kill his former employer, Lawndale resident Andrew Landon. Mr. Landon is a well respected member of the business community, known as the man who invented the folding coffee cup. He is the father of tech entrepneur Jodie Landon. According to police, Bryan Markel is a former employee who was recently let go. His rampage is a means of luring Mr. Landon to his own demise, according to what we've heard so far."

Meanwhile, Andrew Landon was with the hostage negotiater. Thanks to plastic surgery and hair dye, he looks no different from when he was last seen in Is It College Yet?.

"Mr. Markel," said the negotiator, "I have Mr. Landon here."

**Inside the building...**

Pointing his high powered assault rifle at the hostages, Markel spoke on his cell phone.

"Good, I wanna see him."

On the other end of the line, Andrew said "I'm here, no one needs to die....What's your name again?"

"YOU CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER MY NAME, YOU FUCKING PRICK!?!"

The next voice to come on the line was that of the police negotiator.

"Mr. Markel, we have binoculars. If Mr. Landon sees your face maybe he will remember you."

This struck Markel as reasonable.

"Alright, I'm coming to the window."

What Markel didn't know was that the police's seeming cooperation had actually been a stalling tactic. A police sniper was at that moment positioned on a nearby rooftop. He'd been given the green light to shoot Markel as soon as he had a clear shot. As Markel stuck his head out the window the police sniper took the shot. Markel never saw it coming. In the blink of an eye he went down with a bullet right between the eyes. Once that was done, the police sniper spoke into the two-way communicator on his SWAT vest.

"Target neutralized. Repeat, hostile threat is neutralized, over."

**On the ground, a short time later...**

As police were escorting the hostages out of the building Stacy spoke to the camera.

"After several hours the standoff has ended with the death of the gunman. The hostages are now being safely evacuated while SWAT teams and the bomb squad comb the building for possible explosives and accomplices, though it appears that Bryan Markel acted alone. Stacy Ruttheimer, WSBC Action News."

* * *

**Ruttheimer house, evening...**

Stacy was in bed with her husband, Chuck, talking about her day.

"That was exciting."

Chuck said "I can't believe you were the first reporter on the scene. Why didn't you let someone else handle it?"

"One," said Stacy, "I was the one who heard it on the police scanner. Two, a story like this is a once in a lifetime opportunity."

"You could've been killed" said Chuck.

Stacy said "Chuck, I'm fine."

Chuck sighed. As much as he loved his wife, he didn't love her willingness to risk life and limb to get a hot story. "Stacy," he said, "You have a husband and two kids. I don't wanna have to tell them that their Mom died on the job."

Stacy said "Chuck, it's sweet that you worry, but I can handle it. I was never in any danger."

"Yes, you were," said Chuck, "I don't want you taking on something that could make me a widower and leave Chucky and Q growing up without a mother. Don't you think it's time to try something less dangerous, like entertainment or community events."

Stacy said "Chuck, I usually do that, but sometimes I like the rush of covering something exciting."

Chuck countered with "Stacy, you have a family at home."

Stacy replied with "So do a lot of police, soldiers, firefighters and EMT's, but that doesn't stop them from putting their lives on the line when duty calls. I'm a reporter, it's my duty to report even if I have to endanger my own physical and emotional well being to do so."

Chuck sighed. "At least promise me you won't take these risks when you don't have to."

Stacy kissed him on the cheek. "You know I don't take unnecessary risks, babe."

* * *

**WSBC newsroom, a few days later...**

Stacy was seated at her desk working on her next story when one of the station interns, a nervous nineteen year old college student, approached her cubicle.

"Mrs. Ruttheimer, Mr. Allen wants to see you in his office right away."

Stacy was suddenly nervous.

**A short time later...**

The sign on the office door read "Edward Allen, News Chief". Inside, Stacy sat in front of the desk of her boss, Ted Allen. Mr. Allen looked and sounded just like Lou Grant from The Mary Tyler Moore Show.

"You wanted to see me, Mr. Allen?"

Nodding, the news chief said "That was some solid reporting during that hostage situation a few days ago. You know, I've been in this business a long time. I remember back when I started, covering race riots back in the late sixties. In all those decades I've never come across a reporter who's the dedicated professional that you are."

Smiling at the praise, Stacy said "Thanks, chief!"

"In fact," Mr. Allen continued, "I think you're ready to take the next step in your journalism career. How'd you like to be an anchor?"

Stacy's jaw fell open.

"Me? Anchor!?"

Nodding, Mr. Allen said "Yep. You're ready. You're a dedicated reporter, you've got screen presence, and you're so good looking that if it didn't violate station policy or the fact that you're happily married I'd actually ask you on a date."

Stacy blushed slightly. She knew he was just trying to be nice, but it still felt good to know that she could still turn heads at thirty-one.

"So," said Stacy, "You want to promote me to anchor?"

Nodding, Mr. Allen said "That's right. You get paid six figures to just be on TV and talk to our viewers while other people do all the hard stuff. In addition to the increased pay there's also the increased time to spend with your family. After all, balancing a journalism career with being a wife and mother is no easy task. Now, you can spend days in the studio and almost always be home in time for dinner."

Stacy thought it over for a second. On one hand, she liked the excitement of being out there in the trenches, searching high and low for any and all facts. On the other hand, being anchor meant no more risking her neck for a good story, no more nights where she doesn't come home because she's still gathering facts, no more missed play dates with the kids, more chances to be intimate with her husband and a six-figure pay check.

"I'm in," she said, "I'm definitely taking this."

"Hold on," said Mr. Allen, "Before you make this final there's something you need to know. The anchor position isn't here as neither Alex or Marie are ready to call it a career just yet. It's at another SBC affiliate."

"Which one?" Stacy asked.

"WSFL, in West Palm Beach, Florida."

Stacy gasped. If she took this job, she'd have to uproot her whole family and move to South Florida.

**To be continued...**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chuck and Stacy's house, evening...**

Chuck and Stacy were sitting on the living room couch. Stacy had just put the kids to bed. Their son, Chucky, was now five while their daughter, Q, was two. With the kids in bed they were having some grown up time. They were talking about their workdays. Chuck was finishing up the play by play...

"...and since Sandi has opted to be a stay-at-home mom I conducted some interviews for a new assistant."

"Shouldn't you already have one?" Stacy asked, "Sandi gave you plenty of advance warning that she didn't intended to return to Feisty after the kids were born."

Chuck admitted "She did, but all applicants so far are so inept that I wouldn't foist them on my worst enemy. Honestly, the job mostly involves answering phone calls, scheduling appointments and calculating earnings statements. How hard is that?"

"That's Lawndale for you," said Stacy, "If it's not fashion or football then no one's interested."

"I thought we lived in Maryland" Chuck dryly remarked, "Not Texas."

Remembering that Quinn's originally from Texas, Stacy said "If Quinn's stories are to be believed the people in Texas are dumb enough to make Kevin Thompson look like a genius."

Stifling a laugh, Chuck said "I can't believe that town she's from included a guy who was actually named Butt-Head."

"Believe it," said Stacy, "Daria told me his mother was a crack whore, which explains a lot given what else we've heard about him from both Daria and Quinn."

Chuck said "I remember hearing Daria joke about that town she's from having uranium in the drinking water. Given what else I've heard over the years I'm beginning to think she might not have been joking after all." After a brief chuckle, Chuck decided to move the conversation back on topic. "So, how was your day?"

"Good news and bad news," Stacy said with a frown, "The good news is I didn't needlessly risk my life for a hot story. The bad news is I was offered a promotion to anchor today."

Raising an eyebrow, Chuck asked "How's that bad news?"

Stacy answered "Because the position's at an affiliate station in Florida. Taking the job would mean moving."

"Where in Florida?" asked Chuck.

"A small city about an hour north of Miami. It's called West Palm Beach."

"The name sounds familiar" said Chuck.

Stacy replied "You're probably thinking of Palm Beach. That place is on a narrow island separated from the mainland by a small lagoon, Lake Worth. West Palm Beach is directly across the lagoon from Palm Beach. It's part of a huge metro area spanning from Jupiter to Homestead that includes both Ft. Lauderdale and Miami." She saw the look on her husbands face. "Journalist," Stacy explained, "Fact finding's a habit that comes with the job."

"So," said Chuck, "You turned down a promotion to a six-figure position because it involves moving to a city that's right next to the favored playground of the wealthiest people on the planet, is close to the party capitol of the East Coast and has a climate where it's basically summer all year long."

Stacy said "Chuck, all of our friends are here in Lawndale."

"Not all of them," Chuck corrected, "Nicole and Jamie live in New York now, along with Daria and Jane. Also, it's easy to keep in touch. I really don't think Quinn, Sandi, Jim and Tom are going to stop being our friends just because of geographical distance. Think of all the good that comes from moving to Florida. In addition to everything else I mentioned we'd also be only a couple hours drive from Orlando, the theme park capitol of the world. That's a huge plus since we have two kids."

Stacy immediately thought of why a move to Florida would be a bigger deal than when Jamie and Nicole moved to Long Island. "Chuck," she said, "New York's only four hours from here and we both know it's at least a sixteen hour drive to South Florida."

Chuck said "Which I doubt anyone would mind making for the occassional visit, especially since we can offer a free alternative to a hotel whenever any of them decide to vacation in Florida."

Stacy looked thoughtful as she considered all of her husband's points.

* * *

**Quinn and Jim's house, the next day...**

Quinn and Stacy were talking over tea in the kitchen while Tommy, Timmy and Teddy, all now five months old, napped in baby rockers on the table. Stacy has just told Quinn about her potential move to Florida. She was surprised by Quinn's response.

"Stacy, I think you should go for it."

"You do!?!"

Nodding, Quinn said "Stacy, this is a huge opportunity for you and your husband's totally on board. This isn't a big deal."

"Quinn," said Stacy, "We wouldn't be able to hang out regularly anymore."

"Stacy," Quinn countered, "Zoom calls, social media and you know Jim and I would have no trouble coming down for the occassional visit. Besides, Nicole lives in New York and we're just as tight with her as we've always been."

Stacy thought it over. "You're really okay with this?"

Nodding, Quinn said "Stacy, you couldn't be my trusted sidekick forever."

Stacy laughed because it was true.

"Whatever you decide" said Quinn, "you have my full support. We've been attached at the hip since we were freshmen in high school. Time for you to go do your own thing. Besides, we'll definitely see each other again. I'm not turning my back on all those years just because we don't live in the same state anymore."

Stacy smiled.

* * *

**WSBC, the next day...**

Stacy marched right into Mr. Allen's office. She had only one thing to say.

"Mr. Allen, I'm in."

The grizzled old news chief smiled. He loved seeing his employees take charge.

* * *

**Summer, 2014...**

A large U-Haul pulled up to Chuck and Stacy's house, which had a For Sale sign out front with the word 'SOLD' taped across it. Inside the U-Haul truck Jim was driving while Jamie rode shotgun.

"You sure you're up to this, Jamie?" Jim asked.

"Of course," Jamie replied, "Why?"

Jim explained why he was nervous. "One, I know your prosthetic legs limit your ability to carry heavy objects. Two, you came down all the way from New York just to help me haul furniture down to Florida."

Shrugging it off, Jamie said "Jim, Nicole wanted to come down and see Stacy off. Also, I managed to help move the furniture when Nicole and I moved."

Remembering, Jim said "I'm surprised you didn't fall out of your prosthetic legs while doing that. What's your secret?"

"You mean besides the way their designed to fit perfectly snug on my stumps," said a grinning Jamie, "I have a few methods of my own for added support. I use safety pins to attach my pants legs to the fake legs and bandage and duct tape to wrap around where the remnants of my natural legs go in. Makes it nearly impossible for the things to come off." After a pause, he added "Though taking the tape and bandages off stings like hell, but I've felt way worse than that."

They both laughed. After all, Jamie knows how it literally feels when one leg gets shot off and the other gets torn apart by jagged pieces of hot metal.

As they exit the truck they see Chuck there to greet them.

"Thanks for doing this, guys," he said.

**A few hours later...**

The house was now completely empty as Jim closed the back of the massive truck. He and Jamie then proceeded to speak with Chuck.

"There" said Jim, "ready to go."

"Thanks," said Chuck, "We'll be down in a few days."

During those few days Stacy was staying with Sandi and Tom while Nicole stayed with Quinn. Chuckie and Q were with their grandparents.

Jamie said "It was nice seeing you again, Chuck."

Chuck said "You're gonna see me again in a few days."

"Still, it was nice to catch up with an old friend."

Shaking each of their hands in turn, Chuck said "Thanks again for doing this, you guys."

"No problem," said Jim, "What's the address?"

Chuck handed Jim the address on a piece of paper. Jim looked at it before putting it in his pocket.

Reaching into his own pocket, Chuck said "And here's the house key the realitor mailed to us. If you lose it go to Sunshine Realty on Forest Hill Boulevard and ask for Louisa Sandoval. She can give you a spare."

"Thanks, man" said Jim as he pocketed the key.

**Later...**

Jim was driving the U-Haul while Jamie rode shotgun.

"How long you think it'll take us to get there?" asked Jamie.

Looking at his watch, Jim said "It's a little past noon. I figure if we push it we can be in South Carolina by evening. Tomorrow, we set out early and probably be in Florida by lunch time. From there it's another four hours to West Palm."

Jamie nodded as Jim continued toward I-95. From there they proceeded down through Virginia and North Carolina before spending the night at a truck stop in South Carolina. The next morning they had some breakfast and were back on the road by 8:00. Around noon they stopped for lunch in Jacksonville before arriving in West Palm Beach around 4:00 PM.

* * *

**West Palm Beach, Fl, afternoon...**

The U-Haul was coming off I-95. It took the ramp from the interstate and traveled eastbound on Belvedere Road. The street was lined with shops, many with a latin vibe as the neighborhood to the south was predominantly Cuban. The truck came to a stop at the second traffic light after I-95.

Looking at the GPS, Jim said "Okay, according to this we take a left at this intersection."

The truck turned left as they passed by a small Greek delicatession at the corner of this street and Belvedere. After that was a sign for the residential neighborhood they were entering. The sign read 'Flamingo Park, Est. 1928'. As they continued up the street a few blocks Jim remarked that while the other side of the main street had been a working class immigrant community this side was clearly a gentrified upper middle class neighborhood. After a few blocks Jim took a right turn.

"Okay, according to the GPS our destination it the second to last house to the right on this block" said Jim.

Soon, Jim brought the truck to a stop at a house. The address matched the one Chuck had given back in Lawndale.

"This is it" said Jamie.

They both exited the U-Haul. Taking a moment to stretch their legs they took note of their surroundings. Jamie noticed the house only had a single car garage and a narrow driveway. "Looks like one of them's gonna have to park their car in the street."

"I guess that's no problem for them," said Jim, "Judging by the look of this neighborhood I don't think there's much crime in the area." The house itself was a Spanish style house with white walls and red tiles on the roof. After looking for a few moments, Jim wiped some sweat off his forehead. "Damn, this heat's bad enough, but the humidity makes it feel like I'm wearing a fur coat in 90 degree weather!"

Jamie said "Even the 120 degree days I suffered in Iraq didn't make me sweat as much as this shit does."

"Desert" said Jim, "huge difference. South Florida's more like a tropical jungle." Turning back toward the truck, he added "Might as well get started."

As Jim used the key Chuck gave him to unlock all the doors Jamie opened the back of the U-Haul.

* * *

**Evening...**

Jim and Jamie had finished setting everything up. Stacy had given explicit instructions on where to set everything, which Jamie and Jim had followed to the letter. Upon entering through the front door was a large room that spanned the width of the house. The right side, adjacent to the kitchen, had been designated as the dinning area while the left side was to be the living room. At the far right was a door that led to the kitchen. In the middle was the entrance to the hallway. Halfway down the hallway on the right was a second hallway that led to the house's back door, with a rear entrance to the kitchen as well. On the left side, directly across from the secondary hallway was a bedroom that Stacy had designated as Chucky's room. Continuing down the main hallway the next door on the left led to a small storage closet. The final door on the right led to a second bedroom that had been designated as Q's room. The hallway ended with a door leading to the bathroom while the final door on the left led to the master bedroom. The master bedroom had a breakfast nook which Stacy had claimed as the home office. Jim had to admit the house was small for a family of four, but this was the house Stacy wanted. Presumably, this was due to the neighborhood being in a school district that included all of Palm Beach, meaning the kids would be interacting with trust fund babies attending a top public school.

Sitting on the sofa, Jamie turned on the TV.

"Cable works."

Jim sat down as they watched TV. Jim noticed that all the local stations broadcasted in English with Spanish subtitles.*

"We're definitely close to Miami" Jim remarked upon seeing this.

*( **Author's Note:** They really do use Spanish subtitles on the local TV stations in South Florida.)

Noting that they'd been given permission to stay at the house, Jamie asked "Where we gonna sleep? I ask because I really don't wanna sleep in someone else's bed, especially one that's used by Stacy and Upchuck."

Jim couldn't help laughing. Due to Chuck's frequent bragging both he and Jamie were well aware that Chuck and Stacy led a very active (and kinky) sex life.

"I'll take the sleeping bag and sleep on the floor, you take the couch."

Jamie waived off Jim's suggestion. "You take the couch, I've been quartered in way worse accomidations than the floor of a house in Florida."

At this point, the doorbell rang. Grabbing his wallet, Jim got up to answer. Standing there was a teenage boy with a latin complexion wearing a uniform that said 'Pizza Mambo' on it and holding a box with a large pie.

"Pizza, senor" said the delivery boy.

Jim asked "How much?"

The kid said "Diecicinco dolores (fifteen dollars)."

Jim got a twenty from his wallet and handed it to the kid.

"Keep the change."

The delivery boy stared questioningly at Jim.

"Que? No me comprende."

Jim was now flabbergasted as he didn't know how to say 'keep the change' in Spanish.

Suddenly laughing, the kid said "Just messing with ya, dude. I speak English."

Jim couldn't help laughing as he took the pizza.

"Good one, dude!"

* * *

**A few days later...**

Chuck and Stacy were now down and ready to settle into their new home.

Shaking hands with Jim and Jamie, Stacy said "Thanks for doing this, you guys."

"No problem" said Jim, "So, Christmas then."

Nodding, Stacy said "Yep. Quinn insisted and far be it for me to object."

Jamie said "Nicole and I will be down for Thanksgiving. Hopefully, it won't be so damn hot then."

Jim said "I've never spent the holidays in a tropical climate before."

"First time for everything" said Chuck.

After a few pleasantries they exchanged goodbyes. Then, Jim and Jamie got in the U-Haul for the long trek back to Lawndale.

* * *

**Chuck and Stacy's new house, evening, one year later...**

Stacy was in the home office paying some bills. Life had been good. She was a hit as the new anchor, and even learned some Spanish so she'd have an easier time conversing with locals who were recent immigrants (no shortage of that in South Florida). Chuck had opened Feisty IT's new headquarters in an office park near the airport and it was a success. Chucky had started school at Palm Beach Elementary, though Stacy thought some of the other parents were elitist snobs. Jamie and Nicole had made good on their promise to come down for Thanksgiving while Quinn and Jim had done the same thing on Christmas. Even Tom and Sandi had been down, more than once. That last one was no surprise as the Sloane's owned a vacation home in Palm Beach. Now, after that first year Stacy could honestly say she felt no regrets over her decision to leave Lawndale.

Her self-reflection was interrupted by the ringing of the phone. Stacy answered.

"Hello?" As she listened a huge smile formed on Stacy's face. "Hi, Mrs. Morgendorffer!" As she listened to what Helen had to say Stacy gasped in shock, but it was a pleasant surprise. "I'd love to show you and your husband around." A brief pause followed as Stacy continued to listen. "Looking forward to it. Bye!"

Stacy hung up and smiled with anticipation.

_Looks like visits from Quinn are about to become a lot more frequent._

**To be continued...**


	11. Chapter 11

**Annapolis, Maryland, July 14, 2015...**

Helen Morgendorffer was mingling with her colleagues at the Maryland Bar Association. The occasion was a party they were throwing for her as today she was turning 65, though a few times she said she was turning 59 before correcting herself. The slip was due to the fact that since turning thirty she'd been in the habit of claiming to be anywhere from a few years to as much as a whole decade younger than her actual age. Once, while talking to her daughter's high school principal, she claimed to be forty-three when she was actually forty-seven at that time. Fortunately, Helen could get away with lying about her age as she, like most women in her family, seemed to physically age at a slower than normal rate since reaching adulthood. When Daria and Quinn were born she was in her early thirties but looked like she hadn't aged a day since she was a college student at Middleton. At forty-seven she could still pass for a thrity-something. Now at age sixty-five she looked like she was in her early fifties, though some of that was due to hair dye and the occasional botox injection. In any event, she was turning sixty-five today and surprisingly okay with that fact.

Helen reflected on her professional life. After she and Jake left the commune in 1973 she'd gone to law school. She wanted to be the kind of lawyer who stood up for the little guy, but it hadn't turned out that way. After law school she took the first job she could find, which was at a law firm in Highland, TX. She spent the next nineteen years working herself nearly to death defending big oil. After almost two decades it was clear that firm wouldn't make her partner no matter how much she broke her back for them. That was why she took a job at another firm in Lawndale, MD. She worked just as hard for these people and eventually did become a partner, though only after threatening them with a gender-discrimination suit. During the six years she was a partner she grew more and more dissatisfied as she came to see just how parasitic the firm was at the highest level. She was so disgusted that when offered a chance to join the state bar association she gladly jumped ship. Now, after five rewarding years of ensuring that lawyers treat people like human beings rather than disposable commodities, she was content. She'd done her part and was now old enough to collect social security.

 _I've managed to actually live my original dream for the last five years_ Helen thought. She frowned as something occurred to her. _I'm sixty-five. The last few years have been rewarding, true, but I have far fewer years in front of me than behind me. Maybe, just maybe, it's time I step back and FINALLY start to enjoy life._

Grinning, Helen immediately tapped a fork on her drink glass.

"ATTENTION, EVERYONE!"

Everyone there gave Helen their undivided attention as she proceeded to make a speech.

"As you all know, today is my birthday. I don't know how many of you know, but I am now sixty-five years old. It's been a whirlwind six and a half decades. I was born into a family that achieved wealth and status as I grew up. I went to college, fell in with the sixties counter culture and met my Jakey. From there Jake and I went to a commune in California. After a year we left the commune so Jake and I could pursue our dreams. We got married and I went to law school with the intention of being a champion of justice. I lost sight of that goal as I spent the next thirty-two years climbing the latter in corporate law. Then, I remembered why I originally pursued a career in law and walked away from a partnership to come here. I've spent the five years since then living the dream I'd had as an idealistic hippie chick."

Helen paused for effect before continuing.

"I've done my part, and the years are moving by quickly. There's more I want to do with my life. I've proven myself as a capable lawyer, I've raised a family and finally got to spend a few years living my original dream. Now, my daughters are fully grown. My eldest is a TV writer in New York while my youngest is happily married with three adorable children and my husband has been retired for six years now. It's time for me to do the things I couldn't while working in law and raising a family. "

Another pause followed, then Helen announced her intentions.

"That is why I would like to take this moment to announce my retirement. I've enjoyed these years, I've achieved my personal goals and gotten close enough in my professional goals to be content. I'm not getting any younger, so I'd like to spend the years I have left just enjoying life. Thank you."

One of her colleagues spoke up.

"I think I speak for all of us when I say that I wish you all the best. May the years still in front of you be the best of your life!"

Everyone else raised their drinks in toast.

"CHEERS!"

Helen smiled.

* * *

**Haus Morgendorffer, the next day...**

Jake and Helen were having breakfast in the kitchen. They could've slept in (especially given the marathon session of celebratory sex they'd had the night before) but Helen discovered that no longer having to get up early for work would take some getting used to.

"So, honey" said Jake, "what do you wanna do now that you no longer have to put your nose to the grindstone."

"Actually" Helen replied, "we need to talk about that. See, while you were still asleep I looked around and realized something. When we moved here we had two teenage daughters. Now it's just the two of us."

Failing to notice the serious tone in his wife's voice, Jake said "I know! Isn't it great!"

Helen said "Jake, this house is too big for just the two of us."

Jake's eyes went wide with realization. "You wanna move! What about the mortgage?"

Slightly irritated, Helen said "Jake, if you'd ever paid attention you'd remember that after I made partner one of the first things I did with the extra income was pay off the mortgage. This house has been completely ours for more than a decade now."

Jake was amazed. "It's been that long since you made partner!? Wow, time really does fly!"

"That's my point," said Helen, "The girls are fully grown and living their own lives now. Daria's doing well in New York. Quinn has a wonderful husband, three adorable kids and a successful YouTube career that has her and Jim doing much better financially than we were at that age even when you take inflation into account."

Jake thought about this and, as usual, misread what his wife was saying.

"You wanna move in with Quinn and Jim?"

Helen rolled her eyes.

"Jake, I didn't say that."

Once again missing the point, Jake said "But Helen, Daria lives in a one bedroom apartment in Hell's Kitchen. She doesn't have room for us."

Keeping her frustration in check, Helen said "Jake, I don't wanna move in with either of the girls. They have their own lives now and I have no wish to impose." She took a second to calm herself further before explaining. "What I want to do is travel. I want us to see the world and do all the things we didn't have time for when we had kids and careers."

Jake said "Helen, we don't have to move in order to do that."

"No," Helen agreed, "But do we really need a big two-story house when we don't plan on spending much time at home?"

Jake thought it over.

"I guess you're right. I have to admit, this place feels empty without a whole family. So, where should we stay between trips."

"Someplace small, in a town we aren't familiar with" said Helen.

Jake said "So, sell the house, leave Lawndale and move into either a small apartment or condo then?"

Nodding, Helen said "Yes. Ideally someplace warm."

Agreeing with that last part, Jake said "I am kind of sick of raking leaves every fall and shoveling snow every winter. Frankly, the only time I like either of those seasons is during Christmas and when the foliage is peaking."

Helen said "And we can visit our girls during those times."

Remembering how they both lived in California when they were younger, Jake said "Alright, we're finally going back to the west coast."

Helen immediately shot down that idea. "Jake, California's not like it was in the seventies. It's a lot more expensive now. In fact, I did some research and discovered it's now the state with the highest cost of living in the country."

Jake said "If not California, then where?"

Helen thought it over out loud.

"Well, I really don't wanna live in the Southwest. Those nineteen years we were stuck in Highland really soured me on the whole region. Most of the Southeast is out due to our low tolerance for ignorance. Although, there are some areas of the south that are more enlightened." That's when it hit her. "The Ruttheimers live in Florida now. Quinn, Jim and the boys spent Christmas there. How would you like to live near Miami?"

Jake thought it over silently before answering.

* * *

**West Palm Beach, FL, a few minutes later...**

Stacy was in her home office reflecting on the year since she and her family had moved down when the phone rang. She answered.

"Hello?"

On the other end of the line, Helen said "Stacy, how are you."

A huge smile formed on Stacy's face. "Hi, Mrs. Morgendorffer!"

Helen said "Stacy, I'll get right to the point. Now that I'm retired my husband and I have decided to move. Since there are now people we know down there we decided to see about moving to your area. I was wondering if we could come down next weekend and you could show us around so we can get a sense of the place."

Pleasantly surprised, Stacy readily agreed. "I'd love to show you and your husband around."

Helen said "Wonderful! How about Jake and I come down next Friday and on Saturday you and Chuck can show us around?"

Smiling, Stacy said "Looking forward to it."

Helen said "Good. Well, I won't disturb you any further tonight. Bye."

" Bye!"

After that, they both hung up.

* * *

**The following Friday evening...**

Jake and Helen were having dinner at the Ruttheimer's. Their own kids had grown noticeably. Chucky was now six and had his father's red hair while Q was now three and a dead ringer for her mother at that age. The sofa in the living room had been folded out into a bed for them.

"You didn't have to do that," said Jake, "We could've just stayed at a hotel."

Stacy immediately waved this off. "Nonsense, Jake. You guys are practically like family to us at this point."

Added Chuck "You're always welcome here."

Chucky, in a snarky monotone, said "My parents consider you family."

Jake, clueless as ever, asked "Aren't you supposed to be on the evening news, Stacy?"

Rolling her eyes, Stacy said "Only the six o'clock news is live. The eleven o'clock news is typically pre-recorded in the afternoon unless there's a major breaking story. Since the station's only a five to ten minute drive from here depending on traffic I'm almost always home by seven most nights. In fact, since becoming an anchor I've had a lot more free time on my hands."

"Wow!" said an amazed Jake as Helen looked embarrassed.

"Mom's around more" Chucky snarked in his usual monotone.

* * *

**The next day...**

Stacy was driving west on Belvedere Road while Helen rode shotgun and Jake sat in the back. Since her car was halfway between a mini-van and an SUV Jake had no complaints. After the exit onto I-95 was a railroad crossing. Immediately following this was a hotel and then a strip mall on the right while on the left was Palm Beach International airprot.

Pointing to the strip mall, Stacy said "That's where FeistyIT's new headquarters is. He also maintains a Feisty location at the tech superstore on Palm Beach Lakes Blvd."

After the airport, Stacy turned left on Military Trail. Roughly a mile later they reached the next major intersection.

"This is Southern Blvd." said Stacy, "It goes all the way out to Lake Okechobee. At the halfway point is a massive drive thru zoo called Lion Country Safari. Chuck and I take the kids there all the time."

Stacy then turned left on Southern and proceeded back east. Once back across I-95 she pointed out a massive city park to the right.

"Dreher Park, another place we constantly take the kids. It has a zoo, athletic fields, nature trails and even a science museum."

Once past the park the surroundings took on a strongly Latin American vibe. Stacy explained the neighborhood.

"This neighborhood's called Congleton. It's mostly recent immigrants who live here, especially Cubans and Nicaraguans, hence the Latin vibe."

A block into the neighborhood was a major shopping center with a Publix.

"Where Chuck and I do most of our shopping. It's a huge chain down here. All the locals swear by Publix."

After the shopping center and adjacent intersection they went over and overpass covering another set of railroad tracks. Two blocks east of that was a bridge across the lagoon separating Palm Beach from West Palm Beach.

"Now, let's see how the top one percent live" Stacy said with a laugh as she drove across the bridge. Once across Southern Blvd. merged with A1A, which is Florida's version of the Pacific Coast Highway. Heading north there was white sand beaches and clear ocean on one side, huge, ornate mansions on the other. Stacy pointed out the first one.

"That place is called Mar-A-Lago. It's Donald Trump's vacation home."

As they continued north Stacy pointed out all the houses that belonged to famous people. She pointed to one that was made of both red bricks and gray cinder block.

"That one belonged to Roxanne Pulitzer."

Later, she pointed out a very inconspicous small house.

"Ann Coulture owns that one."

A few houses after that.

"That mansion belongs to Anna Kournikova."

A few more houses later.

"That's where Estee Lauder spent the last two decades of her life."

Another few houses later.

"John Lennon was in the process of buying that one when he died."

Finally, she came to one that was less than a block from the shopping district.

"That one belongs to the Sloanes. It where Tom and Sandi stay when there in town."

A block later, they're going down a street lined with the highest of high end jewlery stores and fashion boutiques.

"And this is where Sandi drains his bank account when they're in town, Worth Avenue, the Rodeo Drive of the East Coast."

All three of them laughed. They had to admit Palm Beach was basically a carbon copy of Beverly Hills. After Worth Avenue they got back on A1A. Now they were in the central part of the island. Instead of mansions there were hotels and oceanfront condos.

"Wow!" said Jake, "Helen, let's move into one of those!"

Helen sighed while Stacy couldn't help laughing.

"Trust me, you can't afford it. Heck, you'd have to be Bill Gates or Mark Zuckerberg rich to live on this side of the lagoon." After a moment, Stacy added "Or just marry a Sloane, like Sandi did."

The three of them couldn't help laughing at that one. Stacy wasn't even jealous, though she suspected Quinn might be a little jealous of Sandi. While Sandi's twenties had been rough her thirties were like a fairy tale playing out in real life. Sandi was now a rich wife and stay at home mom who doted her kids. Her days as a stripper were behind her, she now spent her ample free time schmoozing at Winged Tree. Sandi had moved from an apartment on Dega Street to a mansion in Crewe Neck. In fact, she had more than one residence now. In addition to the Crewe Neck mansion there was also the vacation house in Palm Beach and, with the recent death of Tom's Great Aunt Mildred, a summer home at the cove on Long Island.

Stacy turned down a wide street called Royal Poincianna Way. The street had large palm trees linning each side. Soon, she turned left on a side street called Whitehall Way. Roughly a mile later they passed by a very fancy school. The sign out front read "Palm Beach Public Elementary School".

"And this is where Chucky goes to school. In fact, that's why I chose our current house. It's in this schools district."

Helen said "I was just thinking of all the ways Daria would lay into you for that if she were here."

Stifling a laugh, Stacy said "Yeah, she is like that. Frankly, though, I liked the idea of my kids attending a public school propped up by the wealth of this island. I want what's best for them and make absolutely no apologies for that."

After the school, Stacy took a right on another main street called Royal Palm Way. They went back across the lagoon into West Palm Beach, where Royal Palm Way becomes Okechobee Blvd. From Okechobee north were high rise buildings.

"This is Downtown West Palm Beach. Believe it or not, we're now less than a mile from the house."

* * *

**Later...**

Stacy, Helen and Jake were walking through City Place, which is the high end shopping district in West Palm Beach.

"An open air mall!" exclaimed an impressed Jake, "Wow! They don't have anything like this in Lawndale!"

Stifling a giggle, Stacy said "Quinn said the exact same thing when I took her Christmas shopping while she, Jim and the boys were down for the Holidays." Looking at her watch, Stacy said "Wanna grab some lunch?"

"I take it you have a place in mind" said Helen.

Nodding, Stacy said "Brewzzi's."

**A short time later...**

Brewzzi's was a combination brew house and Italian Restaurant (where I've eaten many times in RL). Stacy was conversing over lunch with Helen and Jake.

"What do you think so far?"

"It's great!" Jake excitedly said, "It's a perfect place to spend our retirement years. High end shopping districts, living a few minutes from the ocean, and the rich and famous, zoos and parks."

"It's certainly nice," said Helen, "Now, Jake and I just need to find a place to live."

"No problem," Stacy replied, "But before you make a final decision let me show you some more of the area."

Jake and Helen nodded in agreement. While they didn't say so, Stacy could tell they were pretty much sold on moving to South Florida.

**After lunch...**

Stacy was now driving south on US 1 with Helen and Jake. They kept going until they reached a street called Forest Hill Blvd. Stacy turned right on Forest Hill. Just before reaching I-95 was another school, called Forest Hill High.

Pointing it out, Stacy said "This is where the kids will most likely go to high school, unless we move again by then."

Jake and Helen could tell that Stacy was very happy with her new life. They continued west on Forest Hill. Stacy wanted to show them some affordable places to live.

* * *

**Lawndale, the following week...**

Jake and Helen were talking it over.

"Helen" said Jake, "we have to move down there."

Helen agreed. "Definitely. That area has a lot of amenities, it's within commuting distance of Port Of Miami, the largest cruise ship port on the east coast, and it's summer all year long down there. Also, it's only a two hour drive from Orlando so we can take the boys to Disney World whenever Quinn and Jim visit." Helen picked up the phone and dialed a number. "Hello, Lawndale Realty. My name is Helen Morgendorffer, and I'd like to put my house on the market."

**A month later...**

Jim was helping Jake load furniture into a small condo that was part of a senior citizens community called Cresthaven. This was Jake and Helen's new home. After he finished, he turned to Jake.

"There, all set."

Smiling, Jake said "Thanks for helping, Jim."

"No problem, Jake. After all, two strong backs are better than one."

At this point a car pulled up. The car was a brand new white Cadillac Escalade. As the car came to a stop the engine shut off and the doors opened. Quinn emerged from the driver's side while Helen emerged from the passenger side.

"I can't believe Quinn bought herself an Escalade" Jake commented.

"I can," said Jim, "If she has to drive an SUV then it might as well be a Cady."

Helen helped Quinn unload Tommy, Timmy and Teddy. All three of the boys were now a year old. Tommy threw a tantrum that only ended when Helen spoke to him.

"Relax, Tommy, Grandma's here. Aren't you just the most darling little thing!"

Being the center of attention calmed Tommy down. Timmy had been screaming until he saw Tommy calm down. This caused Timmy to calm down as well.

"It's weird," said Quinn, "Timmy seems to constantly do whatever Tommy does. If I didn't know better I'd think Timmy's actively trying to curry favor with his brother."

No one saw Teddy roll his eyes. He seemed to have an awareness that most one year olds lack.

Carrying Tommy, Helen said "So, are we set up?"

"Sure are, Helen" said Jake.

Added Jim "We arrainged the furniture just the way you wanted."

Carrying Timmy in one arm and Teddy in the other, Quinn said "Thanks, babe. Here."

She handed Teddy to Jim. Looking at his son, Jim said "Goo-goo." If he didn't know better, he could've sworn Teddy reacted by rolling his eyes.

Tommy, seeing his father try to entertain Teddy, started acting up again.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

Jim started trying to entertain Tommy while still carrying Teddy, whom no one saw stare daggers at his brother.

Quinn said "You guys sure you don't mind taking the boys for a few days while Jim and I have a romantic time in Miami?"

"Not at all" said Helen.

Jake said "Your mother and I do have some experience with that sort of thing."

Quinn and Jim couldn't help laughing at that one.

His face lighting up, Jake said "I just made a joke, didn't I?"

Smiling, Helen said "You sure did, Jakey. You sure did."

And thus, Jake and Helen began their new lives as South Florida retirees.

**To be continued...**


	12. Chapter 12

**Quinn and Jim's house, January, 2017...**

Quinn and Jim were sitting in the living room. They were watching the news on TV while Tommy, Timmy and Teddy, now three year olds, were palying on the floor. Actually, just Tommy and Timmy were playing. Teddy was actually watching the news alongside his parents. Jim looked over and saw Teddy watch the news with great interest.

"Don't you wanna play with your brothers?" Jim asked the three year old.

Tommy stopped moving a large toy car across the carpet and Timmy stopped scribbling in his coloring book when they heard their father speak.

"Yeah, Timmy," said Tommy, "It's fun!"

Holding up the coloring book, Timmy showed the rainbow he'd just filled in with his crayons to Quinn.

"Mommy, look what I made!"

Looking, Quinn smiled.

"That's great, Timmy!"

Teddy just rolled his eyes. This worried Jim.

"Teddy," said Jim, "What your brother's are doing looks fun."

Teddy was forward in his response.

"Not to me, it isn't!"

Jim didn't know what freaked him out more, Teddy's ability to understand current events or the fact that at age three he talks like a bored teenager.

* * *

**Master bedroom, later that evening...**

As Quinn and Jim prepared to turn in for the night they were talking about their triplet sons.

"Timmy's great with drawing, and Tommy seems to have your love of fast cars" said Quinn.

"Really?" said Jim, eagerly anticipating the day Tommy would be old enough to help Jim in his car videos.

Nodding, Quinn added "You know, he told me he wants to play football one day. That kids a future jock and gearhead."

Jim smiled proudly. "We should encourage them. Maybe, next time we're in New York, we let Timmy sit in on one of Jane's painting sessions. Also, we should probably talk to Kevin about Tommy. Kevin could teach him about football while I teach him about cars."

Quinn proceeded to talk about Teddy. "I'm amazed how smart Teddy is. He watches the news and understands what's going on. He can already read at age three and talking to him is like talking to a miniature adult."

Suddenly nervous, Jim admitted "I'm actually worried about that. I mean being that advanced at three years old. That's not normal."

Quinn rolled her eyes. "No, but it's not something to be worried about either. We've seen all the old home movies my parents kept. Daria was the exact same way at his age."

Realizing that he's probably projecting his own insecurities onto the boys, Jim admitted "Yeah, I guess. Still, aren't you a little freaked that one of our boys is a genius kid?"

Smiling, Quinn said "Freaked? No, I'm proud. Jim, whatever you do, don't react to Teddy as if he's weird. That's the biggest mistake my parents made with Daria, and I'll be damned if I'm going to repeat any of my parents mistakes."

Jim reassured his wife. "Quinn, you're not your parents. You don't neglect us for your career like your mother, nor are you a clueless child trapped in an adult body like your father."

Quinn said "And you aren't the toxic psycho that your father was. As for your mother, I really can't find any fault with her parenting beyond staying with your father as long as she did. Still, she's the reason you turned out all right. She may not have been willing to leave your father, but she did everything short of that to protect all three of you from him."

Jim nodded as it was true. Granted, his sister had been out of contact since 2001 because she resented their father so much and his brother was a pathetic drunk, but Jim had turned out alright. Also, his brother didn't become a pathetic drunk until he was well into adulthood. Chris had only started hitting the bottle around the time of his divorce because that was the straw that finally broke the camels back, but it would have happened a lot sooner if Gina hadn't been such a stablizing influence in her kids lives. The only failure was Anna. All anyone knew about her was that she was alive and well, wherever she was.

Getting back on topic, Jim said "I wonder if there's any way to encourage Teddy to develop his talents like with the other boys."

Quinn admitted "Not yet. When he's school age, though, we should look into special programs for intellectually advanced students."

Jim smiled as this seemed a good idea.

* * *

**The next morning...**

Quinn was in the home office paying some bills when the phone rang. She immediately answered.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Quinn," said a vaguely familiar voice on the other end, "Tori Jerhico, Lawndale Herald."

Quinn's face lit up in recognition.

"Tori! God, it's been such a long time!"

Tori knew it was true. The last time she and Quinn talked was the summer right after they graduated high school.

"I don't know if you know" said Tori, "but I write a column in the Lawndale Herald now."

Quinn said "I know. I've actually read it over the years. So, what's going on?"

Tori got right to the point.

"I'm currently working on an article for the March 3rd Edition. Basically, I track down a bunch of people I went to high school with and get the inside story on what's gone on with their lives since graduation. I've already been in touch with Sandi, since I regularly write about the Sloane's in my column. You and Stacy were both pretty easy to find as well due to you being a famous YouTuber and her being a news anchor. Even though she graduated a year before us I've also been in touch with Brittany Thompson. I still can't believe she got back with Kevin and married him."

Quinn said "Well, there's a story there."

"I know," said Tori, "I already interviewed them for the article and they told me how they got married because he got her pregnant during what was supposed to be one last fling while she was back in town for the summer." After a brief pause Tori continued. "Anyway, I'd like to interview you for the article."

Smiling, Quinn said "Tori, I'd love to."

"Great," said Tori, "When's a good time and place?"

* * *

**Pizza Prince, a few days later...**

Quinn was being interviewed by Tori for the article. Tori seems to have aged well. She's still slim and attractive with blonde hair. Quinn was talking about her marriage.

"...so, after three years we decided it was time to have kids."

Tori asked "How many kids do you have?"

"Three," said Quinn, "All boys. They're triplets."

Tori said "So, you have triplet sons now?"

Nodding, Quinn said "Yes, their names are Tommy, Timmy and Teddy."

Tori decided to ask nothing more about the boys, assuming that there was nothing of note beyond the fact that they're triplets due to their age.

"Anyway," said Tori, "Let's talk about your career. When did you start S'mores 'n' Pores?"

"2009," said Quinn, "My job had just become a casualty of the recession and Jim had recently monetized his car channel. Things just kind of took off from there."

"And your husband is Jim The Car Guy?" asked Tori.

"Yes" Quinn confirmed, "Professionally I only use my first name. Morgendorffer is too hard to pronounce and Jim keeps Carbone out as a way to protect his family's privacy. Also, lots of celebrities are known solely by their first name, like Madonna."

Tori nodded in agreement, knowing that it's a common practice among YouTubers. She then proceeded to her next question.

"I've noticed that your hair looks shorter than in the videos. Did you recently get a haircut?"

"Not recently," said Quinn, "I use extensions. I had my hair down to my waist for a while, but the boys kept playing with it so I decided to just cut it to shoulder length and use extensions while on camera."

* * *

**March, 3, 2017...**

Quinn was in the living room reading the latest edition of The Lawndale Herald, specifically Tori's article.

_Let's see._

First person mentioned was Sandi. Quinn read it.

_Well, it's accurate. Although she didn't mention how Tom's company recently decided to relocate to New York due to ongoing civil unrest in Baltimore._

The next person was Stacy. After reading it...

_Perfect. She's got Stacy pinned down to a T._

Next, she read the one about Kevin and Brittany.

_She didn't mention Brittany's affair or the fact that one of the kids isn't biologically Kevin's. That's probably for the best, though._

Finally, Quinn read the part about her.

_"Quinn has consciously uncoupled from her college sweetheart and dropped her last name (rumor has it once she realized his athletic abilities weren't good enough to cut it professionally she was done). Between caring for her triplet sons, Tommy, Timmy and Teddy, and her hair extensions she's hard at work on her YouTube channel dedicated to dessert and skin care, S'mores 'n' Pores."_

Quinn looked up from the paper with a livid expression on her face.

_No mention of Jim. In fact, it's worded to make it look like I married Trevor straight out of college and had the boys with him. What the hell!?!_

* * *

**The Lawndale Herald, the next day...**

Tori sat behind her desk as a furious Quinn loaded off on her.

"You made me look like a freaking gold digger!"

"Quinn," said Tori, "I needed to keep it short and sweet. That's why I didn't mention your husband."

Quinn said "You mentioned my college sweetheart and the fact that I broke up with him!"

"All true" Tori said in her defense.

Quinn said "You left out the fact that we broke up around graduation."

Tori said "Because I didn't think it was important!"

"You took my life's story completely out of context," Quinn fumed, "You said I dumped Trevor because his athletic skills didn't lead to a professional career."

"I mentioned that it was a rumor," Tori said in her defense, "I never claimed that as fact. In fact, you perpetuated the rumor in your first S'mores 'n' Pores video."

"I was joking," Quinn countered, "Breaking up with him after four years together had nothing to do with his career prospects and everything to do with us drifting apart at that point. The way you worded it makes it look like I married my first serious boyfriend and dumped him because he didn't became a star in the NFL."

"I never said that," Tori protested.

"Well, you damn sure implied it," Quinn fired back, "Now people are gonna think I'm a divorced gold digger!"

"Quinn," said Tori, "It's a minor human interest piece in a gossip column. You should be happy for the free exposure."

"HAPPY!?" Quinn exclaimed, "You're lucky I'm not suing you for libel!"

"You don't have a case and you know it!" Tori barked, "I never claimed you were a divorced gold digger, I didn't say who the father of your kids is nor did I explicitly claim you and your college sweetheart were ever married. All I did was omit information that I felt was inconsequential, which is not sufficient grounds for a libel suit. Frankly, if you sue me for libel then I can counter sue for defamation."

Quinn let out a frustrated sigh. Being the daughter of a lawyer, she knew she had weak grounds for a libel suit.

"Dammit, Tori, I may not be able to sue but I'm still gonna have to do damage control because of what you wrote" said Quinn.

"Do what you have to do," said Tori, "but I accept no responsibility for your predicament. If you wanted me to give more details then you should've said so during the interview."

Quinn said "I didn't say so because I naturally assumed that was a given."

"And I didn't mention your marriage," said Tori, "Because there's nothing newsworthy there. You'll also notice that I made no mention of Stacy being married to Upchuck either, and that's way more of an attention grabber than you being married to an everyman."

Quinn frowned as Tori had a point. Chuck hadn't been mentioned in the article either and as far as she knew Stacy was totally okay with that.

Sensing that she's won the argument, Tori said "If you're so insistant on accuracy, maybe I should also mention that Kevin and Brittany's youngest is the product of an extra-marital affair and Kevin's too dumb to notice despite that child being black while both he and Brittany are white."

Quinn said "Tori, choosing not to out Brittany as an adultress is NOT the same thing as making me look like a gold digging bitch."

"Is it really?" Tori asked rhetorically, "Think about the consequences if I'd mentioned Brittany's ongoing affair with her personal trainer and the fact that he's Kevin Junior's real father. You have to admit that the consequences of people who don't actually know you thinking that you're a gold digger are very minor by comparison. Besides, it's an article in the gossip column of a local newspaper. It's not like the piece is in Entertainment Weekly."

Quinn let out a defeated sigh. She had to admit that Tori had a point.

* * *

**Hell's Kitchen, that evening...**

Daria was at her computer when the phone rang. She immediately answered.

"Hello?"

On the other end of the line, Quinn said "Daria, have you read that article Tori Jerhico wrote?"

**A lengthy explanation later..**

"Well," said Daria, "I could understand being this upset if that were in a national publication, but this was in the gossip column of a small local newspaper. Most of the people who read it know that you aren't a gold digger."

Quinn said "Tori pretty much said the same thing when I confronted her about it. I'm still pissed."

"Quinn" said Daria, "I get it, but I really don't see any harm. Yes, the wording implys that you married your college sweetheart because you thought he'd go pro and divorced him when that didn't happen, but I really don't think it'll cause you harm. You and Jim have been on each other's channels, so your viewers know that you're not divorced. Also, I seem to recall you starting the rumors as a joke."

Quinn said "I've become a lot more protective of my image since then."

"Again, Quinn" said Daria, "it's a gossip column in a local paper, not a national publication. Frankly, you're overreacting. Even if this makes people think you're a gold digger I imagine, given the Harold's limited readership compared to the followers on your instagram, it'll blow over pretty quickly."

Quinn had to admit that Daria had a point.

"You think I should just let this go."

"Yes," said Daria, "She made me look like a crazy cat lady, but I'm not holding a grudge over it. It'd be one thing if Tori had outright lied, but all she did was omit information. Frankly, what she wrote makes the story more interesting."

Quinn conceded the point.

"I really am making a big deal about nothing, aren't I?"

Daria said "You wouldn't be you if you didn't. Quinn, this is nothing."

"You're right," said Quinn, "thanks, sis."

* * *

**A few days later...**

Quinn opened an issue of EW. What she saw made her eyes go wide. Tori's article was reprinted word for word in the magazine. Quinn's reaction was heard by all of Lawndale.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

**To be continued...**


	13. Chapter 13

**Warning:** This chapter is about racism in contemporary society. As such, some moments may be uncomfortable to read.

**Spring, 2017...**

In the Crewe Neck mansion she shares with her husband, Tom, Sandi Sloane (nee Griffin) was reading a fashion magazine while her two children played on the floor. The twins were now three years old. The boy, Shane, looked like a genderbent version of his mother while the girl, Alexis (whom everyone called Lexi for short), was a dead ringer for Tom's sister, Elsie. Sandi was elated when she'd first heard she was carrying twins. Tom had not been surprised as twins were a fairly common occurance on his side of the family. His father, Angier, had a twin sister. Tom and Elsie were also twins, so it came as no surprise that he'd impregnated Sandi with twins as well. Actually, he knew that fraternal twins were the result of the mother producing two eggs instead of one (identical twins and triplets are the result of one fertilized egg splitting into two and three fetus's respectively) and the fact that it happened so often in his family was nothing more than an errie coincidence. In any event, Sandi was trying to read the fashion magazine when...

"MOMMY!"

Sandi looked up from her magazine to see that Shane was playing keep away with his twin sister's baby doll.

"Shane, you give that back right now!" Sandi barked.

"NO, I WANT IT!" Shane protested.

Raising a hand, Sandi asked "Do you want it badly enough to get smacked? Because that's what'll happen if you don't give it back now!"

Believing her, Shane immediately handed the doll back to Lexi.

With a self-satisfied grin, Sandi returned to her magazine. In truth, she would've just forcefully taken the doll from Shane if he didn't comply. She didn't believe in corporal punishment but had found making the threat an effective means of ensuring proper behavior. She just hoped she could come up with another method before the kids were old enough to figure out that her threats to smack them are just a bluff.

Reading the magazine, Sandi rolled her eyes.

_Like I would ever wear THAT!_

Putting the magazine down, she turned on the TV and started channel surfing. She didn't have to do anything for the next few hours as servants did all of the housework. As she looked for something interesting to watch something occurred to her.

_Daytime TV's sooo lame. Now I know why housewives in the fifties liked to trip out on Valium._

As she continued to scroll through the limitless selection of channels Sandi's mind wandered. She thought of how Lawndale had changed over the previous decade. Property values had peaked in 2006 only to collapse over the next two years, like in the rest of the country at that time. Unfortunately, Lawndale never fully recovered. The end of the recession after 2009 did not cause things to get better, they just stopped getting worse. This caused Lawndale to experience a slow but sure demographic shift in the years since then. Lawndale was becoming more diverse, which didn't bother Sandi but the other trends did. Newcomers were also less educated and less affluent, which led to further deterioration as more upper middle class people left and more riff-raff moved in. This was especially apparent in Crewe Neck as the neighborhood was now longer gated (the residents were increasingly unable to pay for that luxury).

Sandi stopped surfing as something caught her attention. That something was a morning news broadcast.

"Looting and violence erupted in Baltimore last night. Police attempted to quell the disturbance with tear gas and several looters were arrested. The violence occured in areas that are predominantly African American."

Rolling her eyes, Sandi thought _That is NOT how you improve your lot in life, you lazy n@#$% &s!_

Sandi didn't believe that she was a racist, but seeing how minorities reacted to the election of Donald Trump, who she voted for despite her reservations, made her blood boil. She was not yet willing to acknowledge that marrying into the top one percent had not only re-awakened her old snobbery but also a dormant racism that she wasn't even aware she had.

_Why can't they be more like Mack and Jodie? They didn't riot in the streets and accuse us of being racist. In fact, blacks seem to increasingly have it in for whites. THAT'S more racist than anything we've done in the last fifty years._

Sandi truly believed there was nothing racist at all about those thoughts. Suddenly, the doorbell rang. Getting up to answer, Sandi had the following thought.

_I can't believe we gave Ramon the day off, just because today's his daughter's quincinera._

After this thought, which she didn't think was racist, Sandi had reached the door and opened it.

"Yes" she politely said to the young couple at the door. They were black, wore clothes from Urban Outfitterz, and both had their hair styled in corn rows. The woman had fake nails, way too much makeup and when she spoke her accent was one best described as 'ghetto'.

The woman said "Yo, I'm Tamika Johnson and this is my husband, Jerome. We juz' moved in next doo'."

Jerome said "Wuzzup, shawty?"

While she hid it, Sandi couldn't help being put off by the fact that her newest neighbors were walking black stereotypes.

* * *

**Meanwhile, at the offices of Grace, Sloane and Paige...**

Tom was seated in front of the desk in his father's office suite while Angier was sitting behind the desk. Tom had been spending most of his working hours in the presence of his father in the last few years. This was because Angier, now 64, was preparing to retire and was grooming Tom as his successor. To that end, Tom was finding himself increasingly the public face of the company while Angier took less and less of a hand in things.

"Thomas" said Angier, "You've been watching the news these last few months I take it."

Nodding, Tom said "Yes".

Angier said "Here's the thing, Thomas. Racial tensions here in Baltimore have been rapidly increasing, to the point where I now longer think it's safe for us to maintain our headquarters here in downtown Baltimore. That is why I've decided to close up shop and move the headquarters to our New York office. The added benefit is that the New York office is within walking distance of the stock exchange, which allows everyone more time with their families."

"With all due respect, Dad," said Tom, "I don't agree with your reasons for moving our headquarters to New York."

"I know," said Angier, "You once almost married a Jap because you got her pregnant. The fact is, though, that it'd be easier to run a brokerage firm from New York than from Maryland."

Tom had to admit his father had a point there, even if his father's other motives for making the move made him uncomfortable.

"I see. Dad, I agree with the decision to move to New York, even if I don't necessarily agree with the reasoning."

In truth, Tom did agree with the reasoning but was unwilling to admit it, even to himself.

Angier said "Tom, as you know, merging offices means merging personnel. Naturally, we need to get rid of any staff who'd duplicate tasks. Since you're taking over next year I leave the decision of who stays and who goes up to you."

Tom nodded, though he had mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, he hated firing people. On the other, he knew that if they kept everyone then the New York office would be over-staffed.

* * *

**Tom and Sandi's house, evening...**

Tom, Sandi and the kids were eating dinner. As the twins ate the adults had a conversation about their days. Tom was in the process of telling Sandi about his day.

"...so I have to decide who stays and who goes."

"Relax, bae," said Sandi, "I know you'll choose wisely."

Comforted by his wife's words, Tom asked "So, how was your day?"

"Pretty typical. I watched the kids until noon, then we went to the country club because we need to review membership applications. A lot of asians are applying this year. Most of them I'd have no problem admitting, but you know how the board feels about letting minorities in."

Tom nodded, remembering how much arm twisting his parents had to do to get the Landon's admitted to Wing Tree.

Sandi said "I also met our newest neighbors."

"What are they like?" asked Tom.

"they're black" Sandi answered.

"Interesting" Tom replied.

Sandi said "It wouldn't be an issue if they were like Mack MacKenzie or the Landons, but these people are actually transplants from the ghetto. You know what that does to property values. In fact, when I got home from the club I saw Mr. Anderson putting up a For Sale sign in front of his house. I asked him why and he told me that it was bad enought when poor people started moving into the neighborhood, but now that blacks were coming in it was time to get out."

Tom said "That explains the For Sale sign I saw going up in front of Steve Taylor's house on my way home. I guess the flight's in full swing."

Sandi said "That's different. We're gonna leave because your job's moving to New York, not because we've got a more diverse neighborhood."

Neither of them wanted to admit that the growing diversity was exactly why both they and the business were leaving the area.

* * *

**Carbone house, a few days later...**

Sandi and Quinn were chatting in the kitchen while their kids played in the living room. Neither woman was willing to admit it, but things had been somewhat tense between them lately. This was due to the fact that marrying into an old money family had caused a partial return of Sandi's old haughtiness.

"...so it seems Tom and I are moving to New York" Sandi finished.

Quinn thought _that's sooo racist_. Out loud, she said "That's nice. You and Nicole could catch up...if you wanted."

Sensing the undertone, Sandi asked "What do you mean by that, Kuh-winn?"

"Nothing, Sandi. It's just a statement."

Sandi said "Kuh-winn, I'm still in touch with Nicole, just like you."

"I know that, Sandi," Quinn said in a passively defensive tone, "I didn't mean to imply any different."

Sandi gave Quinn the stare she used to give whenever she was in bitch mode back during their Fashion Club days.

"Quinn, you can't seriously think Tom and I are leaving just because our newest neighbors are black."

Quinn said "Oh, Sandee, I know you aren't a racist and I never meant to imply that you ignore Nicole because she's asian."

Sandi said "Kuh-winn, Tiffany's asian and I didn't have a problem with her."

Quinn said "Sandi, I know you're not prejudiced against asians...or blacks."

Sandi could tell by Quinn's hesitation to mention black people was a subtle way of accusing her of being racist. "Quinn," she said, "I don't judge people by skin color, and I'm highly offended by your insinuation otherwise. I admit that my new neighbors are pretty ghetto, but that doesn't mean I have a problem with them being black."

Teddy, having overheard, rolled his eyes as he tried to ignore the hijinks of his brothers and Sandi's kids. Even at age three, Teddy could pick up on subtleties that could fly over the heads of even an adult. The fact that he didn't want to get involved was what stopped him from calling Sandi out on her passive racism.

* * *

**Evening...**

Quinn, Jim and the triplets were eating dinner in the kitchen. Quinn was explaining her awkward conversation with Sandi.

"...I thought I was being civil and she accused me of calling her a racist. It got so heated that by the time you got back from making that test-drive video she'd already left in a huff."

Teddy, sounding way older than his three years, said "Well, she doesn't wanna acknowledge that she's a racist."

"What's a racemiss?" asked Tommy.

"Racist," Quinn corrected, "It's a person who doesn't like people because they look different."

Tommy accepted this simple explanation and resumed eating.

Jim said "I have to admit, I'm a little surprised that Sandi has a problem with the _molignon_."

"Jim!" Quinn said in shock.

Not understanding his wife's reaction, Jim asked "What? I'm just surprised that Tom and Sandi have something against black people."

Quinn said "Jim, you didn't say black people, you used a racial slur."

"No I didn't" Jim replied defensively.

"Yes, you did," Quinn retorted, "You said a word that I know is used by Italian-Americans as a slur for black people."

Jim honestly didn't realize that he'd done that.

"Quinn, I said black people. I didn't use a slur."

Quinn decided not to press the issue.

Jim went on to say "You want racist, look at my father. Remember how he reacted to Trump's inaguration. 'Finally, we're rid of that n@#$%&' he said. 'Thank god we no longer have a darkey running the country' he said. If I used a racial slur just now it was a minor one used entirely by accident and I didn't mean anything by it."

Teddy thought Actually, it's evidence that you're subconsciously racist, but said nothing.

"Daddy," said Timmy, "What's a n%$&#@?"

In a stern tone, Jim said "An ugly word Grandpa Tony likes to say, and I don't ever wanna hear any of you say it again!"

Teddy rolled his eyes at the hypocrisy.

* * *

**Lawndale High, the next day...**

In the gym Brittany, now the cheerleading coach, was waiting for the whole squad to show up for practice. One by one, they assembled. Brittany, despite being pretty dense, couldn't help noticing how the racial makeup of the squad had changed over the years. When she was head cheerleader the entire squad was white. When she came back as a coach that was still the case. Then came a season where the squad included one black girl, which didn't mean anything to Brittany. The following year, two Latin American girls joined the squad. Brittany thought nothing of it. The season after that a few more black girls joined, along with some asians, and Brittany didn't even notice. Now, however, the squad was half black. The other half were a mix of other races. In fact, this year the only white girl on the squad was the head cheerleader, Lauren, a big breasted brunette who reminded Brittany of herself at that age. This made Brittany very uncomfortable.

 _I'm not racist_ she silently told herself, _If I were racist I wouldn't have a black lover on the side_. In truth, she just didn't want to admit that the current racial makeup of both the squad and the student body in general exceeded her tolerance threshold.

Once the squad assembled, Brittany got out a boom box.

"Okay, girls," she said, "We need a new dance routine for the pep rally. Here's the song we're gonna use."

Brittany pressed play on the boom box. The song blasting from the speakers was "Milkshake" by Kelis.

The squad, knowing this song was chosen because half of them are black, all rolled their eyes. Brittany, meanwhile, thought she was being nice by choosing a song on that basis.

"Isn't this great!?"

Lauren said "Mrs. Thompson, you don't have to choose a hip-hop tune just because we have African Americans on the squad."

"Yeah," added one of the black girls, "I'm not sure a song like that is a good fit for a high school pep rally."

The reasoning flew completely over Brittany's head as she said "Less talking, more bumping and grinding."

Everyone rolled their eyes, but did as they were told.

* * *

**Meanwhile, at Sandi and Tom's house...**

Sandi and the kids had just come home from an excursion to the mall. While she held Shane and Lexi's hands the butler, Ramon, was carrying the huge wardrobe of new clothes.

"Mrs. Sloane," said Ramon, "I could use some help with these."

Knowing Ramon doesn't expect her to do it, Sandi called out "CONSUELA!"

At this point the maid, a middle aged Mexican woman with glasses, emerged from the kitchen.

"Consuela," said Sandi, "Be a dear and help Ramon carry the clothes to my closet."

"No, no," said Consuela, "I clean kitchen now."

Sandi said "You can get back to cleaning the kitchen after you help Ramon."

"No, no, I clean kitchen."

"No," said an increasingly irritated Sandi, "You help Ramon put up the clothes I just bought."

"No, no, I clean."

"Do you want me to fire you?" Sandi asked as she rapidly lost her patience.

"No, no, I stay."

"Then help Ramon carry my new clothes!"

"No, no, I clean."

Sandi lost it.

"DAMMIT, CONSUELA! EITHER YOU DO AS I SAY OR I'LL CALL IMMIGRATION, YOU DAMN S@#$&!"

"No, no, I legal."

Sandi threw up her hands in frustration.

"UGH!"

With that, she walked away in a huff. Rapidly calming down, something suddenly occured to Sandi.

_Ohmygod! I just called Consuela a s &%!@ and accused her of being an illegal alien!_

* * *

**Quinn and Jim's house, later...**

Quinn was in the kitchen putting the finishing touches on a tiramisu she'd made while a tripod mounted camcorder recorded everything.

"Annnd...Viola!" she said to the camera, "We now have the perfect tiramisu. Just don't forget to put in an hour at the gym so you won't get fat. However, if you ignore this advice my next video is a tutorial on how to look good at any weight guest starring Melanie from the channel Big But Beautiful. Don't forget to like and subscribe. S'mores 'n' Pores, cooking good and looking good. Bye!"

With that, Quinn shut off the camera. Suddenly, to door bell rang. Quinn went to the front door. It was Sandi.

"Quinn," said Sandi, "We need to talk."

**The living room, a short time later...**

Quinn and Sandi were sitting on the couch and talking.

"You were right, Quinn," admitted a shamefaced Sandi, "I am a racist."

"I didn't say you were" Quinn replied.

Sandi said "But I know you were thinking it, and you were right. Quinn, today I got so mad at the maid that I called her a sp...something racially insensitive and accused her of being an illegal alien."

"And that reminded you of our conversation the other day" Quinn correctly guessed.

Nodding, Sandi admitted "The truth is that my new neighbors do make me uncomfortable. Even if Tom's job wasn't relocating to New York I'd still consider moving because black people make me uncomfortable if not sufficiently white-washed. I...I just didn't want to admit it."

Quinn reassured her friend.

"Sandi, it's okay." After a brief pause, Quinn elaborated. "Well, actually, it's not, but it doesn't make you a bad person overall. We all have prejudices. Remember high school. We hated anyone who wasn't attractive and popular."

"That's different," said Sandi, "Not liking people because they dress a certain way and don't look like the airbrushed models in magazines isn't the same thing as racism."

"Yes, it is," said Quinn, "We were judging people based on superficial criteria, just like someone who looks down on people of a different skin color. Just like a racist ostracizes minorities we ostracized people who didn't look like us when we were in the Fashion Club. You remember how we got over that?"

Sandi said "You developed a crush on a history geek while I had to suffer being shut out by family because I happen to be sexually attracted to both men and women."

"Yes," said Quinn, "but in the process we both learned not to make snap judgments about people just because they're not exactly like us. You just need to apply that to your interactions with people from other races."

"Quinn," said Sandi, "I can't help feeling uncomfortable around people who are too different."

Quinn said "You can give them a chance despite feeling uncomfortable. Look, I may sound like a total geek right now, but look at the history of racism in this country. One of the reasons things are so tense right now is we wanna pretend racism's a thing of the past. We insist people not harbor prejudice at all, but that's not how the mind works. Positive change isn't even possible if we won't even acknowledge that there's a problem in the first place. What we need to do is learn to ignore our own bias and not judge each other until we know each other. That's easy. I've done it, you've done it. Next time you feel uncomfortable around someone just ask yourself if it's because of how that person is acting or because they don't look like you, and give them a chance despite these misgivings."

Sandi thought it over and quickly realized that Quinn's right. Smiling, she said "Thanks, Quinn."

* * *

**A few weeks later...**

Quinn was in the home office paying some bills when the door bell rang. She went to the front door and answered. It was a black couple her and Jim's age with two little girls, one who appeared to be the same age as her boys and one who appeared a little older.

"Hi," said the man, "I'm Steve Jackson, this is my wife, Tamika, and our daughters, Natika and Naija. We just moved in across the street."

Quinn couldn't help feeling nervous about the skin color and African names of her new neighbors.

**To be continued...**

* * *

**Author's notes:** This chapter was intended as a brutal social commentary on racism in early 21st century America. As such, I wanted to depict the deeply ingrained mentality that continues to fuel it by showing that even otherwise non-racist whites often harbor racist impulses as a result of social conditioning. While Angier Sloane is overtly racist I felt that in the interests of realism it was best to depict any racism by Tom, Sandi, Jim, Quinn and Brittany as largely subconscious. This chapter was intended to be a critique of race relations in contemporary society and a scathing indictment of the cultural bias that continues to fuel it. I did not include Daria in this chapter for fear that giving her unconscious racist beliefs would have tarnished that character, and I don't think I carry enough pull in the fandom to get away with opening that can of worms.


	14. Chapter 14

**Boston, 2007...**

Daria Morgendorffer, then a grad student at Boston State, was coming home from a day of studying and classes toward her PhD. She entered the apartment that she shared with her best friend, Jane. Once inside Daria locked the door behind her and proceeded to put her books down. It was at this point that she noticed the door to Jane's room was closed and locked. This was followed by a chorus of "oooh" and "ahhh" and "yeah, baby" coming from inside Jane's room. Since Daria knew no one else was in the apartment, she correctly guessed that Jane was having a self-love session in there.

 _Just my luck_ Daria thought, _I come home just in time to listen to my best friend masturbate. I wish she'd keep it down when she does that. The doors are so thin I can hear everything._

As if Daria needed to be further reminded of the thin doors, she was suddenly treated to the sound of Jane's voice saying "Ooohhhhh...yesssss...soooo...there..." in an erotic tone.

 _Great_ Daria thought with an eye roll, _more audio porn_.

Nothing could've prepared Daria for what she heard next.

"OH, QUINN...YES...QUINN...OHQUINNYESSSSSS..."

Daria's eyes nearly shot out of their sockets.

* * *

**New York City, 11 years later...**

Daria had just endured a lousy morning. She'd come into work only to learn that her boss, late night host Frankie LePope, had spent the previous night in the drunk tank and now needed her to come pick him up at One Police Plaza. Daria came down and escorted a VERY hung over Frankie to his penthouse condo on the Upper West Side. Her boss was so hung over, in fact, that he passed out twice during the cab ride. Once she'd gotten him home Frankie thanked her by giving her the rest of the day, and all of the next, off with pay. She'd like to think her boss was grateful for the assistance, but she knew his generosity was primarily motivated by the fact that he was in such bad shape that it'd be at least two days before he was fully functional again. Not helping matters was the fact that when the cops booked Frankie for drunk and disorderly conduct they administered a drug test that, in addition to revealing an astonishingly high blood alcohol level, also came back positive for cocaine and methamphetamine.

_Well, at least they didn't find the drugs on his person this time._

Now, with unexpected free time and nothing else to do, Daria was on her way to pay Jane a surprise visit. As she approached the corner of Spring Street and Mercer, where Jane lived in a loft with her husband, Alan, she spotted a car parked on the curb. The car was a Suburu SUV that she'd recognized as Nicole's. Daria thought nothing of this as she knew that Nicole and Jane were business partners.

When she reached the entrance to Jane and Alan's loft she rang the door buzzer. It took a long time for anyone to answer, but Daria just assumed that they were in the middle of something. Finally, the door opened.

"Hey, Daria" said Nicole.

Daria at first said nothing due to the shock. Nicole was standing there completely naked. Daria needed a second to get used to the sight of Nicole's bare D-cups and landing strip of black pubic hair, along with the fact that Nicole had no qualms whatsoever about standing in an open doorway like this.

"Nicole," said Daria after a few seconds, "Why aren't you wearing any clothes?"

"Modeling" Nicole answered.

Daria said "You didn't think to put on a robe before answering!?"

Nicole explained "I would've, but once I saw that it was you I decided it wasn't necessary."

Daria raised an eyebrow.

"Come on," said Nicole, "I like being naked. I guess Quinn never told you how back in college I used to walk around first the dorm room and later the Theta house in just my birthday suit. It's no secret that I'm comfortable with being nude."

As Daria entered and Nicole closed the door behind them, she said "I just never expected you'd still be like that as a 35 year old wife and mother."

Nicole said "Daria, the female body's nothing to be ashamed of and frankly, mine's still hot, so of course I like to show it off. Besides, I was just hanging around here. It's not like I'm walking out in the street like this."

At this point, Daria heard Jane's voice.

"Yeah, Daria. Being this comfortable in your own skin is almost a job requirement in the art world."

Daria was shocked to see Jane standing in the entrance to her bedroom, also completely naked. "Since when does doing an artistic nude require the painter to be naked as well?" Daria dryly asked.

With a sly grin, Jane said "Is that what Nicole told you we were doing?"

Daria's jaw fell open.

"Jane, are you saying what I think you're saying?"

Walking up to Daria and speaking in a very flirty tone, Nicole said "Come on, Daria. Haven't you ever wanted to...experiment?"

Daria became very uncomfortable, especially as both women began to crowd her.

"Um...Are your husband's okay with this?"

Jane said "Mine is."

Nicole said "What Jamie doesn't know won't hurt him?"

Daria said "Let me get this straight, Nicole. You're cheating on Jamie by having a lesbian affair with Jane?"

As Nicole nodded Jane placed a hand on Daria's shoulder.

"Don't you want to feel what it's like?" Jane asked in an erotic tone.

Freaked out, Daria pulled away from Jane and lost her footing. This caused Daria to fall onto the couch. She was about to get back up when Nicole suddenly blocked her path and stared lustfully.

Pinning Daria in place, Nicole said "Come on, Daria. Let me kiss you...everywhere."

"She's good with her tongue" Jane added with a smirk.

Daria tried to struggle, but Nicole climbed onto her lap and pinned her to the sofa.

"Come on," said Nicole in an erotic tone, "You know you want it."

Nicole was about to kiss Daria. Suddenly, she let go of Daria and got off of her.

"Daria, you just got punked!" Nicole excitedly said before breaking down in a fit of laughter.

After a snicker, Jane said "Had you going there for a second, didn't she?"

Recovering from her laughing fit, Nicole said "Relax, Daria! We were just messing with you!"

Trying to recover from the shock, Daria said "So, it was just a prank? You two aren't having a lesbian affair?"

"No," said Jane, "We're both faithful to our husbands, Nicole's entirely straight and I'm mostly straight."

"I'm not so sure about that," said Daria, "After all, Jane, I know that you've hooked up with a girl on two seperate occassions."

"And was very drunk both times, so it proves nothing" Jane said with a chuckle.

Turning to Nicole, Daria added "Also, there's that video you made with Sandi."

Nicole said "Daria, I did that as a sexy gift for Jamie. All it proves is that I'm comfortable enough with my sexuality to dance outside the lines for someone I care about."

"I've actually seen that video," said Jane, "Nicole, I have to admit that you do seem really into it."

Nicole said "Which only proves I'm a good actress."

"True" Daria conceded. "After all, I have the best bullshit detector out of all of us and I really did think you were about to molest me."

Putting a robe on, Jane explained "The reason Nicole and I are both naked is that we were taking turns painting artistic nudes of each other. When you rang it was during her turn to model and my turn to paint. When I saw you through the peephole we decided to prank you, so while Nicole answered the door au naturale I ditched my robe and ducked into the bedroom."

"Your twisted sense of humor knows no bounds" Daria remarked.

"Look," said Nicole, "You have to admit it was pretty funny."

With a sigh, Daria said "And I probably will once I've spent a decade in therapy." She decided to change the subject. "Nicole, where's Rachel, or are you so comfortable with nudity that you have no problem being naked in front of your four year old daughter?"

Unfazed (and still undressed), Nicole said "To answer the first question, Rachel's with her father. The high school's having a Bring Your Kid To Work Day. In answer to the second question, yes. I want Rachel to grow up not feeling ashamed of her body and feel the best way is to teach by example."

Deadpan, Daria added "Translation: you don't want her to bug you incessantly for breast implants when she's a teenager, like you did with your parents."

"True," Nicole admitted, "Though if she does I refuse to cave like my parents did. Also, an underage girl getting a boob job doesn't fly in New York like it does in California."

Daria suddenly remembered something, an incident from a decade earlier. She decided to use this to get back at Jane for the prank just now.

"Nicole, did I ever tell you about the time I came home and heard Jane masturbating in her room?"

Knowing what Daria was trying to do, Jane said "Your attempt to embarass me won't work, Morgendorffer. I am completely without shame."

Daria knew Jane would change her tune once she remembered what particular incident was being mentioned.

"It was eleven years ago," said Daria, "When both Jane and I were still sharing an apartment in Boston. I'd come home and found the door to Jane's room closed with a sock on the knob. I knew she was alone because by then she was with Alan and he would be by later. Even Jane's not crazy enough to cheat when the odds of getting busted are that high. As such, I knew she was in there getting herself off."

"I've yet to be embarrassed" Jane interrupted.

Unfazed, Daria continued "The doors in that place were so thin that I could hear what she was saying to herself. I quickly figured out who Jane was fantasizing about."

Jane was not the least bit fazed, while Nicole listened with great interest.

"Who was she fantasizing about?" Nicole asked.

Daria smirked as she delivered the knockout punch.

"Quinn."

Nicole gasped in shock while Jane gasped in horror.

* * *

**Meanwhile, in Lawndale...**

Quinn was in the home office paying some bills. Jim, her husband of eight years, was out running errands with their three sons Tommy, Timmy and Teddy, who were now four years old. Quinn wrote and signed the last check, put it in the envelope and added said envelope to the stack.

_There, all done._

She got up from her desk and went to get the leash as she planned to kill some time by taking Storm for a walk. For those who don't know, Storm was a German Sheppard who'd been a part of the family since before Quinn and Jim were married. Reaching for the leash Quinn thought of how she and Jim had gotten this dog. They were attending a costume party for Halloween with their friends. There was a raging Storm outside. Sounds of howling and sights of a dogs face in the window during lightning strikes, along with Kevin and Brittany's stupidity, led to a rumor that there was a warewolf outside. Quinn knew better, and decided to prove it when a power outage coincided with the sound of scratching at the door. She opened the door and the so-called warewolf charged right in. Quinn and Jim followed it into the dinning room to discover the 'warewolf' was actually a scared puppy. Quinn instantly fell in love with this dog so she and Jim decided to keep it. The circumstances under which they'd found the dog led her to name him Storm. A few days later, the vet confirmed at the initial check up that Storm was only five months old and most likely abandoned. To Quinn it was that rather than the wedding or the birth of the boys that marked the moment she and Jim went from being a couple to being a family. Everything since was a welcome addition that served to reinforce the fact.

Now, however, things were different with Storm. He was now tweleve years old, the canine equivalent of being 80. He'd grown noticeably weaker and more sickly over the past year. Indeed, Jim and the boys seemed to know that Storm was rapidly approaching the end of the line. Not only was he easily exhausted, but he rarely ate anymore and was showing signs of dementia. Indeed, Quinn seemed to be the only family member her still recognized. She wasn't willing to euthanize Storm, despite both Jim and the vet saying it was the best thing they could do for him as his health was so rapidly deteriorating that he was in almost constant pain and would only get worse. The reason Quinn didn't want to put Storm down was that she was so attached to him that she couldn't bring herself to accept that he was dying and it would be an act of mercy at this point.

"STORM, HERE BOY!"

No response, which was increasingly common. Quinn began to look for him.

"Storm!"

She walked to a spot in the living room by the sofa. Sure enough, he was sleeping by the couch.

"Storm, wanna go for a walk?"

There was no response. Storm continued to sleep as Quinn began to worry.

"Storm?"

She knelt next to the sleeping dog. She placed a hand on his head and gently stroked, which he loved. That's when she noticed something.

_He feels cooler than normal!_

Quinn looked at his torso and noticed it wasn't rising and compressing. Now seriously worried she held her hand in front of his nose and was horrified by confirmation that Storm wasn't breathing.

"No," Quinn gasped, "NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

In panic, she gently turned him over. He was totally unresponsive. Quinn pressed an ear to the dog's chest, but there was no heartbeat. Realizing that Storm was dead, Quinn started to cry.

* * *

**Evening...**

The next few hours had been chaotic. When Jim returned with the boys and the tools (they'd been to the hardware store) Quinn was able to pull it together long enough to convince the boys that Storm was just taking another nap. After that, she pulled Jim aside and told him what was really going on. With no time to come up with a better option they sent their sons next door to spend the night with the Thompsons. After this, Quinn and Jim took Storm's body to a veterinary clinic for an autopsy and burial as they wanted to know what exactly caused Storm to finally check out on this life.

Now, in a waiting room, Quinn cried while Jim tried his beast to comfort her.

"I... _sniff_...I c...can't be... _sob_...believe he's g... _choke_...gone... _sniff_..."

"I know, Quinn," said a saddened Jim, "I'm sorry."

"I..." Quinn said throught the sobs, "...I loved that d...dog so much... _sob_..."

"Me too, Quinn. Me too."

Jim wanted to cry as well, but the machismo beaten into him by his father simply wouldn't allow it.

At this point, a young man in his early thirties entered the room. He was the veterinary coroner.

"Mr. and Mrs. Carbone, I've finished the autopsy. It appears that your dog suffered a massive nocturnal cardiac arrest."

"M...Meaning?" asked Quinn.

The vet explained "Basically, while he slept Storm's heart stopped beating, which set off a chain reaction that shut down his vital organs one by one. To put it in layman's terms, your dog died of old age in his sleep."

Quinn had one more question, but couldn't bring herself to ask it.

Knowing what his wife wanted to ask, Jim said "Was there any pain?"

Shaking his head, the vet said "No. He just went to sleep and never stopped sleeping. He probably didn't feel a thing when it happened."

Both Quinn and Jim allowed themselves to take comfort in the knowledge that Storm's departure from this world was painless.

* * *

**Meanwhile, in New York...**

Jane was sitting alone in her SoHo loft drinking a glass of red wine while deep in thought. Her and Nicole's prank on Daria had some unforseen consequences. The first consequence was Daria evening the score by telling Nicole that Jane once had a sexual fantasy about Quinn. Jane honestly couldn't recall that incident but, since Daria was not in the habit of keeping a lie up any longer than necessary to achieve the desired result, she had no choice but to believe it was true and that she'd merely completely forgotten about it.

 _You think I'd remember something that heavy_ Jane thought as she took a sip of her wine.

The second consequence of the prank was Jane questioning her own sexuality. It wasn't the first time. She remembered her encounter with Alison at the art colony that one summer. Alison had insisted that Jane gave off gay vibes and was in denial about it. After a night of self-doubt, though, Alison came clean and admitted that she may have just hoped too hard and saw something that wasn't there. Since Jane hadn't felt even the slightest desire to hook up with Alison she felt the matter was settled. Now, she was revisiting the incident.

_"Alison, I like GUYS."_

_"And hanging out with bisexuals after they buy you dinner."_

_"HEY, I didn't know you were bi, and the dinner thing was settling a bet."_

Remembering those words gave Jane the following thought.

_What if it wasn't just to settle a bet? What if I really did want her and just couldn't admit it, even to myself?_

This caused Jane to recall another moment in her conversation with Alison that night almost two decades earlier.

_"Look, Alison, I appreciate everything you've done for me, but I'm really not interested."_

_"You mean you aren't ready to admit it."_

Jane recalled how rattled she was after that. Even though she soon concluded that she was in fact straight and Alison was just trying to get in her pants, that last comment stayed in her mind. It lay dormant for a while. Then came a self love session where Jane decided to switch things up. Rather than fantasize about a guy, Jane got herself off imagining what would have happened had she given in to Alison's advances.

_Then came college, where that curiosity finally got the better of me._

Jane recalled how while at BFAC she decided to try kissing a girl, just to see what would happen. To that end, she wound up sleeping with one of her openly lesbian classmates and liking it.

 _Although_ Jane thought, _she was one of those butch types. I reasoned that her mannish looks and the alcohol turned me on. In fact, as much as I found it pleasurable it didn't lead to an interest in women in general. I even stopped having girl on girl fantasies because the reality did not live up to the expectation._

Jane then remembered how the curiosity started to come back.

_The time Daria claims I got myself off thinking about Quinn was only a few months after I did that nude painting of her. Even though I don't remember fantasizing about Quinn, I do recall occassionally fantasizing about girls again after that but thought nothing of it. In fact, every nude I ever painted was of either a woman or a woman and man together. How come I never painted a lone man in the buff?_

Jane quickly reminded herself exactly why.

_Because male models are much harder to come by than female._

At least that's what Jane always told herself. Now, she wasn't sure.

 _Quinn's bachelorette party_ Jane remembered. _That was the second time I had sex with a woman. We were playing sexy truth or dare in the hot tub. Sandi, who's openly bi, made out with Quinn. It got to second base before our running commentary snapped them both to reality. Quinn's straight, I have no doubt about that. Her reciprocation of Sandi's kissing and groping owed more to Quinn's blood alcohol level at the time than her libido. Seeing it, though, actually turned me on. It turned me own so much that after the others turned in for the night I satyed in the hot tub because Sandi had stayed as well. We started talking about our childhood friendship, which led to us speculating how it would've gone if the Barbie crowd hadn't gotten their talons into her and turned her into one of them. One thing led to another and soon it was Sandi and I sucking tongue and feeling each other up. From there we went into a guest room and spent the rest of that evening exploring each others naked bodies. Touching, tasting, kissing, groping, biting and grinding all through the night. We kept giving each other orgasm after orgasm before finally falling asleep in each others arms totally spent._

Jane suddenly felt something.

_And remembering it now is starting to get me revved up._

Jane took another sip of wine.

_What if I am bi? What if Alison really did see something in me that I didn't see in myself that night? What if I've just been kidding myself all these years?_

She took another sip of wine.

_If I'm so heterosexual then why have I had fantasies about women? Why did I experiment with a girl at BFAC? Why do I like painting female nudes? Why did I hook up with Sandi Griffin, of all people?_

Jane was about to take another sip of wine when she noticed that the glass was now empty. She took the bottle off the end table, poured herself another glass, then proceeded to try and figure things out as she drank.

_To be honest, I do think Quinn's sexy. That's a reason I did that nude and why I had a few sex dreams about her after that. Although, the fact that I have no memory of getting myself off thinking about Quinn should be an indication of how trivial that is. I got it on with Sandi and enjoyed every second of it. Not only that, but it didn't make things awkward between us. Then again, as much as I loved getting busy with a childhood friend who was a stripper with the body of a supermodel I didn't enjoy it so much that I wanted to make a habit of it. Nicole's hot. She's got the sexy asian thing going for her and has a rack like Brittany. Still, as much as her body entices me I really don't think I should hook up with her. Besides, making a girly porno for her husband notwhitstanding she's straight. I have to admit feeling a little turned on by the idea of getting it on with Daria. Thing is I'd never do that. She's straight, and even if she wasn't I just don't see her that way. Even if I did hooking up with Daria would make things so weird between us that it'd basically be the Tom situation all over again._

Jane took another sip of her wine.

_So, Jane, are you straight, or are you a bisexual in denial?_

She was disappointed to not get an answer.

* * *

**Lawndale, the next evening...**

Teddy Carbone was laying awake in his bed. At age four he was so perceptive that it was almost as if he were a grown man in the body of a small child. He thought of how the night had gone before. Unlike his brothers, he immediately knew something was up when his parents hurriedly shipped them off to the idiots next door without explanation. He spent that whole night bemused by the stupidity of the whole Thompson family. Indeed, Daryl showed up to give Brittany a workout in the master bedroom that lasted until well past midnight. It didn't take Teddy long to figure out what Mr. Johnson and Mrs. Thompson were really doing. It was also plain to see that Mr. Thompson and the kids had no idea what was going on despite all the noise coming from the bedroom. Mr. Thompson slept on the couch and clearly did not even suspect that his wife was cheating on him in their own bed. Not to mention the fact that both Mr. Johnson and Kevin Jr. are black, making it glaringly obvious who Kevin Jr.'s real father is. Despite visual evidence to the contrary, Mr. Thompson really did believe that Kevin Jr. was biologically his. Teddy made no effort to correct this assumption because the fact that he's four years old meant that no one would take anything he said seriously. Besides, Kevin's astonishing stupidity was somewhat amusing to the boy.

The next day Teddy's parents told him and his brothers what really happened. Storm, the family dog, had died of old age. Timmy cried while Tommy eagerly anticipated getting a new dog. Teddy did not react to the news at all, which freaked everyone else out. Teddy was just as sad as Timmy had been, he just didn't like to make a big production of it. Teddy also knew Tommy was just as sad about Storm's passing. Anticipating good things to come was just how Tommy dealt with setbacks. Indeed, Teddy had overheard comments on more than one occassion that Tommy was like their mother while he was more like Aunt Daria. Teddy didn't believe his parents story that they'd see Storm again in the afterlife, because he did not believe that there was an afterlife. If there were life after death then where was the evidence? Then again, both Tommy and Timmy believed it was Santa Clause giving them toys on Christmas while Teddy had figured out it was all a ruse by their parents, so it came as no surprise that they believed the story of Storm now happily playing with other dogs in Heaven.

Teddy's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the door to his room opening.

"Teddy" said Quinn as she came in.

"Yeah, Mom" said Teddy.

Sitting on the bed, Quinn asked "How do you feel? About Storm being dead?"

"I'm sad, Mom," said Teddy, "Storm was a great dog."

Quinn knew her son was sad and just didn't like to show it. "Teddy," she said in a reassuring tone, "Storm's in a better place now, and he's very happy."

Teddy said "You're talking like he still exists."

"Because he does" said Quinn, knowing that it was best to approach Teddy as if he were much older than his three years.

"Mom," said Teddy, "A person, or dog, continuing to exist after they die makes absolutely no sense."

Quinn knew that as smart as Teddy was he wasn't all knowing. She tailored her explanation accordingly.

"Teddy, you're still young. Yes, you're smart, but there are things you can't possibly know simply because you haven't had a chance to learn them yet. There are also things that none of us can ever know. The existence of a soul and an afterlife are two of those things."

Teddy asked "Then why not just assume they don't exist until there's proof that they do?"

Quinn said "Why assume they don't? Just because you can't prove something doesn't mean it isn't real."

Teddy knew this was true. "Now that you mention it, we didn't know that bacteria existed until the microscope was invented."

Quinn said "And maybe someday they'll invent something that can show us that there's life after death."

"Or something that proves there isn't" Teddy replied in a tone errily reminiscent of Daria.

Quinn was amazed. If not for having grown up with a sister who was advanced beyond her years as well Quinn would have a hard time accepting that Teddy's basically a four year old genius.

"Teddy," Quinn said, "Until I see proof otherwise I choose to believe there is something beyond this life. You should believe what feels right for you, even if it's not what your father and I believe. Besides, there's no proof of an afterlife but there's no proof that there isn't one either. Since we can't know we have to choose what to believe until we can know."

Teddy commented "In other words, absence of evidence isn't evidence of absence."

Amazed that Teddy was already familiar with the saying, Quinn smiled as she said "Exactly!"

Teddy said "You know, Mom, that actually does make me feel better. Thanks!"

Quinn's heart melted at the sight of a Daria-esque half smile on Teddy's face. Her son smiled just as rarely as her sister did and she could now understand why her father always seemed to melt the few times that Daria did smile.

* * *

**Manhattan's Upper East Side, the next day...**

Sandi and Tom's penthouse condo was a massive estate with a commanding view of the East River. It had been a year since they left Lawndale and in that time they quickly established themselves as part of New York high society. Inside, Jane and Sandi were in one of the many sitting rooms having a conversation. The subject, to Sandi's surprise and partial chagrin, was the incident at Quinn's bachelorette party.

"Jane," said Sandi, "That was eight years ago."

"I know," said Jane, "But I'm starting to doubt my sexuality and that's one of the reasons."

Sandi said "Jane, we're both happily married. I'm not going to cheat on my husband just so you can resolve a sudden identity crisis."

"That's not why I'm here," said Jane, "I'm here because I want to know how exactly you discovered and accepted that you're into both men and women."

Sandi proceeded to explain. "Discovery was the easy part, but acceptance was a long process. I started being turned on by girls at around the same time I discovered guys. I didn't want to be bi, so I ignored my feelings for girls and focused exclusively on my desire for guys. Whenever I was aroused by a member of my own gender I'd just tell myself over and over again that it was curiosity and I'm not that way. I actually thought that if I kept telling myself that it would eventually be true."

"I see" said an anxious Jane.

Sandi continued "Obviously, it didn't work. I believed the lie that I kept telling myself, despite feeling just as turned on by attractive girls as I was by attractive guys. Looking back, I think that's one reason I was such a bitch back in high school. I bullied Stacy, in part, to cope with my desire to hook up with her. While my animosity toward Quinn was due to her greater popularity, in retrospect wanting her and knowing I'd never have her was a factor as well."

"When did you finally stop lying to yourself?" Jane asked.

"College," said Sandi, "I met a girl who also went both ways and we hit it off. When I first saw her I wanted to rip her clothes off and have her right there. I got similar vibes from her. At a party things came to a head. We were dancing suggestively and got so into it that we started making out. Then, I realized that I was making out with a girl and enjoyed it just as much as I would've if I'd been doing that with a guy. I was so freaked that I actually ran away."

"I see" said Jane.

Sandi contiued. "She caught up with me and we decided to try kissing since there was no one else around at that point. No distractions, no fear of judgement. We kissed, I liked it, so we went to an upstairs bedroom and had sex. We were a couple after that, but it was still a while before I came out of the closet. You know the story from there."

"So," said Jane, "What do you think I should do? Cheat on Alan with a woman?"

Sandi shook her head. "That's a bad idea. Granted, hooking up with a woman under circumstances would be the easiest way to determine your sexuality once and for all, but I'd only recommend that if your husband's cool with it."

"I might ask him when he gets back from Peru," said Jane, "In the meantime, are there ways to confirm my sexuality that don't involve sleeping with a woman?"

"None that are one-hundred percent conclusive," Sandi admitted, "But there are ways to get a better sense of what your true orientation is. For example, I know that your attraction to men has been consistent throughout your life. How does your interest in women compare?"

"Very on and off," said Jane, "You know about the Ashfield incident, right?"

Sandi nodded. "Yes. I don't remember when I found out or how it came up, but it is something both you and Daria have told me about."

Jane said "Prior to that I never once felt attracted to or turned on by a girl, and Alison trying to put the moves on me didn't change that, at least initially. Much later, when I was bored, I had a self-love session where I imagined how it would've gone if I had given into Alison's advances and managed to get myself off."

"I see."

Continuing, Jane said "I decided to add those fantasies to my self-love toolbox and believed that'd be the extent of it. Then, at BFAC I had a lesbian experience that seemed to confirm that I'm straight after all. Some years later, I did that nude portrait of Quinn. I was having sex fantasies about her for months after that, but thought so little of it that it took Daria recently reminding me to even remember."

"Have you ever wanted to hook up with Daria?" asked Sandi.

"No," said Jane, "I've never had any sexual interest in her. Even if I did I would never hook up with Daria because that'd make things weird between us."

Sandi said "I can see that."

Jane admitted "After we hooked up I decided to blame it on the alcohol though, in truth, I still get turned on by you on occassion."

Sandi was flattered as it served to prove that she still had it at thirty-six.

"For the most part" said Jane, "I haven't been into girls since then, but that changed after I did a nude of Nicole."

Sandi said "Jane, Nicole's a total hottie but she's straight. Yes, we made a lesbian porno together but I don't think she was as into it as she acted. She was doing that solely as a special gift for her husband. Although..."

As Sandi's mind seemed to wander, Jane asked "What?"

"I did give her orgasms" admitted a blushing Sandi.

"Yet, she's straight" said Jane.

Sandi said "Jane, orgasms are triggered by both physical and psychological stimuli. The orgasms I gave Nicole and you could easily have just been a purely automatic response to constant physical stimulation."

Jane knew this was true. She also knew that an orgasm, of lack thereof, was not the most accurate guage of sexual enjoyment.

After thinking for a minute, Jane let out a frustrated sigh.

"Sandi, I'm no closer to figuring my sexuality out now than I was before we had this conversation."

Sandi said "I could tell you what I think."

"I'm probably going to regret this," said Jane, "but please give me your honest opinion."

Sandi asked "Are you familiar with the Kinsey Scale?"

Jane nodded. She knew how the Kinsey Scale essentially measured one's orientation on a scale of 0 to 6, with 0 being entirely straight and six being entirely gay or lesbian.

Sandi said "I think you're most likely either a one or two on that scale, based on what you've told me. A one is a straight person with an ocassional, passing interest in the same sex. A two is a bisexual who's preferences lean more toward the opposite sex than the same sex."

"So," said Jane, "You think I'm either a straight woman with an occasional dalience into lesbianism or a bisexual who'd go with guys if forced to choose one or the other."

Nodding, Sandi said "Pretty much."

Jane sighed.

"Well, that helps a little, but not much."

"Sorry," said Sandi, "but short of sleeping with you again, which I won't do, it's the best I can do."

Jane said "I've lebeled myself as heterosexual my whole life. Should I stop doing that?"

Sandi said "That's entirely up to you. Maybe you're straight and just like to get crazy with your choice of sex partner on occasion. Maybe you're a bisexual who's more often interested in men than in women. What you choose to label yourself is your decision alone."

"That doesn't help," said Jane, "It feels like either way I'd be lying."

"It's just a label," said Sandi, "Label yourself whatever you feel comfortable with being. If you feel most comfortable calling yourself straight, go with that. If you feel it's more accurate to call yourself bi, then only do that if you feel comfortable doing that. There's no requirement that you be out and proud, or that you pick a side. Go with what works for you. Jane, you could be straight or bi, but what you openly identify as is up to you and you alone. If someone has a problem, then they don't deserve your time. Go with what works for you." After a regretful sigh, she went on to admit "I wish I'd understood that a lot sooner in life."

Reassuring, Jane said "Sandi, we all learned lessions the hard way. Look, I think for now I'll just go on calling myself straight, but it's comforting to know that I can change my mind if I want to."

Sandi said "Sexual orientation isn't a choice, but the label you attach to yours is and that choice is never final. Remember that."

Visibly relieved, Jane said "Thanks, Sandi."

* * *

**Lawndale, that evening...**

Jim was taking out the trash. As he put the bag in a can he felt a small paw tap his leg. Looking he saw a small dog wag it's tail excitedly at him. This dog had beige fur with black stripes and looked like a toy version of a greyhound.

"Hey, little buddy" Jim said as he immediately succumbed to the puppys cuteness. The puppy responded by actually jumping on him, which he didn't mind as the dog was so friendly and adorable.

Seeing the underside of the small dog, Jim said "My mistake, you're a girl."

He proceeded to pet the puppy, which made her even more excited. Next, Jim picked the puppy up and realized that she was all skin and bones.

"You must be starving. Good thing we still have Storm's old dog food."

* * *

**The garage, a short time later...**

As the dog was happily gobbling up some dog food Jim and Quinn were laying out Storm's old dog basket so she'd have a place to sleep. As all three finished the dog ran up to Jim and tried to jump on him. He responded by picking her up. She responded to being picked up by playfully licking his face.

"You're an affectionate little thing, aren't you?"

Jim placed the dog in the basket.

"Tomorrow, we'll try to find your family. Since you can't tell me your name, for now I'll call you..." He looked at the pattern on the dog's coat. "...Stripe."

Stripe cuddled up to Jim in response. She was equally affectionate toward Quinn.

"Ooooh, aren't you just the most adorable thing" Quinn said in response.

Over the next few days Jim and Stripe became totally inseperable. The triplets all wanted to keep her, but Jim insisted they make sure she isn't someone else's dog first even though Quinn could tell he wanted to keep her even more badly than the kids did. Jim showed Stripe around the neighborhood, but no one recognized her. He took her to the animal shelter, but only to confirm that there were no reports of a missing dog matching Stripe's description. Once confirmed that Stripe had no home the matter was settled, Stripe was now the Carbone's family dog. At the vets she was found to be in good health aside from being malnourished, which would cease to be an issue since Jim had been feeding her since he found her. The vet also confirmed that she was a four month old greyhound puppy. Form that point on, Stripe was one of the family.

**To be continued...**


	15. Chapter 15

**2018...**

It was morning in Oakwood. Quinn arrived at That's Amore Italian Restaraunt to meet with the owner about potentially sponsoring S'mores 'n' Pores. Even though it was several hours before opening the front door was unlocked so she could let herself in. After doing just that, Quinn proceeded to announce her arrival.

"Hello! Mr. Anderson! It's me, Quinn!"

There was no response.

"Mr. Anderson!"

Still no response.

"Mr. Anderson?"

When there was still no response, Quinn decided to look for him in the back. Soon, she was in the kitchen.

"Mr. Anderson! Hello, it's Quinn Carbone! You wanted to talk about a possible sponsorship!"

That's when she heard a muffled voice coming from the back. Following the sound, Quinn soon found herself by the walk in refrigerator. It was closed, which wasn't unusual. What was unusual was the red stain on the floor coming from the fridge. This was followed by Mr. Anderson's voice coming from inside.

"HELP ME!"

Quinn's eyes went wide.

"OHMYGOD!"

She immediately ran to the fridge and opened it. A shivering Mr. Anderson emerged. He was a middle aged man with curly blond hair.

"Oh, Thank God! I've been trapped in there all night!"

Concerned, Quinn asked "What happened?"

Pointing to the red stain on the floor, Mr. Anderson said "I spilled a jar of tomato sauce and while I was trying to mop it up the door slammed shut and I was trapped inside. I nearly froze to death in there!" Hugging Quinn, he added "You saved my life! How can I ever repay you?"

Quinn said "Just the fact that you're okay is thanks enough, though I wouldn't mind a sponsorship."

Releasing Quinn, Mr. Anderson said "Are you kidding? Not only am I definitely sponsoring you, but I'm giving you, your husband and another couple of your choosing a night at this place on the house. It's the least I can do!"

Quinn smiled. Not only was she getting a sponsorship, she was getting a free dinner at one of the nicest restaurants in the Baltimore/DC area.

* * *

**Thompson House, Lawndale, the next day...**

Quinn's husband, Jim, was hanging out with Kevin on the proch. With all his other friends having moved Jim's options for socializing were so limited that he spent most of his guy time with the village idiot. He was telling Kevin about recent events.

"...so now Quinn and I need to find another couple to take to That's Amore on a double date."

After taking a swig of his beer, Kevin said "I'm sure you'll find someone, man". A second later, something occurred to the former QB. "What a minute!? Me and Brit are married! We're a couple!"

"Kevin, no, I..."

Excited, Kevin interrupted.

"AWRIGHT! I GET A FREE DINNER!"

"But, Kevin..."

"AWRIGHT!"

Jim facepalmed himself for putting his foot in his mouth.

* * *

**Later...**

Kevin approached the closed bedroom door in his house and knocked.

"Yo, babe! Can I come in?"

"Just a sec, Kevie" Brittany said from inside.

A minute later, she opened the door. Her sports bra and bicycle pants looked like they'd been thrown on in a frantic hurry. Inside, Daryl was there and his clothes appeared to have been thrown on in similar haste.

"This better be good, Kevie," said a mildly irritated Brittany, "You interrupted my...um..."

"Workout session" Daryl hurriedly suggested.

"Yeah!" said Brittany, "My workout session."

Still not the least bit aware that his wife and Daryl had been having an affair for the previous nine years, Kevin said "Sorry. Hey, Daryl."

Bemused by Kevin's inability to pick up on what's really going on, Daryl said "Hi, Mr. Thompson."

Turning to Brittany, Kevin said "Babe, Quinn and Jim invited us on a double-date Saturday night. Wanna go to That's Amore in Oakwood?"

Suspiciously relieved, Brittany said "Can't, babe. Saturday's one of my Daryl nights."

Suddenly nervous, Daryl said "That's okay, ba...Brittany. You can skip that session."

Simultaneously shocked and disappointed, Brittany said "But, Daryl, I have an appointment."

Drayl tried to explain. "Brittany," he said, "I've fu...TRAINED...you three to six nights a week for almost nine years now. I could really use a night off."

Worried and potentially heartbroken, Brittany said "Daryl, babe...I mean buddy...why? Did I do something wrong?"

Daryl said "No, just...well..." He was about to tell his married lover the truth, but chickened out. "Look," he said impatiently, "Can't I just get a night off!?"

Now angry, Brittany fumed "FINE! Take a damn night off, I don't care!"

With that, she angrily stormed into the bathroom, locked the door and started crying.

Too dumb to pick up on the subtext, Kevin said "Great, babe! I'll tell Quinn and Jim that we're on!"

* * *

**Quinn and Jim's house, evening...**

Quinn and Jim were in bed getting ready to call it a night.

Jim said "Guess who's coming with us to That's Amore?"

Joking, Quinn said "Kevin and Brittany."

Not getting the joke, Jim said "She already told you!"

Quinn gasped in shock. "OHMYGOD! Jim, I meant that as a joke!" She hoped Jim would say he was joking too. When he didn't, Quinn said "I can't believe you invited THEM!"

"I didn't mean to," Jim protested, "I wouldn't have even brought it up if I remembered for one second that he was married."

Rolling her eyes, Quinn said "Jim, Kevin and Brittany aren't even a real couple anymore. Brittany once told me she and Kevin only have sex on Thanksgiving and Christmas. That's why she gets so depressed during the holidays."

"I'm sorry," said Jim, "I can't believe I was so stupid."

Quinn said "I can't believe we're spending Saturday with a couple where the wife has totally checked out on the marriage and the husband's too dumb to notice."

* * *

**That's Amore, Saturday Evening...**

The restaurant was packed mostly with couples on dates. There was a dance floor and a live piano player playing romantic music as several couples danced. At one of the tables Jim and Quinn sat across from Kevin and Brittany. Kevin was smiling as usual while Brittany clearly didn't wanna be there.

Kevin said "Yo, check this out!"

He took one of the complimentary breadsticks and held it with one end touching the tip of his nose.

"I'm Pinocchio!"

Jim and Quinn laughed, though their laughter was clearly forced, while Brittany sank in her chair out of embarrassment.

Kevin, unaware that no one was amused, said "Hey, you like sea food?"

He then bit one end of the breadstick off and chewed before opening his mouth.

"See, food. Get it?"

"Yeah, funny" said Brittany in a tone that indicates the exact opposite.

"Kevin, eww!" said Quinn as Jim scowled at him.

Deciding she'd had enough, Brittany said "I have to use the restroom."

Brittany hurriedly exited her seat.

Staring at his wife's ass as she left, Kevin said "You know, my babe looks so hot walking away it's almost a shame to know she's gonna come right back."

Quinn and Jim both frowned. Jim thought _that's what I get for opening my mouth around Kevin, a ruined night out_.

* * *

**The Ladies Room...**

Brittany was dialing a number on her cell phone. She listened to it ring until...

"You've reached Daryl Johnson. I'm not home right now, but if you leave a message I'll get back as soon as possible. Also, if this is about the Corvette, it's already been sold."

At the sound of the beep, Brittany left a message.

"Hey, Daryl, babe, it's Brittany. I miss you. Um...I hope you're enjoying your night off. Bye."

Very disappointed, Brittany hung up.

**The bar, a short time later...**

Brittany sat alone at the bar looking and feeling miserable as the bartender poured her a gin on the rocks.

"Here you go, miss" said the bartender.

Taking the drink, Brittany said "Thanks, leave the bottle."

Concerned, the bartender asked "Are you alright, miss?"

Before she could answer Kevin suddenly approached and sat next to Brittany.

"Like, hey, babe. Are you a parking ticket, 'cause you've got fine written all over you?"

Brittany sighed. Sensing her distress, the bartender said "Hey, buddy, the lady dosen't wanna be disturbed."

In a resigned tone, Brittany said "It's okay, I know him."

As the bartender walked away to serve others Kevin said "I've never seen this beautiful goddess before in my life."

Brittany couldn't help smiling as she loved when Kevin talked about her like that.

Serious, Kevin asked "Is something wrong, babe?"

Once again frowning, Brittany said "No. I mean, why would anything be wrong?"

"Cool," said Kevin, "I mean, you did lead the cheerleading squad to another State Championship this year. I saw it. The moves you taught those girls were, like, awesome."

Pleasantly surprised, Brittany said "You still attend our cheerleading competitions!?"

Grinning, Kevin said "I sorta have a crush on the coach."

Brittany actually smiled and blushed when he said that. It was the first time in years that her husband made her feel special, and it felt just as good as it did all the way back in high school. Suddenly, the pianist played "I Want It That Way" by the Backstreet Boys.

"Babe," said Kevin, "They're playing our song!" Extending a hand to Brittany, he asked "Like, may I have this dance?"

Brittany blushed even harder as she said "I'd love that, babe."

Kevin led her to the dance floor. Kevin and Brittany slow danced, having eyes only for each other the whole time. Brittany seemed to suddenly forget that Daryl even existed as the music reminded her of a happier time in her life. Simultaneously, Kevin was turning up the charm. This caused Brittany to start remembering what it was about Kevin that made her fall in love with him in the first place.

"Babe, you're, like, the best thing that ever happened to me" said Kevin.

"Oh, Kevie!" said Brittany, "I forgot how sweet you are."

Kevin said "I know I'm, like, not the QB anymore. I'm fat, I'm bald and I can't hold down a job."

Smiling, Brittany said "You're also sweet, loving and the best father our kids could ever have. Kevie, I don't know what I'd do without you."

In that moment, Kevin and Brittany kissed.

Back at their table, Jim and Quinn watched as Brittany fell back in love with Kevin.

Smiling, Quinn said "Jim, will you look at that."

Also touched by the display, Jim said "It's enough to make you forget that their marriage has been dead for almost nine years."

"This place really is magical" said Quinn in a dreamy tone.

Jim stood up and extended his hand to his wife.

"Shall we?"

Taking her husband's hand, Quinn said "Yes".

They joined Kevin and Brittany on the dance floor.

* * *

**Thompson house, much later...**

Kevin and Brittany were walking the upstairs hallway holding hands. They felt like nothing had changed since high school, like they were just as carefree now as they'd been when he was the star quarterback and she was the head cheerleader.

"I had fun tonight, Kevie" she said.

"Me too, babe," he replied, "Me too."

They stared into each others eyes. All pretense melted away as Brittany said the first words that came to mind.

"I love you, Kevin."

"I love you, Brittany."

With that they kissed. When the kiss broke, Kevin noticed that they'd reached the door to the master bedroom.

Ending the embrace, Kevin said "Goodnight, babe."

He turned to go back downstairs as he'd long since been sleeping on the living room couch instead of in bed with his wife.

"Kevie?"

Kevin turned around to see Brittany start to remove the straps on her blue evening dress. He watched the dress fall to the floor. Brittany stepped out of the dress and kicked it aside. Kevin was pleasantly surprised to find not only that Brittany had no bra but also that her double-D breasts were just as firm and supple as they were the first time he'd seen them twenty-one years earlier.

Now clad in just high-heeled shoes and a thong, Brittany signaled Kevin over with a lustful grin on her face. Once he was close enough, she took his left hand in both of hers and placed it on her right breast. Her nipple instantly hardened at his touch. As Kevin proceeded to fondle her in earnest Brittany wrapped a hand around the back of his head and pulled him into a hot, passionate kiss. As they kissed Kevin felt his wifes nipples harden like diamonds. Brittany felt her lower regions rapidly moisten. She also felt the growing erection in her husband's pants, which served to turn her on even more.

"Take me," Brittany begged in an urgently erotic tone, "Kevin, I want you to make love to me all..." She licked the left side of his face. "...night..." She licked the right side of his face. "...long." She pulled him into the deepest, hardest French kiss either of them ever experienced. As they continued to kiss and grope Brittany opened the bedroom door and dragged Kevin in with her. She then frantically tore his clothes off. Granted, Kevin was no longer the stud he was back in high school, but Brittany didn't care. He was bald with a beer gut but in this moment, despite Kevin's physical flaws, there was no one in the world who could possibly be sexier to Brittany. Once they were both naked they proceeded to make love to each other in earnest. The kisses, licks, touching, sucking and dirty talk lasted long into the night. They had sex in so many positions, giving each other orgasm after orgasm. Brittany was especially pleasured as Kevin's forplay alone caused her to have additional orgasms. Indeed, they seemed to feed off one another's sexual pleasure. The lovemaking continued until they finally passed out in one another's arms, spent and totally satisfied.

* * *

**The next morning...**

Brittany started to wake up. Naked under the sheets, she felt the man in bed with her and noticed something...off. His body wasn't toned and muscular, it had what felt like a beer gut and man boobs.

Waking up with a start, Brittany was shocked to see the man in her bed was not Daryl, but Kevin.

_Oh...my...GOD!!!_

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

**To be continued...**


	16. Chapter 16

**Thompson house, Lawndale, Sunday morning...**

Kevin and Brittany were waking up. Kevin felt on top of the world while Brittany felt absolutely mortified. The reason was that she'd spent the previous night having sex with Kevin instead of her lover, Daryl, and enjoyed every second of it.

"Babe," said Kevin, "Last night was awesome!"

Horrified to have had good sex with her husband instead of her adulturous lover, Brittany said "Um...I was pretty drunk."

Kevin said "You were still great."

Feeling intense shame, Brittany didn't dare admit that she'd enjoyed it just as much as he did. When Kevin tried to kiss her, she turned away.

"Like, what's wrong, babe?"

Curling up under the sheets, Brittany said "I have a headache."

Missing the tone, Kevin said "That's a hangover for ya. Taking a shower usually helps. Come on."

"If you don't mind," Brittany growled, "I'd rather sleep a little longer."

Kevin accepted this explanation.

"Okay."

He went into the bathroom. Once alone, Brittany had the following thought.

_Daryl, I'm so sorry!_

She began to silently cry.

* * *

**Later...**

Brittany was in the back yard hanging the freshly washed bed sheets on a clothes line. As the Thompsons lived next door to the Carbones this happened to coincide with Quinn watering a rose bush in her back yard.

"Morning, Brittany" Quinn said with a polite wave.

Brittany said nothing but sighed.

Concerned, Quinn asked "What's wrong?"

Walking up to the fence, Brittany said "Quinn, I _...sniff_...I did something terrible last night."

"What?"

"I...I..." Brittany took a deep breath. "...I HAD SEX WITH KEVIE!"

Raising an eyebrow, Quinn said "So? He's your husband."

"What about Daryl!?" Brittany frantically asked.

Suspending disbelief, Quinn said "Let me get this straight. You're upset because last night you slept with your husband instead of an adulterous lover."

Nodding, Brittany said "How could I have done such a thing!? Nine years of hot sex with Daryl and I throw it all away in one night of passion!"

Rolling her eyes, Quinn said "Brittany, you're acting like sleeping with your husband is some kind of betrayal."

"BECAUSE IT IS!" Brittany exclaimed, "Daryl will be devastated when he finds out."

Quinn sternly said "Brittany, sleeping with Kevin wasn't betrayal. The nine years you've been nailing Daryl on the side, THAT'S the betrayal."

Brittany said "I don't know what to do. I love Daryl, I do. But...Well, after last night...you see..."

"You love Kevin again, don't you?" said Quinn.

Brittany nodded.

"What I don't get" said Quinn, "Is why you stayed with Kevin when you didn't love him anymore."

"BECAUSE I NEVER STOPPED LOVING KEVIE!" Brittany admitted, "He's a jerk and an idiot, but he's also a good father and loving husband. I just couldn't resist when Daryl started paying attention to me. I couldn't leave Kevin, but I wanted Daryl, so I decided to...um...What's that thing where you try to have everything when you can't?"

"Having your cake and eating it too," said Quinn, "Brittany, you never should've cheated on Kevin in the first place. If you were disappointed, you should've tried to talk it out instead of banging another man on the side."

Brittany said nothing as she twirled her hair on her finger in a lame attempt to think.

Quinn said "Look, Brittany, you know my position on monogamy. You know I don't approve of what you've been doing these past nine years. Maybe last night is a sign. Maybe you should end things with Daryl and try to have a better marriage with Kevin."

Dismissive, Brittany said "Quinn, monogamy may work for you and Jim but it doesn't work for me, Kevin and Daryl."

Brittany then walked away as Quinn continued to try suspending her disbelief of the whole situation.

* * *

**Thompson house, later...**

Brittany had just finished making the bed when Kevin entered the bedroom.

"Hey, babe," said Kevin, "I'm, like, gonna watch the game at Jim's."

"Kevie," said Brittany, "Could you, like, stay the night there? I don't wanna get fat from the food I ate last night so I scheduled an all night workout with Daryl."

Suspecting nothing, Kevin said "Okay, babe. Have fun."

He was about to leave when a light bulb finally went off in his head. It only took him nine years to notice that something was off about all of this.

"Wait a minute!" said Kevin, "I just, like, realized something. Everytime I go somewhere you schedule a workout with Daryl."

Brittany sat down on the bed, more nervous than she'd ever been in her whole life. Kevin ran the previous nine years in his head, finally putting all of the pieces together. Sensing that the jig was up, Brittany resisted the urge to cry. Finally, Kevin reached his conclusion.

"I know what's going on," Kevin said, "I know why you always wanna exercise with Daryl when I'm not around. I, like, can't believe I didn't figure this out. It's like, so obvious."

Brittany was shaking like a leaf until...

"These workouts are actually a cry for my attention" said Kevin.

Brittany was simultaneously relieved and flabberghasted. Kevin STILL hadn't figured out that she and Daryl are having an affair.

Now morose, Kevin said "Aw, man! Every time you, like, want me what do I do? I pawn you off on Daryl so I can have my guy time."

Collapsing to his knees, Kevin said "God, I'm so selfish!"

Kevin proceeded to cry. Heartbroken (and guilt ridden) Brittany rushed over to her husband and wrapped her arms around him in an attempt to comfort him.

"Oh, Kevie," said Brittany as she fought back tears of her own, "This isn't your fault, it's my fault."

"N... _sob_...No, it isn't," said Kevin, "I, like, let you torture yourself for me and never notice. I...I totally take you for granite."

He clearly meant to say granted.

"Kevie, no" said Brittany.

Kevin said "I, like, totally don't deserve you."

Fighting back tears, Brittany said "Kevie, that's not true!" After a second, she added "Kevin, you're a kind, loving and VERY trusting man. I...I don't deserve you, babe. You...You deserve better than me. I..I love you!"

That made Kevin feel better.

"Like, are you an alien? 'Cause you just abducted my heart."

They looked into each others eyes and smiled. Then, they kissed. The kissing rapidly increased in both passion and intensity. Soon, they were taking each other's clothes off.

* * *

**Later...**

Jim was walking up to the Thompson's front door. He was about to ring the bell when Kevin suddenly answered, his clothes looking like they'd been thrown on in a hurry.

"Hey, Jim" said a very happy Kevin.

Jim said nothing, just stared in partial shock.

"What?" asked Kevin.

Pointing, Jim said "Your fly's open?"

Kevin looked down and saw that indeed it was. As he zipped his pants, he said "Thanks, man."

Jim said "Kevin, it's half time. I was starting to worry."

In truth, Jim was relieved when Kevin didn't show. By half time, however, he began to wonder if something bad happened so he came over to make sure everything was okay.

"Sorry, bro," said Kevin, "Guess I lost track of time."

Jim asked "Is everything okay?"

Smiling proudly, Kevin said "Everythings awesome, man! I just, like, totally got laid!"

Jim had a 'yeah, right' look on his face as he said "Who's the unlucky lady?"

"Brittany."

Jim's jaw fell open and his eyes nearly popped out of their sockets when Kevin said that.

"That's right, dude," Kevin bragged, "I missed the first half 'cause I was totally getting it on with my hottie of a wife."

Jim was too stunned to speak.

"I, like, owe you, man," said Kevin, "Ever since dinner at That's Amore Brit can't seem to keep her hands off me."

Jim, who was used to Kevin's wife treating him as persona non grata, continued trying to wrap his mind around what he was hearing.

**Meanwhile, inside...**

Brittany sat at the kitchen table and smiled warmly as she watched her husband chat with his friend from next door. Suddenly, she turned serious and picked up the house phone. After dialing she patiently listened to the ring tone. After three rings...

"Hello?" said Daryl on the other end of the line.

"Hey, Daryl. It's Brittany."

"What's going on?" Daryl asked.

Brittany took a breath to steel her nerves before answering.

"Listen, babe, about tonight. I have to cancel."

Daryl was surprised. In the course of their nine year affair this was the first time Brittany ever canceled a date. Regaining his footing, Daryl asked "Why? Did something come up?"

"No" said a nervous Brittany.

Daryl asked "Is this because I cancelled on you last night? Brittany, I...I had some stuff to take care of."

Brittany took another deep breath. "Daryl, I think we should break up."

Daryl gasped in shock. "Brittany," he said, "Wh...Why?"

"Look, Daryl," she explained, "Last night I realized why I stayed married to Kevie instead of just leaving him."

Daryl protested "You said you were just staying with him because of the kids."

"I thought I was," said Brittany, "But then I realized that I still love him. I love my Kevie and can't keep cheating on him."

"But, Brittany..."

Brittany cut him off.

"I'm sorry, Daryl, it's over."

She hung up before he could say anything that would change her mind.

* * *

**Quinn and Jim's house, the next afternoon...**

Quinn and Brittany were seated at the kitchen table. The kids were out with Jim walking their new dog, Stripe. On the way home from work Brittany decided to pay Quinn a visit. She'd just finished telling Quinn what happened.

"So" said Quinn, "Daryl's history?"

Nodding, Brittany said "I'm never cheating on my Kevie again."

"Glad you finally saw the light" said Quinn before thinking And it only took nine years.

"Quinn, thank you so much," said Brittany, "If you hadn't taken us to That's Amore I wouldn't have remembered just how much I still love my man."

Smiling, Quinn said "Glad to help."

Brittany said "We should double again. How about we go bowling tomorrow night?"

Quinn said "Okay."

Over the next two weeks Quinn and Jim double dating with Kevin and Brittany became a regular thing. Practically every other night the four of them would do something together. Each time, the evening ended with Kevin and Brittany making passionate love into the wee hours. Jim began to find it annoying before too long, however. Kevin and Brittany were so lovey-dovey with each other that it began to feel awkward being around them. Also, he was beginning to miss one on one dates with Quinn. It seemed that every time they went out Kevin and Brittany would tag along.

* * *

**Quinn and Jim's house, afternoon...**

Jim was mowing the lawn when something caught his eye. That something was Daryl's car pulling up to the Thompson house.

 _This is not good_ Jim thought as he shut off the mower and quickly walked over to intercept Daryl.

"Daryl, what are you doing?"

After a forlorn sigh, Daryl said "I...I wanted to talk to Brittany."

Fortunately, no one was home at the Thompsons at that time.

"She's not home," said Jim, "She and Kevin took the kids to that miniature golf place in Middlebury."

Daryl let out a heartbroken sigh. "She broke up with me" he said.

"I know," said Jim, "She and Kevin have been monopolizing my time with Quinn over the past two weeks."

After another sigh, Daryl said "I can't believe Brittany left me for that guy."

Jim proceeded to give him a reality check.

"Daryl, she didn't leave you for that guy. She married that guy seven years before she even met you."

Daryl had a pained expression, as if being reminded that Brittany was never truly his felt like a knife to the gut. Jim, despite his morals, couldn't help feeling a little sorry for the guy.

"Look" said Jim in a firm yet reassuring tone, "it's over between you and Brittany, you need to accept that. You were having an intimate relationship with a married woman, you had to know it couldn't last. Frankly, I'm surprised the affair went on as long as it did."

"Me too," Daryl admitted, "But I love her. I thought what Brittany and I had was real, that her marriage to Kevin was the fake relationship."

Jim said "I'm sure that was true, but not anymore. Eventually she had to choose between you and her husband, and she chose her husband. It'd be better if you just moved on. I know it's hard, but if you really love her you should let her be with the man she loves and let it go."

Daryl said "Jim, have you ever lost at love?"

"Many times," said Jim, "Granted, I've never been romantically involved with a married woman but that doesn't make an unanticipated break up any easier to deal with. We've all been there."

Daryl said nothing but looked thoughtful.

* * *

**A skating rink in Oakwood, the following evening...**

Jim and Quinn were on another double date with Kevin and Brittany. Quinn and Brittany were talking as they skated to the sound of "Never Give Up On The Good Times" by the Spice Girls.

_Never give up on the good times_   
_Gotta believe in the love you'll find_   
_Never give it up, no_   
_Never give it up, nooooo_

"Isn't this great?" said Quinn.

"Yeah!" said Brittany, "I don't even mind doing the right thing when it's this much fun!"

Meanwhile, Jim and Kevin were also talking. Fortunately, Jim was not going to mention that Daryl had made a visit the previous afternoon.

Kevin said "Dude, this is awesome! Thanks for taking us out again!"

"About that," said Jim, "You don't have to include me and Quinn everytime you go out. You and Brittany can have fun when it's just the two of you." Jim didn't want to say that he was getting tired of all the double-dates.

"I know that," said Kevin, "But me and Brit owe you guys. It's like we're back in high school."

"So" said Jim, "It doesn't bother you that everything you and Brittany do involves me and Quinn?"

Raising an eyebrow, Kevin said "Jim, are you saying what I think you're saying?"

Jim, hoping Kevin would take the hint and stop monopolizing his time with Quinn, nodded.

"Forget it, dude," Kevin said, "I don't share my babe with anyone!"

Raising an eyebrow himself, Jim said "What?"

"Duh, Jim," said Kevin, "You're trying to ask if me and Brittany wanna swing with you guys. Not happening!"

Shocked, Jim said "I don't wanna swing with you and Brittany! Quinn and I aren't into that sort of thing!"

Laughing, Kevin said "Too late, dude! It's out there. You, like, can't take it back now."

Jim let out a frustrated sigh.

* * *

**Quinn and Jim's house, later that same evening...**

Jim and Quinn were getting ready for bed.

"Quinn," said Jim, "Why do you keep including Kevin and Brittany in everything lately?"

Quinn said "Jim, after nine years of infidelity Brittany's finally doing right by her husband and kids. I'm just helping her stay on the straight and narrow."

"I know," said Jim, "Don't get me wrong. It's nice that their marriage is no longer crashing and burning, but when are these double dates gonna end? You know, Kevin actually thinks we wanna swing with him and Brittany."

"EWWW! No way!" said Quinn, "First off, we're totally monogamous. That's never been negotiable. Second, you fuck Brittany while I'm stuck doing Kevin! Who's the winner there? Kevin, that's who!"

* * *

**Later that night...**

Daryl was climbing the wall of the Thompsons house. Just like he had so many times over the previous nine years he was using a ladder to get to the master bedroom. He was carrying a bouqet of red roses. He reached the bedroom window, which Brittany never locked out of sheer habit, and proceeded to open it. Daryl then climbed in. What he saw made him drop the bouqet and gasp in shock. Both Kevin and Brittany were asleep in the bed, looking like they'd had some very passionate sex beforehand.

"What the hell!?"

The sound of his voice woke Brittany, but not Kevin. When Brittany saw Daryl, she let out a frightened "eep!"

That caused Kevin to wake up. As Brittany pretended to still be asleep Daryl ducked out of sight by quickly sliding under the bed.

Getting out of bed, Kevin yawned.

"I...I gotta take a leak."

Kevin made his way to the bathroom and locked the door behind him. Once he was gone Brittany stopped pretending to be asleep as Daryl emerged from his hiding place.

"Daryl," Brittany hissed, "What the hell are you doing here!?"

Daryl angrily asked "What was HE doing in your bed!? Please tell me he just had a bad dream."

"Dammit, Daryl," Brittany snapped, "I already told you we're done. He's my husband."

Calming down, Daryl said "Brittany, I miss you."

Brittany angrily said "Daryl, it's over! I love Kevin!"

"You said you loved me!" Daryl retorted.

"I do!" said Brittany, "But I also love my Kevie, and he had me first!"

Before the conversation could go any further Daryl felt a table lamp shatter over the back of his head. Instantly losing consciousness, he fell to the floor with a thud. Brittany gasped in horror.

"DARYL! NO!"

Standing over the unconscious Daryl was an enraged Kevin.

**To be continued...**


	17. Chapter 17

**Kevin and Brittany's bedroom, night...**

Brittany was horrified. She'd recently ended her extramarital affair with Daryl after deciding that she still loved Kevin. Unable to accept that it's over, Daryl snuck into the house with a bouquet of roses in a poorly thought out attempt to win Brittany back. While Kevin was usuing the bathroom he and Brittany got into an argument that abruptly ended with Kevin sneaking up on Daryl and smashing a lamp over his head, knocking him out. Now, a horrified Brittany watched as her visibly enraged husband stood over her unconscious former lover with a broken table lamp in one hand.

"DARYL! NO!"

Kevin's enraged expression suddenly changed into one of pure shock.

"DARYL!?!"

He turned on the ceiling light, confirming that the intruder was indeed Daryl Johnson.

"OH, MAN!" Kevin exclaimed.

It was at this point that a nervous and confused Brittany got out of bed and asked "Um...Did you hear anything interesting?" As she did, she discreetly kicked the bouquet under the bed.

"No," said a horrified Kevin, "I thought he was a burgler, so I hit him with the lamp to stop him from, like, raping you or something. I, like, swear to Joe Paterno I didn't know it was Daryl."

It was at this point that Daryl regained consciousness.

"Owww...my head!"

Rubbing the back of his head, Daryl stood up.

"Oh, man," said Kevin, "Dude, I'm, like, sorry. I didn't know it was you. Oh, God, please don't, like, sue us or something!"

Daryl glared angrily at Kevin.

"Bro, I'm sorry!" Kevin said. A second later, Kevin realized something. "Like, what are you doing here so late, man?"

Before Daryl could answer, Brittany blurted out "He stopped by to deliver...um...THE BILL...Yes, the bill for last months workouts."

Kevin, of course, bought this totally unbelieveable explanation.

"Oh, dude! Daryl, I'm so sorry!"

Ignoring him and looking straight at Brittany, Daryl growled "No, I'm sorry!"

He then angrily made his way to the window and started to climb out.

"DARYL, WAIT!" Brittany called out.

Daryl ignored her and continued down the latter. As he ran to his car Brittany ran to the window. "DARYL, I'M SORRY!!" she called out as he angrily drove off.

"Like, why are you apologizing, babe?" asked Kevin, "I'm the one who hit him upside the head."

* * *

**The next morning...**

Brittany sat alone in the kitchen feeling intensly guilty. _Why do I have to love them both?_ she silently asked herself. _Why can't I just, like, love one and kick the other one to the burb, or whatever?_ After a guilt ridden sigh, Brittany picked up the phone and dialed a number.

**Meanwhile, on Dega Street...**

Daryl was sitting alone in his apartment holding an ice pack on his head when the phone rang. After a frustrated sigh, he answered.

"Hello?"

On the other end, Brittany said "Daryl, I, like, wanna apologize for what Kevie did last night."

"Brittany," Daryl growled, "After last night I don't wanna talk to you!"

He was about to hang up when...

"DARYL, NO!"

Against his better judgment, Daryl brought the phone back to his ear.

"Daryl," said Brittany, "I...I still love you!"

Indignant, Daryl said "Yet, you won't leave your husband for me."

"I love him too," Brittany protested, "I can't help it. I love both of you."

"With all due respect" Daryl snarled, "screw you! I'm thirty-three years old, I don't need this crap in my life anymore!"

With that, he angrily hung up.

**Back at the Thompson house...**

Brittany was placing the phone back on the reciever when Kevin entered the kitchen.

"Were you calling Daryl?"

Brittany nodded.

"I wanted to apologize for last night."

"Why?" asked Kevin, "You, like, didn't do anything wrong. I'm the one who needs to apologize to him."

"KEVIE, NO!" Brittany shouted in panic. Grabbing her husband, she said "Please...PLEASE...promise me you won't go see him!"

"But, like, babe," said Kevin, "I knocked him out with a lamp. After, like, everything he did for us. Like, all those nights he, like, spent training you here when he coulda been off doing something else. Or, like, all those times he took you to the gym instead of letting you be with me just to make you look hot for me. Or the time he helped me change the kids diapers, or the time he taught them how to tie their shows because I, like, can never remember how. He did so much for me and I, like, pay him back by busting his head. I owe him."

"Babe," said an almost teary eyed Brittany, "Please don't see him, don't call him, don't have, like, any contact with Daryl. Just, like, let him go, for me."

Kevin didn't even think to question why Brittany suddenly wanted Daryl gone as he remained blissfully unaware of the true nature of his wife's relationship with her now former personal trainer.

"Like, okay, babe. For you. I love you, Brittany."

Both relieved and touched, Brittany said "I love you, Kevie."

With that, they kissed.

* * *

**An apartment building on Dega Street, the next day...**

Kevin was making his way to Daryl's apartment down the hall.

_Like, it's a good thing Brit bought my excuse about a clown gig. I know she doesn't want me seeing Daryl, but I can't let this go. Not after everything he's done._

Kevin knocked on the door to Daryl's apartment. A moment later, the door opened.

"What do you want?" asked an irritated Daryl.

"Look, bro," said Kevin, "I, like, need to talk to you."

Daryl was about to slam the door in Kevin's face when he realized something. He realized that, against all odds, Kevin still didn't know that Daryl's spent the previous nine years nailing his wife. Kevin also didn't know that one of the kids was actually Daryl's. Daryl's anger began to rapidly subside as he realized that Kevin hitting him with a lamp was nothing compared to what all he's done to Kevin over the years. At the very least, Kevin should know that Daryl's not the trustworthy guy he thinks he is.

"You're right, Kevin," said Daryl, "We do need to straighten some things out." After a pause, he added "A lot of things, actually. Please, come in."

Clueless, Kevin said "Cool!"

Kevin entered the apartment, after which Daryl closed the door behind him.

"Nice place" said Kevin.

Getting right to the point, Daryl said "Look, Kevin, I need to tell you some things. These things aren't gonna be easy for you to hear, but I need to...well, let's just say I need to confess my sins."

Missing the point, Kevin said "I didn't know you were Catholic."

"I'm not," said Daryl, "Look, sometimes in life things just happen. You don't mean for them to happen, but they happen just the same."

"I know," said Kevin, "Sorry about the lamp thing."

Trying to hide his frustration over Kevin's painfully slow thought process, Daryl said "Look, Kevin, I need to tell you something. Nine years ago I recieved a client. A big breasted blonde. She wanted my help losing some post-pregnancy wieght, and even through the excess belly fat I could tell that she was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen."

Failing to make the connection, Kevin said "That's kinda messed up, dude. I mean, this chick sounds like Brit after the twins and we both know her body was disgusting until you whipped her back into shape."

Fighting the urge to tell Kevin that Brittany was the woman in question, Daryl said "Look, to me she was beautiful. Under my fitness program she went from post-partum to physical perfection in just a few short weeks. Then, then the sexual tension started."

"I don't know how you do it, man," Kevin interrupted, "Like, if I was a fitness coach I'd bang every woman I turn back into a hottie."

After a frustrated groan, Daryl said "Look, I'd fallen for this woman and I could tell she was falling for me too. The problem was that she was already married. Still, we grew close. One thing led to another and soon I was hooking up with another man's wife."

"Dude!" said Kevin, "Like, she must've been even hotter than Brittany!"

Daryl groaned in frustration.

"Kevin, she WAS...Well, what I'm trying to say is...um...you see..."

Failing to understand what Daryl was trying to say, Kevin said "Dude, it's cool. I get it. I kicked your ass and you feel a little weird about it."

Frustrated, Daryl growled "Kevin, you didn't kick my ass. You snuck up on me and smashed a lamp over my head."

"I know," said Kevin, "Why don't I give you a free shot?" Standing up, Kevin said "Come on, dude, punch me."

Daryl rolled his eyes.

"You're kidding!"

"Come on, man," said Kevin, "I hit you with a lamp. It's, like, only fair if you punch me in the face."

Daryl stood up and seriously considered hitting Kevin. Not only was Kevin an annoying idiot but Daryl was still pissed about having a lamp smashed upside his head the other night. Thinking of this, Daryl realized something else. Kevin had Brittany while he no longer did. Even if they got back together, Daryl knew, he'd most likely always have to share Brittany with Kevin. That caused a jealous rage to rise up in Daryl and make his blood boil. He balled up a fist and prepared to strike when his more rational side kicked in. Would punching Kevin really accomplish anything? Would it make Brittany any more likely to take Daryl back? Realizing the answer was no, Daryl calmed down and decided not to hit Kevin after all. He doubted that he'd even recieve momentary satisfaction from punching Kevin.

"Who am I kidding?" Daryl said with a sigh, "Hitting you won't change anything."

Daryl sat down and fought the urge to cry.

"I'd still be living alone in this shithole of an apartment, no family, no woman, no real friends. My life sucks."

Also sitting down, Kevin asked "Like, what do you mean?"

Daryl decided to come clean with Kevin, not about Brittany but other things that had been bothering him lately.

"One-hundred and fifty-three years," said Daryl, who in case no one remembers is black, "It's been 153 years since my people were delivered from bondage and I still can't escape that shit."

Missing the point, Kevin asked "Is that, like, an S and M thing?"

Through gritted teeth, Daryl said "I was talking about slavery. It's been one-hundred and fifty-three years since Lincoln freed the slaves. You'd think after that long it wouldn't affect me anymore, but it does."

"Like, what are you talking about, dude?" asked Kevin.

Daryl admitted "The reason I cancelled that da...workout session two weeks ago was that I had a dinner meeting with my lawyer. You know, my parents both died recently."

Placing a sympathetic hand on Daryl's shoulder, Kevin said "I'm, like, sorry, man."

Touched by the sincerity, Daryl said "Fifteen years ago my parents tracked down the family that owned my ancestors. They live in Middlebury. They asked for reparations, but the family said no. My parents have been trying to sue them ever since. We weren't asking for anything outrageous, just a little money that those rich assholes won't even miss, but they keep fighting us on the issue. My parent's dying wish was that I carry on the struggle. That's why I blew your wife off to meet with a lawyer."

Confused, Kevin asked "Like, what?"

Rolling his eyes, Daryl said "My family used to work for the family that I'm suing. They owe us money and I'm trying to figure out if I have a case."

Surprisingly, Kevin gets it.

"Dude, like when NFL players sue team owners for back pay?"

Nodding, Daryl said "Yes, Kevin. That's exactly what this is like."

Smiling, Kevin said "Like, let me help ya, dude."

Daryl replied "No offense, Kevin, but I REALLY don't think you can help me."

"Doesn't mean I won't try" Kevin said with a shrug.

Standing up, Daryl said "Okay". Pointing to a high stack of documents, Daryl said "You read half and I'll read half. Maybe one of us will find something I can use."

Now horrified at the prospect of reading something, Kevin said "AW, MAN!"

Daryl was instantly disappointed.

Seeing the disappointed look, Kevin said "It's cool, man. I'll still do it 'cause, like, it's the right thing to do."

Visibly touched, Daryl said "Thanks."

* * *

**Several hours later...**

Kevin and Daryl were still going through legal documents.

"Man," said Kevin, "This is, like, totally confusing. I just read this part about some judge saying something about some right to sue for.." He squinted as he tried to read a word. "...ree-pair-...repair actions?"

Standing up, Daryl asked "Where?"

Holding up the document he was trying to read, Kevin said "Like, right here, bro."

Daryl looked at the part of the document Kevin was trying to read. As he read it himself a huge smile formed on Daryl's face.

"Kevin, according to this in the State Of Maryland the decendants of slaves do have the right to sue for reparations and the decendants of slave owners have an obligation to pay whatever amount the court rules!"

Confused, Kevin said "Um...What?"

Smiling excitedly, Daryl said "It says I'm entitled to money from the family I'm trying to sue."

Now smiling, Kevin said "So, like, I did good?"

Daryl said "No one's ever done as much for me as you just did. Kevin, thank you so much!"

"No problem, man."

"You know," said Daryl, "All this work on my behalf, and you're not even African American."

Kevin said "Like, isn't it time we get past our differences." Standing up and extending a hand, Kevin added "Like, on behalf of us white dudes I'd like to personally apologize for everything my people have done to your people."

Very touch by the sentiment, Daryl stood up and said "And, Kevin, I'd like to personally apologize for everything that I've done to you."

They shook hands.

**Meanwhile, at the lake...**

Quinn and Jim were on a paddle boat shaped like a swan while a very pissed off Brittany was alone on her paddle boat. Kevin, in his eagerness to help Daryl, had forgotten about a double date they had planned for that day. The plan was to go out on the lake. Not only was it romantic but, since it's late October in Maryland, the foliage added an extra ambiance. Kevin had covered his visit to Daryl by claiming that he had a clown gig in the morning but was free in the afternoon. Now, the sun was starting to set and he still hadn't shown up.

"I don't freaking believe this!" Brittany fumed as she sat alone in her paddle boat.

Quinn and Jim were paddling alongside.

"I'm sure he didn't mean to stand you up" Quinn said reassuringly.

Added Jim "Yeah, he probably just forgot."

"That doesn't help," said Brittany through gritted teeth, "Now I remember why I cheated in the first place!"

Worried, Quinn said "Brittany, come on! You and Kevin were doing so well."

"DAMMIT, QUINN!" Brittany yelled, "This is why I need two men in my life...ONE'S ALWAYS LETTING ME DOWN!!"

"Brittany," Quinn protested, "You can't go back to Daryl just because of one little screw up."

"I can and I will!" Brittany sharply retorted.

Quinn said "Brittany, haven't you heard the saying two's company, three's a crowd?"

Beginning to paddle towards the shore, Brittany said "No, but, like, I've heard another saying: the heart wants what the heart wants!"

As Brittany left in a huff Quinn and Jim sat there looking dismayed.

* * *

**Daryl's apartment, later...**

Kevin and Daryl were sitting on the couch swapping stories over beer.

"You're kidding!" said Daryl with a laugh.

"Nope," Kevin replied, "Joey, Jeffy and whatshisname really were, like, beating each other up over Quinn. Then, like, the cops came and broke up Brit's party."

Before the conversation could continue there was a knock on the door. Daryl got up and grabbed his wallet.

"Pizza's on me."

Daryl went to answer the door. He was shocked to find that it wasn't someone delivering a pizza, but Brittany.

"Br...Brittany!?"

"Oh, Daryl," said Brittany, "I've made a huge mistake. I, like, had it all, then, like, threw half away. I...I want it all again."

Suddenly, Kevin came to the door. He was just as shocked when he saw Brittany standing there.

"Babe!"

Brittany was equally shocked.

"KEVIE!"

They both asked the exact same question at the exact same time.

"What are you doing here!?!"

Kevin answered first.

"Look, babe, I know you didn't want me talking to Daryl, but, like, not apoligizing for the lamp thing just felt wrong. I...I didn't really have a clown gig. Sorry!"

Daryl said "Kevin actually helped me find a loophole in state law that allows me to sue former slave owners for reparations. I...I really didn't think I'd ever see you again, Brittany."

Brittany said "Um...yeah."

Kevin asked "So, like, what's up, babe?"

Brittany instantly came up with an excuse.

"Like, I...um...My weight!...Yeah, I started feeling a little fat so I was hoping Daryl would fu...TRAIN...me again!"

Kevin suddenly face palmed himself as he remembered something.

"AW, MAN...THE SWAN BOATS!!! I, like, totally forgot about that! Now you're feeling bad about your body and it's all my fault!"

Kevin turned to Daryl.

"Like, your workouts are why my wife's still hot at, like, forty."

Irritated, Brittany said "I'm thirty-six."

Kevin said "Man, nine years of coach-trainee relations and I go and smash it like a cheap lamp. I can't fix that lamp. I, like, tried and got a really bad shock. Maybe I can get you two back together."

Kevin then turned to Daryl.

"Whaddaya say, buddy? Will you train my wife again?"

Daryl didn't even hesitate in his answer.

"No."

Kevin was shocked. Offended, he said "No!? After everything I, like, did for you today!? You...you...YOU UNGRATE!"

Not bothering to correct him, Daryl said "Kevin, you don't understand! Today you did more for me in a few hours than anyone's done for me in my whole life. I consider you a true friend now. For me to continue seeing your wife would be...well...unprofessional." That's his story and he's sticking with it.

Wiping a stray tear from her cheek, Brittany said "I...I understand."

Daryl said "Kevin's a good man, Brittany. He may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but he'd do anything for the people he cares about. I think that's what you really need."

Seemingly unaware that he's witnessing a breakup, Kevin said "Well, I can train you, babe. I, like, may not be a pro trainer, but I think I've walked in on you guys often enough to know how it's done."

"Oh, Kevie!" said Brittany as she threw her arms around him, "I love you so much!"

Returning the hug, Kevin said "I love you too, babe."

Daryl was visibly moved by the display. As much as he'd miss hooking up with Brittany, and as awkward as it was to now be friends with her husband, Daryl had no doubt that this was all for the best.

* * *

**The hallway, a short time later...**

Kevin and Brittany were walking hand in hand as they started to make their way home.

"Babe," said Kevin, "I, like, gotta know something."

"Okay."

Kevin said "Well, like, I was getting a weird vibe in there and it, like, got me thinking."

Brittany was suddenly nervous. Had Kevin finally figured out what she and Daryl were really up to all those years?

Continuing, Kevin said "Like, Daryl acts all weird when I'm around and, like, when he doesn't know I'm there I've seen how he is with you. Brittany, I have to know something and, like, I want the truth."

Brittany was now shaking like a leaf.

"Um...o...okay."

Kevin proceeded to ask the question.

"Daryl's gay, isn't he?"

Words can't describe the relief Brittany felt.

**To be continued...**


	18. Chapter 18

**2019...**

Quinn was walking through Lawndale Mall with her three sons, Tommy, Timmy and Teddy. The triplets were all now five years old and had just finished pre-school. To celebrate, Quinn decided to take them shopping and then to Pizza Forest. Her husband, Jim, was filming a test drive video in another town but would be at Pizza Forest to meet them in a while. Quinn looked dismayed as she saw all the vacant stores.

Lawndale had been in a state of general decline for a while at this point. The town never recovered from the blow to property values dealt by the 2007-2009 recession. This led to a period of prolonged, gradual decline. The falling property values meant that as more people left the ones who came tended to be of a dicey sort. This led to rising crime that had actually accelerated the town's decline in recent years. Businesses started to leave, and nowhere was that more apparent than at Lawndale Mall as more stores left the increasingly blighted Lawndale for Oakwood. Oakwood, in contrast to Lawndale, was becoming more and more cosmopolitan as the people leaving Lawndale increasingly settled there,increasing both that town's population, tax base and standard of living as all three continued to decline in Lawndale while crime rose in Lawndale and fell in Oakwood.

 _This town's turning into another Highland, TX_ Quinn thought as she walked her boys through the now sparsely populated mall. Finally, they reached their destination. Quinn was dismayed to find Cashman's was closed.

"What the hell!?!"

The sign on the closed store entrance read as follows...

"WE'VE MOVED!

Come shop at our new location at Oakwood Town Center!"

"You've gotta be kidding me!" said Quinn with an eye roll.

* * *

 **Quinn and Jim's house, evening**...

The day hadn't been a total disappointment. Quinn and Jim were still able to deliver on the promise to take the boys to Pizza Forest, though they had to go to the one in Oakwood because the Lawndale location had recently gone out of business. Quinn sighed.

"What's wrong, babe?" asked Jim.

Quinn said "I've just been thinking of how this town has changed in the last twenty years. Back in the 90's the mall was always full of people and every space had a store in it. Now, the mall's a freaking ghost town. Most of the nice stores have left and the few still there are barely hanging on."

Jim said "I know what you mean. When I first moved to the area back in '04 Lawndale was a vibrant, upper middle class suburb. Now, it's an economically depressed, crime ridden cesspool."

Quinn said "It's actually starting to remind me of Highland."

"God help us if we ever get our own version of Beavis and Butt-Head" said Jim.

For those who don't know, Jim actually met the dysfunctional duo once. It happened ten years prior. He and Quinn were going to California to visit his brother for Christmas when car trouble left them stranded in Highland, TX of all places. While there, they actually ran into Beavis and Butt-Head.

Jim said "You know, Quinn, maybe we should consider leaving Lawndale. Most of our friends already have."

"Jim," said Quinn, "It's not that simple for me. I actually have a lot of sentimental value attached to this town. Some of the happiest memories I have happened here."

Jim countered with "Quinn, that was then. Now, Lawndale's not so nice."

"It could come back" said Quinn.

Jim replied "Quinn, we both know that's not going to happen. The kids just started school at a place where the rest of the student body are either future gang members or idiots on a level that makes the Thompsons look like brains. Not only that, but on my way out of town to make that demonstration video I had to run three red lights just to avoid being car jacked. Why do you think we keep both cars in the garage now, instead of out on the driveway like we used to?"

Quinn looked thoughtful for a moment. Finally, she said "Jim, I'm just not ready to uproot this whole family."

Jim sighed. He knew how stubborn his wife could be when she made up her mind, a trait he further knew she'd inherited from her mother.

* * *

**Cresthaven Retirement Community, West Palm Beach, FL...**

Jake and Helen were watching the news in their condo before calling it a night. The condo was small and the neighbors were clearly of a more blue collar background, but that didn't matter to them. Jake and Helen were rich, not top one percent but still quite well off compared to most other people, and could have easily afforded a luxury condo by the ocean in Palm Beach, Ft. Lauderdale, Boca Raton or even Miami. However, they traveled frequently and therefore decided to hold onto their money. A small one bedroom in a lower middle class retirement community was all they needed. Anything more would've been just a frivilrous luxury. Besided, living in such a spartan setting not only left more money to support Jake and Helen's globe-hopping lifestyle but also more money to leave to the kids and grandkids.

As they watched the news something caught Helen's attention.

"This is Tom Tucker with an ANN exclusive on suburban blight. Fifty years ago American's fled the city for the suburbs. Over the past two decades, however, that trend has reversed itself. The gentrification of Urban America has led Americans to increasingly abandon suburbia. The trend can be seen everywhere. In one such community we have Asian Correspondent Tricia Takanawa."

The TV cut to a Japanese woman reporting from in front of a house that Jake and Helen both recognized.

"Thank you, Tom. I'm standing in front of 1111 Glen Oaks Drive in Lawndale Maryland. In the 1990's Lawndale was a posh upper middle class suburb who's residents had come to largely to flee the crime and poverty of nearby Baltimore. Today, however, the trend has reversed itself. Since the 2008 financial meltdown destroyed property values Lawndale has been increasingly beset by rising crime an poverty rates."

Smiling, Jake said "Hey, the old house!" He then noticed something. "Was it always that run down?"

"Hush, Jake," said Helen, "I'm trying to listen."

On TV, Tricia said "The house behind me was recently the scene of a double homicide during a home invasion robbery."

"Oh, my!" said Helen.

The TV cut to Tricia in Hyde Hills office park.

"The buildings here are vacant, and have been for some time now. The first business to leave was Morgendorffer Consulting, which was a casualty of the recession in 2009. The last was a dentist office that the police seized by federal agents two years ago after discovering it now served as a front for a drug lab." The TV cut to Allen Street, sight of the homecoming parades. "The high school has long since ceased to have parades here due to safety concerns." The TV cut to a shot of Lawndale High. The school now had razor wire topped chain link fences, guard towers and metal detectors. "The school has been forced to grow more intensive with it's security due to ever increasing violent crime in the area."

Helen couldn't help laughing at the irony as she remembered Ms. Li's obsession with security. Now, however, the security was actually needed and not just a product of administrative paranoia. Soon, she became concerned.

_I worry about Quinn. She insists on staying because of nostalgia when it would be better for the boys if she and Jim left, like everyone else has._

* * *

**Quinn and Jim's house, the next day...**

Quinn was in the home office doing some paperwork when the phone rang. She answered.

"Hello?" Her face suddenly lit up. "Hi, Mom!"

On the other end, Helen said "Hello, sweetie. How are you?"

"We're all good, Mom," Quinn replied, "The boys are playing video games while Jim's at the hardware store. I'm just paying some bills. How are you?"

"We're good," said Helen, "Your fathers at a travel agency trying to figure out where we're going to go during the summer. We were thinking a Viking cruise through the heart of Europe."

"That's nice" said Quinn.

Helen turned serious. "Listen, Quinn, I saw something on the news last night, a story about suburban decline. The town featured was Lawndale."

Suddenly uncomfortable, Quinn said "I see."

Helen said "It caused your father and I to worry about you. Do you remember why we left Highland?"

Stifling a shudder, Quinn said "That town was a crime ridden cesspit. I never understood why you and Dad moved there in the first place."

"Actually," Helen explained, "Highland was a lot nicer when we first moved there. In fact, Highland in the 70's was a lot like Lawndale in the 90's. Then the Texas oil boom went bust. Highland became progressively poorer and poorer. This led to more crime and less opportunity. By the 90's it had gotten so bad that your father and I decided to leave. Now, the same thing's happened to Lawndale."

Patient, Quinn said "Mom, I have too many fond memories of Lawndale to just take off."

With a sigh, Helen said "I felt the same way about Highland. That's why your father and I didn't leave sooner. Eventually, you have to face facts. Quinn, all of your friends have left, the schools are in shambles and the town is increasingly dangerous. Lawndale's no longer a decent place to raise a family."

"Muh-ohm," Quinn protested, "I'm not moving to South Florida."

"I didn't say you should," Helen replied, "While I'd like it if you lived closer I really just think you, Jim and the boys would be better off living someplace else."

Quinn said "I...I'll think about it, Mom."

Knowing her daughter wouldn't commit to more than that, Helen said "Thanks, sweetie. That's all I ask."

* * *

**Meanwhile, at Deuce Hardware...**

Jim was at the checkout line with a brand new power drill. The salesperson, a now seventeen year old Ultra Thompson, was ringing him up. Ultra was the spitting image of Kevin at that age.

"Hey, Mr. Carbone" said Ultra.

Jim asked "How's school?"

Ultra said "Can't wait til football season starts again!"

"What about academics?" asked Jim.

Dismissive, Ultra said "Like, why would I need to, like, know stuff? I'm the QB."

Jim rolled his eyes. Not only did Ultra have his father's looks, he also had his father's brains. What neither Jim nor Ultra noticed was one of the other customers, a black kid dressed in gang colors, was rapidly approaching the counter.

"Yo, whitey's," said the kid as he pulled out a gun, "GIMMIE ALL YO' MONEY!!"

Before either Jim or Ultra could react, a Latin American kid aimed a gun at the black kid.

"HEY, THIS BE MY SCORE, FOOL!" shouted the second armed robber, "YOU POACHIN' ON LOS LOBOS TURF, ESE!"

A third gang member, this one a white kid with Nazi tattoos, aimed a gun at both the black and the Mexican.

"HEY, THIS IS MY SCORE!!! YOU'RE ON PROUD BOYS' TURF!!!"

Jim and Ultra quietly slipped away while the three guys from different gangs began shooting at each other.

* * *

**The street, a short time later...**

Jim has since upgraded his car. He still drove a Camaro, but now it was a blue 2017 ZL1 instead of a silver 2010 SS. He was relieved that the would be robbers were too busy trying to kill each other to notice both himself and Ultra slip out the door. Ultra made his way to his car, a fully restored 1979 Trans Am, and sped off after that. Jim did the same thing in his top end Camaro. As Jim drove home he made mental notes of his surroundings, something he'd been increasingly in the habit of doing as Lawndale grew increasingly poor and blighted.

_I can't believe how much this town has changed in just a few short years. It looks more and more like where Quinn's originally from._

Jim had only been to Highland once. It happened when he and Quinn drove to California to spend Christmas with his brother. Car trouble had forced them to stop in Highland and Jim was dismayed by how poor, run down and crime ridden that town was. It was no surprise that the Morgendorffer's eventually left. Now, he'd witnessed the same thing happen to Lawndale. The town had gone from upper middle class suburb to suburban ghetto in just a few shot years. At one intersection, Jim witnessed what he was pretty sure was a drug deal going down in the parking lot in front of Food Lord. When he passed by the mall he saw two gangs shooting at each other. He frowned as he passed by reminders of why he never left the house without a gun anymore. Jim was no killer, but the way things were going he knew it was just a matter of time until he found himself in a situation where the only alternative to killing would be dying.

* * *

**Quinn and Jim's house, a short time later...**

As Jim closed the garage Quinn looked at the smashed windows on his Camaro and gasped.

"My God, Jim! What happened?"

Jim said "Attempted carjacking...again."

Quinn ran up to her husband and threw her arms around him.

"Thanks God you're alright!"

Holding his wife, Jim said "I really think it's time to move."

After a second of holding each other, Quinn and Jim entered the house. As they walked down the hallway they started talking.

"Jim," she said, "You're just saying that because of what happened."

"Quinn," Jim replied, "It's not the first time I fought off an attempted violent crime and, if we stay, it won't be the last either."

Quinn said "Jim, this town's going through a tough time. I don't wanna make it worse by moving away."

"Your sense of civic duty is admirable, Quinn," said Jim, "But I narrowly escaped an armed robbery at Deuce's only to face an attempted car jacking on the way home."

As they reached the living room both Quinn and Jim sat down on the couch.

"Jim," said Quinn, "It's rough, but you know how I feel. How would it look if we just left?"

Jim said "It would look like we're doing what's best for our family. I don't want our kids growing up in a place where they're most likely to end up running with some gang."

"I don't want that either," said Quinn, "But this place has so many fond memories." Deciding to change the subject, she added "Besides, I think Lawndale might be about to turn the corner. A new family moved in across the street. I saw the truck."

Jim said "And you're mentioning this because...?"

Quinn admitted "I'm hoping they're a sign that Lawndale's about to turn around and become a nice place again."

Just then, the door bell rang. Both Quinn and Jim got up to answer. As Quinn opened the door she gasped in horror.

"Uh...huh-huh...Whoa!...huh-huh...A chick!...Uh, huh-huh...Hey, baby!"

Yes, it's Butt-Head.

"Oh...my...GOD!" gasped a horrified Quinn.

"Uh...huh-huh...I'm, like, your new neighbor...huh-huh..." said Butt-Head.

At this point, his roommate approached.

"Heh-heh...Hey, Butt-Head," said Beavis, "Ummm...hmm-hmm..." He saw Quinn. "Whoa! A hot chick! he-heh..Boi-oi-oi-oing!...heh-heh.."

"Shut up, buttmunch!" said Butt-Head, "She's, like, mine...huh-huh..."

Quinn slammed the door shut in there faces.

"Jim, we're moving!"

**To be continued...**


	19. Chapter 19

**Daria's apartment in Hell's Kitchen, NYC, evening...**

Daria was seated at her desk typing while her cat, Godzilla, was off to the side grooming himself when the phone rang. She immediately answered.

"Daria's Barbecue Pit, you kill it we grill it."

On the other end, Quinn said "Hey, sis."

"Hi, Quinn. What's going on?"

Quinn asked "How would you feel if Jim, the kids and I lived withing commuting distance instead of four hours away?"

"Like I'm having a nightmare" said Daria in her trademark deadpan.

"Daria!" said a hurt sounding Quinn.

"Sorry, habit," said Daria, "It'd actually be nice to be able to see you, Jim and the boys any time I want instead of having to plan a vacation around it. Why?"

Quinn explained "Jim and I have finally given up on Lawndale. We figure since you, Jane, Nicole, Jamie, Sandi and Tom all live in the area New York would be the ideal place to go."

"I see," said Daria, "I take it you miss everyone now that we've all left Lawndale one by one."

Quinn said "Yes. Add to that the fact that Lawndale's becoming worse. It's run down, it's got a rising violent crime rate and everyone just seems to get stupider and stupider."

"Remind's me of Highland" Daria remarked.

"You're more right than you know," said Quinn, "The last straw was our newest neighbors, a pair of single guys who are roommates. You know them."

Stifling a shudder, Daria said "Are these guys who I think they are?"

"Yes," said Quinn, "Beavis and Butt-Head have come to Lawndale. On top of everything else, I now have those two...shudder...things as neighbors."

Daria said "And thus Lawndale's transformation into the kind of town we fled is complete."

Quinn replied "Mom said something similar. She said Highland in the 70's was like Lawndale in the 90's."

"I can see that," said Daria, "Highland's economy was largely based in the oil business, which was booming in the 70's because of the gas shortage. The problem was that oil prices peaked in 1981, then spent the rest of the 80's falling and remained depressed throughout the 90's. Highland was one of the towns devastated by this decline, turning it into the cesspit we remember. The same thing has now happened to Lawndale, a town who's economic prosperity owed to a boom in banking and real estate that lasted from the early 80's to the mid 2000's. With the collapse of the financial sector in 2007 and 2008 came an abrupt end to Lwandale's glory days."

"God, that's such a brain thing to say" Quinn playfully teased.

"Well," Daria replied in an equally playful tone, "That's how it is."

Getting back to the matter at hand, Quinn said "Daria, the reason I'm calling is.."

Daria cut her off.

"Quinn, while you're more than welcome to stay while you house hunt there's one problem. My apartment's a small one bedroom. If you bring Jim and the kids it might get uncomfortably crowded."

"I know," said Quinn, "That's why Jim's staying in Lawndale to sell our house while the kids and I stay with Nicole and Jamie in Glenville. Besides, Teddy needs to socialize more and Rachel seems to be the only person his age that he gets along with."

Daria could see that. While Teddy reminded her of herself she could see a lot of Jane-like personality traits in Nicole and Jamie's daughter. Daria attributed this to the fact that Nicole, who's Jane's business partner and frequent collaborator, frequently brings Rachel to work with her. Jane's relationship with Rachel is similar to Daria's relationship with her aunt Amy as a result.

"Look," said Quinn, "The reason I'm calling is that I was hoping we could catch up while I'm here."

Daria smiled.

"Deal."

* * *

**Lawndale, the next day...**

Jim was at the front door of the Thompson's house ringing the bell. Kevin answered.

"Hey, Jim."

"Hi, Kevin," said Jim, "Listen, Quinn and I have decided to move."

"Why?" asked Kevin, "Lawndale's awesome!"

Jim rolled his eyes. Of course Kevin's too stupid to see what a hell hole it's become. This owed primarily to the fact that Kevin ignores reality so he doesn't have to face the fact that he peaked in high school.

"Um...yeah," said Jim, "Listen, there are some things you can do to help us sell our house."

"Uhhhh...Okay."

"One" said Jim, "when you walk by an open window could you please wear a shirt and pants."

Clearly not paying attention, Kevin said "Um...okay!"

"Second," said Jim as he pointed to a row of rotten pumpkins on the porch, "Please take in your Jack O Laterns from past Halloweens."

"Okay!"

Jim then pointed to a trash can on the curb. A black bear was eating out of it.

"And cover your damn garbage. It's attracting wildlife."

Kevin ran towards the bear.

"HEY, GET OFF MY PROPERTY!"

The bear stopped eating garbage and looked at Kevin.

"YEAH, LIKE, GET LOST!"

The bear did nothing.

Moving up close in a threatening posture, Kevin shouted "GET!!!!"

All this did was make the bear angry. It stood on it's hind legs.

"ROOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!"

Kevin froze with fear.

"eep!"

The bear got back on all fours and charged at Kevin.

"AHHHHH!"

Kevin and Jim both ducked into the house and slammed the door shut.

 _God_ Jim thought, _What did I do in a past life to deserve this shit?_

* * *

**Meanwhile, in Glenville...**

Glenville was a middle to upper-middle class suburb on Long Island that was very similar to Lawndale back in the 90's. Jamie and Nicole's house was a two-story Victorian imitation on the outside, though the inside made clear that it was originally a hunting lodge. The living room was a massive space. While Tommy and Timmy played on the floor Teddy and Rachel watched with disdain. Rachel was now five, like Quinn's sons. She had her father's Northern European skin tone and nose, but her mother's black hair and East Asian eyes. While this combination seemed like nothing special now it was clear to all the adults that Rachel would be considered an exotic beauty ten years down the road.

As the kids played Quinn and Nicole were on the couch talking.

"I'm glad you guys are moving to the area," said Nicole, "I've missed you these past eight years."

Nodding, Quinn said "I've missed you too, Nicole." Moving on to the matter at hand, Quinn explained "So, anyway, I'm meeting with the realtor tomorrow. Hopefully, I can find a place close by."

"Did you see the For Sale sign on the red-brick Colonial next door?" Nicole asked.

Nodding, Quinn said "I'd be cool if we wound up living next door to each other. It'd be like back in college, or those few months we shared a small apartment in Boston."

Nicole said "It's a shame you didn't bring Jim. Jamie's missed having him around."

"How is Jamie, anyway?" asked Quinn.

Before Nicole could answer Jamie entered the room. Quinn noticed that he was now tense in a manner that reminded her just a little too much of Mr. DeMartino.

"I don't know how much more I can take?" said Jamie as he shook nervously. "Every year the kids in my class grow more lazy. I ask a question and they either don't know the answer or they say something so stupid it makes me wanna rip my own hair out."

 _At least he's not shouting every other word...yet_ thought Quinn.

* * *

**Meanwhile, in Lawndale...**

Jim was showing the house to a couple of beautiful young women who appear to be in either their late teens or early twenties.

"So," he said "You two are students at Lawndale State?"

One girl, a blonde with disproportinately large breasts, said "That's right, Mr. Carbone."

The other girl, a breathtakingly beautiful brunette, said nothing but stared at Jim with lusty eyes. Jim pretended not to notice this as he would never cheat on Quinn, and certainly not with someone who's almost young enough to be his daughter.

Jim asked "How old are you girls, anyway?"

"Nineteen" said the blonde as the brunette continued to stare lustfully at Jim.

Jim frowned as he's uncomfortable selling to these two for obvious reasons.

"So, you both are still in school and barely old enough to vote."

The blonde said "Hey, we're adults! We can pay what you're asking by taking out a mortgage!"

Jim said "Be that as it may, I really don't think the bank will see it that way. You're both still in school. That, along with your age, makes you both high risk. I really don't think the bank's gonna give you a loan."

"You never know" said the blonde.

Raising an eyebrow, Jim asked "Have you spoken to the bank?"

"No," the blonde admitted, "but we will."

Knowing that any legit loan officer will probably laugh them out of the place, Jim said "I really don't think I can sell to you two. Frankly, based on what I've seen, you both have some more growing up to do before you're ready for home ownership."

Continuing to stare, the brunette thought _He's sooo manly! I'm in love!_

The blonde said "Look, just because we're young..."

"Young!?" Jim interrupted, "You're both 19 and I'm 38. I'm old enough to be your father. Look, if you don't wanna live in a dorm I get it, but I really think you'd be better off starting with renting an apartment or a small house before upgrading to a two-story family home. Frankly, I'm turning you ladies down for your own good." Seeing the disappointed look on the girl's face, he added "It's okay. I didn't own a home until I was twenty-seven. Most people aren't ready for something like this until they're almost thirty." After a brief pause, Jim gave them some advice. "Enjoy your youth, girls. You'll miss it soon enough."

Both girls stood up. They were disappointed, but Jim's words had removed some of the sting from being turned down. Jim showed them to the door. The blonde gave Jim a piece of paper.

"Our phone and e-mail, in case you change your mind."

As they left the brunette looked at Jim and made a flirty 'call me' gesture. This made Jim uncomfortable.

* * *

**Glenville, the next day...**

A realtor, a woman in her forties, was showing Quinn the inside of a house.

"So, Mrs. Carbone, what do you think?"

"It's nice," said Quinn, "But it's a little too small. My husband and I have three sons."

Resigned, the realtor said "Okay, on to the next one on the list."

**Lawndale...**

Jim and the realtor, a slick haired man in his mid-thirties, were showing the house to a couple of twenty-something newlyweds. They were in the market for a starter home.

"This place is perfect!" said the woman.

Turning to Jim, the man asked "How much do you want?"

Jim was about to answer when the sound of laughter came from up stairs.

"Huh-huh...huh-huh...huh-huh..."

"Hmmmh...heh-heh...heh-heh...heh-heh..."

"What the hell!?" said the man.

"Oh, God" said Jim as he buried his face in his hand.

The four of them followed the sound of laughter until they were in the master bedroom. Beavis and Butt-Head were in their staring at Quinn and Jim's sex toys, which they'd gotten out of the closet.

"Huh-huh...They have a dildo...huh-huh..."

"Hmm-hmm...yeah....heh-heh...They ...heh-heh..."

"Uhhh...huh-huh...You think Jim sticks it in her butt?"

"heh-heh...Yeah...heh-heh...Maybe Quinn puts it in Jim's butt...heh-heh..."

"Huh-huh...Yeah...huh-huh...They like it in the ass...huh-huh..."

"Hmm-hmm...yeah...heh-heh..."

"What the hell are you two doing in my house!?" Jim angrily asked.

"Uhhh..." said Butt-Head, "ummm...We like, smashed open a window while shooting off firecrackers...huh-huh...That was cool...huh-huh..."

Beavis picked up a whipping rod with a heart shaped flail on it.

"Whoa! Check it out, Butt-Head!"

Butt-Head pointed to Jim.

"Huh-huh...Your wife spanks you...huh-huh..."

The couple who'd been looking at the house were stunned speechless.

"Whoa!" said Butt-Head, "A chick!" Looking at the woman, Butt-Head said "Uhhh...huh-huh...Hey, baby...huh-huh...Come to Butt-Head...huh-huh..."

"Yeah...heh-heh..." added Beavis, "Are we, like, gonna do it? Heh-heh...That's be cool!...heh-heh..."

The young couple turned towards Jim and the realtor.

"GOODBYE!" the woman indignantly shouted before she and her husband left in a hurry.

Jim seriously considered murdering Beavis and Butt-Head on the spot.

* * *

**Glenville...**

Quinn and her realtor were approaching another house. This one, incidentally, was the house next door to Jamie and Nicole.

"I didn't know this was one of the houses in your listing. My best friend lives right next door!"

The realtor said nothing but smiled, knowing this meant the house was as good as sold already.

**Back in Lawndale...**

Jim and the realtor were showing the house to another prospective buyer. This one was a single mother with two small children. Jim was reluctant to sell to someone with kids due to the towns increasingly dangerous crime problem, but the need to sell as quickly as possible made him put his reservations aside.

"It's perfect!" said the mother.

"Great!" the realtor replied.

Jim said "Are you sure? This town's not the best place for children. I'm not trying to scare you off, just making sure you know what you're getting yourself into."

The mother shrugged it off.

"I appreciate your concern, but with my husband in jail and divorce lawyers eating up my money this is the best I can do for now."

Jim smiled with relief until...

"OHHH...KEVIE...YES...."

"What was that?" asked the mother.

Jim's eyes went wide.

_Oh, dear God, NO!_

A few seconds later, they were all outside being treated to the sight of Kevin and Brittany getting it on in their own front yard. As the horrified mother covered her kids eyes Jim banged his head against the garage door in frustration.

* * *

**New York City, evening...**

Quinn, Nicole, Jamie and the kids were at a pizza joint in the East Village having dinner with Daria and Jane. Quinn was talking about the house she'd just bought.

"...and it has a total of five bedrooms! It's perfect!"

Added Jane "And the fact that you'd be living next door to Nicole and Jamie played no role whatsoever."

"That's a bonus," said Nicole, "Quinn, welcome to Glenville. What are you doing with the old house?"

"Jim's trying to sell it. Hopefully, he's having as much luck as I am."

"I'll take the Vegas odds on that" Daria said in a sarcastic tone.

**Meanwhile, in Lawndale...**

Jim sat in the office holding the contact information that the college girl gave him. With a look of desperation on his face, he dialed the number. A few seconds later someone answered.

"Theta Theta Theta."

Jim's eyes went wide.

"That's the sorority my wife belonged to in college!"

The woman on the other end said "May I ask who's calling?"

Jim said "Jim Carbone," Looking at the name on the paper, he said "Beth Masterson came by wanting to by my house the other day. I turned her down because of her age, but I'm now desperate enough to reconsider. Can I speak with her?"

The woman said "She was just looking. It's actually Lawndale State University that wants to buy the house."

Jim eyes went wide.

"Excuse me?"

The woman explained "The Lawndale State chapter of Theta Theta Theta is moving it's house off campus. Your house is one of the ones we're interested in."

 _Wish those girls told me that the other day_ Jim thought as he said "Well, if you're still interested then I'd be happy to sell, especially since my wife was a sister at your Boston State chapter."

The following weeks were a little hectic. After Quinn and the boys came back from New York Jim told them the good news. He was just as pleased to learn that they'd be living next door to Jamie and Nicole. Finally, they called movers and got things rolling on the move to New York.

* * *

**Moving day...**

The furniture had all been shipped to the new house in New York. Jim had taken his Camaro up and took a train back the next day while Quinn and the boys had stayed at the Thompsons (it was the best option available). Now, they were packing into Quinn's Cadillac Escalade as three Theta letters were being placed over the entrance of their former home.

"Dude," said Kevin, "We're, like, gonna have a sorority next door!"

Brittany growled "Don't you dare even look at those tramps, Kevie!"

Jim and Quinn both stifled a laugh. Brittany got away with a nine year extra-marital affair, but God forbid Kevin should so much as even look at another woman.

Across the street, Beavis and Butt-Head were awestruck to see they'd now be across the street from a sorority.

"Beavis," said Butt-Head, "Our time has finally arrived!"

"Yes!" said Beavis, "We're finally gonna score!"

The two proceeded to bang their heads and play air guitar in celebratory anticipation of orgies that we know will never happen.

**Later, at the edge of town...**

Quinn's SUV passed a sign that read Leaving Lawndale. Once past it, they spoke in unison...

"SO LONG, LAWNDALE!"

They proceeded to give the town a one fingered salute as they continued on to New York.

**The End**

* * *

**Epologue**

  
**Daria:** She still lives in Hell's Kitchen with her cat, Godzilla, and works as a staff writer for a late night talk show

 **Jane:** Still a freelance artist in SoHo

 **Quinn and Jim:** They now live in Glenville, a suburb out on Long Island. They're still successful YouTubers.

 **Sandi and Tom:** While they still have the condo in Manhattan they've recently bought a mansion in Glenville and use that as their primary residence. They did this because Tom wanted the kids to attend public school. Sandi agreed on the grounds that they not do so in the city.

 **Stacy and Chuck:** Still living in South Florida.

 **Jamie and Nicole:** They now live next door to Quinn and Jim in Glenville. Nicole works as Jane's business partner while Jamie teaches history at Glenville High (and is in danger of turning into another Mr. DeMartino).

 **Jake and Helen:** They still live in a retirement community in South Florida, but prior to the pandemic they were rarely home as they spent most of their time traveling the world.

 **Kevin and Brittany:** Since ending her affair with Daryl, Brittany has been completely faithful to Kevin. Kevin remains unaware that there ever was an affair. He is equally unaware that Daryl is Kevin Junior's real father. Kevin and Daryl remain friends, though Daryl is frustrated that Kevin seems to think that he's gay.

This ends "Life Goes On" as a mini-novel, but the story will continue in series format from this point on.


End file.
